To wonder if Mumsnet is full of men who are a waste of space

[DownToTheSeaAgain]

...or most men are a waste of space so Mumsnet just reflects the real world.

@Libraryghost

There are some rubbish men around but there are some rubbish women around. I know plenty of women who are lazy, cheat and treat their partners like crap. Works both ways! My husband is far from perfect but then again neither am I. I wouldn't like live with me

Good point. There are certainly some women who post on here who I wouldn't want to live with if I were a man.

@downtotheseaagain for me its about intent. I dont expect my partner to be perfect, i am not perfect. But if he does something that irritates me but was acceidental that doesnt make him a shit partner, im sure I do the same to him. But if he behaves in a way specifically because he wants to annoy me or he lacks respect that would make him a shit partner. So i guess it depends whether you are expecting perfection, or good intentions with a bit of being human.

I agree that some women do have very low standards about what constitutes being “a great dad” on some threads. That doesn’t mean women in general all all oblivious to the fact that their partner is useless.

There does seem to be a fair bit of abusive men out there but I wouldn’t say all men are a waste of space.
Dh is ok and I hope my sons will become good decent men.

Straight in with the NAMALT

Well in answer to the OP’s question it’s either one or the other

I think the clues here are "mumsnet " Plenty of men are ticking along fine as Husbands or Partners/Boyfriends and so on . Add a baby /child into the mix ,and suddenly they start reverting to Toddlers themselves ,throwing toys out of their prams ! Many women have had a child with so called "waste of spaces" as they dont show their true colours until LO come along .I dont think all husbands are like this .(Mine isnt ,but hes not perfect by any means!) Life with young DC is stressful and some men just cant seem to cope .

People don't start threads to post about how their partner is decent, hardworking, attractive, caring and they are perfectly happy with them. Where as those who fill their lives with drama by choosing either ill suited or awful partners will regularly post about their complaints.

I think there are quite a lot of men who are a waste of space. But quite a number of woman who wont give and take. Hence the reason for the large number of divorces and family split ups.

@baroqueandblue

What worries me is people posting about their totally rubbish partners apparently oblivious of their rubbish-ness.

So not what you were asking in your OP, then? Other posters have pointed out that your question is based on a logical fallacy so you move the goalposts

Maybe even the 'good' ones are rubbish and we/ society have conditioned ourselves not to see it.

So now 'good' actually means 'bad'?! As @situas said, give over.

I am sure you are right and my arguments are totally flawed - last time I looked this was Mumsnet not a court of law - however I think my question/ point is a logical one ..

There is no absolute gold standard for a DP but sometimes it is difficult to know what a decent partner constitutes. Looking at Mumsnet you could quickly come to the conclusion that it's hard to find a good 'un but also looking at Mumsnet the level of acceptable seems a pretty low bar.

Just made me wonder whether many are happy with their DH not because he is amazing but because he is just not as bloody awful as the rest.

@dottiedodah

I think the clues here are "mumsnet " Plenty of men are ticking along fine as Husbands or Partners/Boyfriends and so on . Add a baby /child into the mix ,and suddenly they start reverting to Toddlers themselves ,throwing toys out of their prams ! Many women have had a child with so called "waste of spaces" as they dont show their true colours until LO come along .I dont think all husbands are like this .(Mine isnt ,but hes not perfect by any means!) Life with young DC is stressful and some men just cant seem to cope .

Seeing friends and colleagues face something along these lines it is almost always obvious that the man is a bad choice long before they have a child. The woman involved seems to be under the delusion that the man will suddenly change when a child arrives, some people seem to deliberately ignore the warning signs, or even the giant flashing hazard symbols.

@Journeyofthedragons

What should I be on the look out for that o haven’t noticed?

His browsing history.

Someone has trust issues.

If mumsnet reflects the real world, then what someone posted about white women reflects the real world too.

She said mumsnet has opened her eyes to what White women, especially White British women, are truly like. Of course a poster ran in to challenge that. Shall we say not all White women or is the poster right too?

@RobinPenguins

It’s a bit self selecting, isn’t it? I don’t really post about my relationship on here because it mainly ticks along just fine because my DH isn’t a waste of space. If he was a waste of space and I was having a shit time as a result I’d be more likely to post for advice or support.

But there are plenty definitely of them out there.

This.

In the real world most women I know are doing way more than their partners. I always had to keep my mouth zipped in the school playground.

I only know two equal relationships.

Straight in with the NAMALT

It's fair enough to object to people barrelling into a thread discussing society's problems of male violence, rape, misogyny etc with a NAMALT comment. But it seems a bit unreasonable when the OP's actual question was about what proportion of men are like this! Are we only allowed to answer 'Yes, all men are useless wastes of space' ?

Some blokes are tossers, some blokes are brilliant. Some blokes are abusive narcissists, some aren't.

The exact same with women. It's just a fact of life.

People (women, men, whatever) rarely complain when there's nothing wrong.

Posters come to the forums when they're in need of help/assistance, therefore it's reasonable that we see more men who are a waste of space than those who aren't.

No one regularly posts threads being like 'oh my husband's great'. I think a lot gets dramatised on social media and can often turn into a pissing contest of 'oh your husband does this well MINE does THIS!'

What you see on Mumsnet I would hazard a guess is in no way reflective of real life in any sense. See Mumsnet Chicken, Parking Wars, Dramatic Interludes etc. Threads blow up for the drama, people love it when they're not involved. Hence why we see so many 'waste of space' examples.

I have been lucky enough that none of the men in my immediate life are wastes of space, however I know far too many friends whose husbands/fathers/brothers/sons are. The same way I know lots whose mothers/wives/daughters/sisters are.

I'd say women are quite well reflected on this platform, in comparison. I've known far more toxic/abusive women than I have men. However, if we were to hold Mumsnet as gospel that wouldn't be the case.

@SJWsAtItAgain

If mumsnet reflects the real world, then what someone posted about white women reflects the real world too.

She said mumsnet has opened her eyes to what White women, especially White British women, are truly like. Of course a poster ran in to challenge that. Shall we say not all White women or is the poster right too?

Yep, MN is not representative, or I hope it is not as at least a third of the posters on here are bat shit crazy.

If someone started a thread saying she was grateful for having a helpful, kind, thoughtful and trustworthy dh that does all the cooking and cleaning she’d be ripped to shreds in the comments. Mn doesn’t take kindly to “bragging” or just the general thought of somebody being happy in life.

You're right, I don't think that any man has ever achieved anything in the history of the world.

@lazylinguist

Straight in with the NAMALT

It's fair enough to object to people barrelling into a thread discussing society's problems of male violence, rape, misogyny etc with a NAMALT comment. But it seems a bit unreasonable when the OP's actual question was about what proportion of men are like this! Are we only allowed to answer 'Yes, all men are useless wastes of space' ?

This.

@Chickenkatsu

You're right, I don't think that any man has ever achieved anything in the history of the world.

To be fair we do live in a patriarchy where some people are high achievers. Given the social set up these are statistically more likely to be men. Doesn't mean they are/ were great people to live with though.

Mumsnet isn't representative of the real world,my relationship is perfectly fine ,we have our ups and downs and neither of us are perfect , fit imagine like lots of couples ,but people don't start threads about ,am I unreasonable to be happily plodding along in my marriage/relationship do they?

@lazylinguist

Straight in with the NAMALT

It's fair enough to object to people barrelling into a thread discussing society's problems of male violence, rape, misogyny etc with a NAMALT comment. But it seems a bit unreasonable when the OP's actual question was about what proportion of men are like this! Are we only allowed to answer 'Yes, all men are useless wastes of space' ?

Absolutely agree with this. Why can't we say that not all men are useless, when we know it to be true?

The hatred for men on here is appalling. I wonder if there's a similar website where men frequently voice how rubbish their partners are. I suspect there's not one that's above board.

And I actually think the poster has a point compared to those who think posters complaining about arsehole men means all men are arseholes.

It's obvious posting about your wonderful partner isn't the norm on MN and is often frowned upon or seen as bragging. Whereas, people tend to post their true views here on an anonymous forum, not in real life. Yet, we can still say 'not all'.

@Toomanyradishes

Its the same as customer complaints though, people are much quicker to vocalise complaints than compliments, just because people arent on here complimenting their dhs for being normal decent people doesnt mean the rubbish men represent 100% of men

Exactly. No one posts about the ordinarily average decent men in their life do they?