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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another football parent calling my son gay boy

480 replies

Porkpiesarespicy · 23/10/2021 15:27

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

OP posts:
ThirdElephant · 24/10/2021 18:10

Glad to hear you're handling it, OP.

Soozikinzi · 24/10/2021 18:11

Definitely not unreasonable to complain about homophobic insult . Complain to whoever you like ! I can't believe another parent would do this in 2021 !

Whereismumhiding3 · 24/10/2021 18:20

Ah Havering
Round here the rage (starting a few years ago) is to have permed top head mop of loose curls with short /or tapering/ back and sides style- with varying different fringe lengths and styles. It looks pretty cool.

Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 24/10/2021 18:32

@Hottbutterscotch

Why hasn’t his Dad said anything?
I think people are of the mind set she's a loud mouth ignore her and she will give up BUT she doesn't aim it at my son when his dad is there so much . He said once or twice she has and he has looked or said really and she tends to leave him alone but will "target" another kid not necessarily saying gay boy but something else
OP posts:
Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 24/10/2021 18:33

@ThirdElephant

Glad to hear you're handling it, OP.
Thank you @ThirdElephant
OP posts:
Original poster
Porkpiesarespicy · 24/10/2021 18:33

@Whereismumhiding3

Ah Havering Round here the rage (starting a few years ago) is to have permed top head mop of loose curls with short /or tapering/ back and sides style- with varying different fringe lengths and styles. It looks pretty cool.
That's the one!
OP posts:
Whereismumhiding3 · 24/10/2021 18:41

@Porkpiesarespicy
That's a really cool hairstyle!

(Not that it'd matter to issue of homophobic abuse if he had full on Diana Ross style haircut and perm.... Smilesorry, am showing my age here by my choice of celebrity! )

iklboo · 24/10/2021 21:12

Is that the hairstyle that makes them look a bit like an alpaca? In a cute way.

SoniaFouler · 24/10/2021 21:20

@iklboo

Is that the hairstyle that makes them look a bit like an alpaca? In a cute way.
I see the similarities. I like the hairstyle
Another football parent calling my son gay boy
Another football parent calling my son gay boy
saleorbouy · 24/10/2021 21:35

Is you son not able to tell her himself that's its not how she should address him.
It would be far better for him to call her up on it. My kids wouldn't hesitate to tell her so. It's a good lesson for him too stand up for himself, he could do it in your company so you can reiterate his point if she tries to be smart.

PollyPepper · 24/10/2021 21:45

@saleorbouy

Is you son not able to tell her himself that's its not how she should address him. It would be far better for him to call her up on it. My kids wouldn't hesitate to tell her so. It's a good lesson for him too stand up for himself, he could do it in your company so you can reiterate his point if she tries to be smart.
That makes it sound like he's offended by being called gay though, which I don't think is the right message to this homophobic bigot
Beachbabe1 · 24/10/2021 22:01

Thats damn rude!! Tell the woman straight that is not appropriate! Why would she think it is?? He's a child for God sake!!!

SleepingBunnies21 · 24/10/2021 22:29

Get your son to say "alright, fat middle aged woman", "how's it going, fat middle aged woman" to her.

SleepingBunnies21 · 24/10/2021 22:31

If she reports him, he can tell the organiser exactly what it was in response to.

Justilou1 · 24/10/2021 23:27

@Porkpiesarespicy - Your son sounds like a mature, well-adjusted, young man. You should be very proud of him. I’m thrilled that you’re going to report her to the Welfare Officer even if her behaviour isn’t affecting him. You never know who is around who may be more vulnerable than he is and unable to speak up for themselves or unaware of the complaints procedure. People like this woman would probably arc up and be right in the face of anyone who spoke to her directly, so I think the Welfare Officer is definitely the right FIRST step. I wouldn’t hesitate to escalate if she kept it up too.

RobinRedbreasts · 24/10/2021 23:43

@Porkpiesarespicy

My son is 15 and it started because he has a perm, it's not a dad but another mum. I ask because I can be a little OTT when it come to protecting my sons and I wanted others opinions in case I was being "princessy" if you see what I mean.
Your son has a 'perm'?
iklboo · 24/10/2021 23:50

Your son has a 'perm'?

That's your ONLY concern on this thread?

Justilou1 · 25/10/2021 07:55

Glad you said it, @iklboo - don’t you just love how people focus on the important bits? 🤦🏼‍♀️

logsonlogsoff · 25/10/2021 08:12

‘Is you son not able to tell her himself that's its not how she should address him.
It would be far better for him to call her up on it‘

No it wouldn’t! The boy is a CHILD. All safeguarding rules and conditions set out by the FA apply to children under the age of 18, whether they are players, young refs, youth coaches, helpers or whatever.
A child shouldn’t have to confront homophobia in an adult.
The fact that it’s at a club, he’s a player. The adult is a parent and there are many, many other adults around who could speak up, step in or deal with this mean he shouldn’t have heard this comment more than once.

LadyEloise1 · 25/10/2021 09:09

As @logsonlogsoff says:
".......it's at a club, he's a player. The adult is a parent and there are many, many other adults around who could speak up, step in or deal with this mean he shouldn't have heard this comment more than once."
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Bad things happen because good people do/say nothing.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2021 09:52

Is that the hairstyle that makes them look a bit like an alpaca? In a cute way.
It is a very popular style for teenager boys.
My local hairdressers has a lady working one day a week for teenager boys perms the demand is high.
This bigot has no idea.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/10/2021 09:54

Your son has a 'perm'? alongside thousands other mother sons.

wombatspoopcubes · 25/10/2021 10:34

@RobinRedbreasts

Your son has a 'perm'?

He could be playing in a disney princess dress with heels and topped with a tiara, that still makes calling him gay boy bullying and hate speach.

Eggsdancing · 25/10/2021 11:43

Get your son to say "alright, fat middle aged woman", "how's it going, fat middle aged woman" to her

no, don't go there. Keep it civil and go through the proper channels, once you retaliate you lose moral high ground and it becomes tit for tat.

Muchmorethan · 25/10/2021 18:10

I'm going to meet with the welfare this week I've found out they are at the club at every training session

Surely they must have heard her already.