Another football parent calling my son gay boy

[Porkpiesarespicy]

So I guess my AIBU is, do I pull them up on it or just let it go. Week after week they call him gay boy. "Oh there's gay boy I didn't see him" , "well done gay boy good game". You get my gist. I think it's said in jest, but my god it makes my shit itch.
I couldn't give two hoots if he's gay or not as long as he's happy in himself.
Not sure that I would be over reacting to call them out on it next time?? Hence why not I'm here asking you lot...! If so I need help with come backs I'm not quick witted and tend to think oh I should have said after the event.
Also do I call them out or speak to the manager who is friendly with them? Don't want it to be awks but equally want them to know what they are doing is not acceptable (imo anyway)... thoughts please mumsnetters

You were being patronising not we're- argh autocorrect got me!

Whether your son is gay or not is really not her business. It'd be one thing if it was his friends saying things as a way of banter (that your son was okay with btw!) but a grown woman making inappropriate comments? And you've had to come on a forum to figure out if you're overreacting or not?
How can this be real

No I didn't . FGS stop misclaiming what I said. Don't include me in what other PPs said as I equally called out abuse on this thread. You undermine your own points by doing so, we're being patronising in your earlier response directed at me and quite rightly called out on it. It was unnecessary and you directed it to the wrong poster

ok so do you think using the word 'mansplaining' is acceptable when you did use it? I suppose it's ok in your view though because it's only abusive towards men so that doesn't matter, it only matters if it is sexist against women?

See that's the same logic with the gay abuse the op alludes to, it only is against gay people so no harm really, it would matter more if it was black people. Think carefully about what you want to say next and don't dig yourself deeper into your hole x

It'd be one thing if it was his friends saying things as a way of banter (that your son was okay with btw!) but a grown woman making inappropriate comments

it's not ok either kids saying it to each other whether he was ''ok'' with it or not? Would you say the same if kids were calling a black kid a 'n'? It's never 'banter' ever.

This ie absolutely disgraceful behaviour. It is bullying your son and displaying overt homophobia in front of children.

It needs to be addressed with the manager, but I think you need to do this in an email, and copying in a representative from the club too, if they are part of one.

Homophobia is an extremely serious problem in football, and it needs to be tackled at the grassroots just as much as racism does.

Your son is right, she's thick as shit. Doubt she will change even with a complaint to be honest, that would require some level of intelligence. These kind of people are never intelligent, she'll probably just stand there forever harping on about how people can't take a joke.

I'd be tempted to ask her if she's secretly gay herself, but having trouble accepting it so she bullies children to make herself feel better. But the ape will just start screeching no doubt at a pitch that will make your ear drums burst, so maybe best not to.

Pack it in eggsdancing
You really are reaching and undermine genuine abuse by doing so. You've been repeatedly asked to stop derailing the thread.

Ikeptgoing - from where I am reading you are the one being undermining and offensive. I read your mansplaining post and thought it was incredibly rude towards a poster who was making a very valid point. (In reply to another post saying the op should not report it if he Ds didn’t want her to)

Anyway, back to the actual thread ..,

I don't think OP should tackle the woman now, she didn't respond at the time - and there is a better official channel to go down - let's hope it gets an active response. I would hope the homophobic mother is given an official warning and stops and apologies, or is banned from attending matches if she doesn't.

You really are reaching and undermine genuine abuse by doing so. You've been repeatedly asked to stop derailing the thread

yes by you. Now can you please answer me do you think the word 'mansplaining' that you used in this thread is not abusive?

OP would you update us with response you get after sending in your complaint? Who will you write to? Have you thought how you'll word it?

I'd try to keep it short

" Dear ...

Complaint about homophobic abuse at football games by parent of another player.

I witnessed several incidences of parent X on Y date directing homeopathic abuse to DS shouting "gay boy" at him. Apparently she has been doing this over many matches for some time. I ask you to swiftly take appropriate action to ensure it stops and is no longer tolerated.

Yours ..."

Majority of posters are all behind you. Don't understand those who think you should let it lie or expect DS to decide.

@Whereismumhiding3

OP would you update us with response you get after sending in your complaint? Who will you write to? Have you thought how you'll word it?

I'd try to keep it short

" Dear ...

Complaint about homophobic abuse at football games by parent of another player.

I witnessed several incidences of parent X on Y date directing homeopathic abuse to DS shouting "gay boy" at him. Apparently she has been doing this over many matches for some time. I ask you to swiftly take appropriate action to ensure it stops and is no longer tolerated.

Yours ..."

Majority of posters are all behind you. Don't understand those who think you should let it lie or expect DS to decide.

Yeah I'll update I'm going to meet with the welfare this week I've found out they are at the club at every training session and then I will follow it up with an email for the paper trail. But in the mean time I'm at the game again on Saturday and I will pull her up if she says it again - I highly expect she will

Record her doing it then have her charged for it ,it's a hate crime an is illegal.

She’s a bully who is projecting her own obvious homophobia onto your son, and consequently yourself, as it’s done within earshot. I wouldn’t hesitate to call her out on it. You don’t need to cause a scene - the next time she does it, just walk up to her and quietly tell her that if you hear her use any such disgusting and homophobic language again, you will not only ask the coach to have her removed, but you will report her to the police for hate speech. That should do it - bullies are cowards at heart - but if she carries on you would be well within your rights to report the behaviour to the coach or manager, if not the police.

Confront her. Next timeshesays it.
Make a fuss. Make a big deal. And get her to stop. Stand up for your son. Whether he is gay or not is not the issue here.

She uses gay as a swear word here. She uses it to cause offence. Don't stand for it. I would have been at her throat from the first moment. That bitch

I'd be inclined to video her - start by videoing the match or the initial greeting as you arrive and pan round afterwards to catch any responses or lack of reaction of coach (or even of coach laughing if he's part of it- I hope not!) etc.. other PPs reaction or lack of reaction can show if it is not an unusual incident.

Then you have enough to take it further to police or the team FA if she denies it or if good enough action isn't taken that stops it.

A video with sound is very clear evidence that can't be brushed under the carpet.

Hope you have enough room on your phone.

This is interesting - layman's explanation of harassment and how you don't have to be the person it's directed nor that protected characteristic for it to be harassment and to report it

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/law-and-courts/discrimination/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination/harassment/

Really interesting wherismum

@iklboo

Can you post a picture of the type of hairstyle your son has? (not of your son!). I can only picture a Kevin Keegan curly mullet!

Why the fuck should she? So you can gauge whether it's 'gay' or not? Or justifies the comments?

No, I’m just intrigued to know what is fashionable amongst kids that age these days. I thought that the main issue had been very comprehensively dealt with and was just interested!

@WhereIsMumHiding3

1. No OP shouldn't post a picture of her DSs permed hairstyle - fgs that's entirely irrelevant and intrusive to ask!

1. No OP shouldn't worry about her DS not being picked for future games as that would get coach in huge trouble and who would want to play for a team that homophobic abuse anyway?

She talked about it in an earlier post, said a lot of the kids had perms these days. I wasn’t asking for a pic of the actual child 🤷‍♀️. Just thought it was interesting.

@Whereismumhiding3

I'd be inclined to video her - start by videoing the match or the initial greeting as you arrive and pan round afterwards to catch any responses or lack of reaction of coach (or even of coach laughing if he's part of it- I hope not!) etc.. other PPs reaction or lack of reaction can show if it is not an unusual incident.

Then you have enough to take it further to police or the team FA if she denies it or if good enough action isn't taken that stops it.

A video with sound is very clear evidence that can't be brushed under the carpet.

Hope you have enough room on your phone.

This was my thought

@Porkpiesarespicy
Does this awful woman shout it at your son when his dad / your ex is there ?

[quote shrugshrug]@Porkpiesarespicy
Does this awful woman shout it at your son when his dad / your ex is there ? [/quote]
Apparently she has done but no so much, she aims it at other in the teams when he is there

That's bloody appalling

Why hasn’t his Dad said anything?