Husband taking £400 spending money for 2 nights in Liverpool..aibu to think it's ridiculous?

[rachybarrr]

He has gone to Liverpool till Monday.
The hotel is paid for and includes breakfast.
He has taken £400 spending money.

He said "the bars are quite expensive down there"

So basically he is happy to potentially waste £400 on alcohol for two nights.

I'm annoyed and think it's pathetic
He said we are going for a nice meal tonight too.

£400 for two nights is just scandalous I think

He withdrew it from our savings

The absolute amount wouldn't be an issue for me but two things would matter:

1. if they are joint savings, why does he get to unilaterally decide how to spend them? Is this within your overall budget for treats versus spending or will you have to cut back on family holidays and / or your individual treats ?

1. when do you get the chance did a solo holiday ?

OP you keep saying that's too
Much to spend on drinks but it's not just drinks he'll need is it? Lunch, dinner, taxi, activities during the day. If you can afford it I don't think He's being unreasonable.

Like most other PP I totally agree that that's about right. I took my 2 teens to Liverpool last year - had the most fabulous time, but that fabulous time comes at a cost: I spent a fortune. I didn't resent it in the slightest as we had a ball. This wasn't including alcohol as I don't drink, or taxis as we were really central. Going away for a good time costs money.

You actually sound a little controlling or do you resent it because you've not had time away for a while? If so get something booked and blow the cobwebs away.

YANBU £400 for two days on food and drink is ridiculous

Whose money is it. If it was mine Id be annoyed. If it's his and you are not on a tight budget then I can't see the problem.

I don't think any taxis are involved as he is staying at the Marriott which is within walking distance.
I agree food probably will be a chunk out of it so maybe only £200 for the booze

I'm not controlling at all but if the roles were reversed he would have something to say.
I bought myself a jacket from Zara for £49.99 and he went on about it for a week.
I wore it every weekend so I would show him I was getting my money's worth

@rachybarrr

He withdrew it from our savings to his debit card (which is a joint account )

That changes things then.

I don't see a problem with that amount as long as you can afford it and are not going short because of it.

He absolutely should not go on at you about spending money on stuff though.

Can you arrange a girls weekend and go and spend similar?

I think £400 is a nice amount to have for a couple of nights in a city where you’ll be buying breakfasts, lunches, dinners, drinks, probably cabs, entrance fees etc, and I definitely wouldn’t be buying drugs or sex. It obviously can be done for an awful lot cheaper, but perhaps he just doesn’t want to be counting pennies and worrying about whether he can afford to join a round or get a kebab on the way back to the hotel. If it’s having an impact on your finances then obviously he’s being unreasonable. Family expenses come first every single time. But if you can afford it, I think you’re being a bit unreasonable for comparing it to the price of drinks in your home town.

Herein lies the problem and source of the resentment, an imbalance in financial power in your relationship. This is what needs sorting.

Lunch in a pub: meal £15, few pints £15. Times two days, there's £60.

Teatime, somewhere fancy - could be £100 each. Teatime the other day, still looking at £30-40 if you're having a couple of drinks.

So that's £200ish just on meals.

Add in a chunk of money (£30?) for cabs to and from places.

Depending on where they're going out there might be door fees.

I'd say on a typical lads weekend 10 pints/drinks throughout the day isn't unusual (if not terrible for your liver, granted) which would probably come out at nearly a fiver each, so £100 easy on booze.

So then you could be at £330 without entry fees to anything or paying for other stuff they might want to do...

And then train fares or whatever to get there?

Sounds extortionate but I don't think it's beyond the realms of possibility. You can do it for much cheaper obviously, but it's not a completely unrealistic number.

She doesn't sound controlling, she sounds pissed off. How on earth did you get controlling from that, @Puffalicious? She thought he was spending £400 on drink. Others have pointed out there will be other costs. But there's always some poor person out there who wants to leap to "controlling", so well done, today it was you.

I'm not controlling at all but if the roles were reversed he would have something to say. I bought myself a jacket from Zara for £49.99 and he went on about it for a week. I wore it every weekend so I would show him I was getting my money's worth

Oh, I missed this bit! That changes things completely. He doesn’t get to piss hundreds up the wall and moan at you for a relatively cheap jacket. Absolutely not.

It seems quite a lot to me TBH.I think it depends on your circumstances as well .If you are managing well then fine ,if not and you/DC going without then no way.If he is going to Spoons on Sunday the meals /Drinks there are dirt cheap!

Why don’t you talk to him? If it’s bothering you that’s what you need to do

Bloody hell I am way behind the times if people are spending £400-£600 on food and drink for a weekend away.

£600 would get you two night package in a nice hotel with dinner and breakfast and possibly a spa treatment.

its the fact he has taken it from savings that would annoy me - its the sort of thing that should come from your own "fun money" pots - not from joint savings

(i mean i don't combine finances with my partner so could spend what i want but if i did, i'd expect us both to have spending money and this holiday to come out of that pot)

Why has it come out of savings? or is everything saved and no one gets spending money? Like your jacket from Zara?

(and i'd now buy £400 worth of zara to "get my share" if that is how the finances worked)

@FinallyHere

He withdrew it from our savings

The absolute amount wouldn't be an issue for me but two things would matter:

1. if they are joint savings, why does he get to unilaterally decide how to spend them? Is this within your overall budget for treats versus spending or will you have to cut back on family holidays and / or your individual treats ?

1. when do you get the chance did a solo holiday ?

2 is a fair point although I don’t believe in transactional tit for tat - equality of opportunity yes though.

1 I akways Find odd. Why if you’re sensible and have enough money would you need another adult to authorise your spending. Weird ideas on mn, if a woman said she had to get agreement from her husband to spend money on herself when there no financial issues she would be told he was financially abusive.

And that would be for two people!

@KitchenKrisis

Yes it's alot what else is he buying? Female company? Drugs?

Won’t get much of the above for £400!!!

@rachybarrr

I'm not controlling at all but if the roles were reversed he would have something to say. I bought myself a jacket from Zara for £49.99 and he went on about it for a week. I wore it every weekend so I would show him I was getting my money's worth

This changes things completely. Tell him point blank. Why does he get to spend £400 but begrudge you a £50 bloody jacket!

Apologies, I missed the jacket bit. Changed my mind totally.

rachybarr.I think if he is moaning about you spending 50 quid on a jacket ,then something is wrong! You should be having equal spends here . He is out of order .