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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Friend forward facing her 9 month old

264 replies

JimHairy · 23/10/2021 09:01

My friend has a 9 month old DS who she has started front facing in the car. She has a Cosatto rotating car seat and her reasoning is that her son sometimes gets upset when rear facing and is a lot happier when facing forward. This is true, but from being in the car with him previously he’s not that bad in rear facing, just gets a bit frustrated and wriggly but he does settle after about 10 minutes.

She’s a great parent and also has a 7 year old. I’m a FTM so I feel really awkward giving her advice but it’s really really worrying me that her DS is unsafe in the car. This is compounded by a local incident that happened a few years ago where a child died in a head on collision due to an improperly fitted car seat. This is always in my mind.

So far, I’ve sent her the government advice sheet about car seat safety that says to rear face as long as possible and at least until 15 months but she just said that her car seat says it’s ok forward facing babies from 9 months. I didn’t argue, just said I’d seen that it wasn’t advised to forward face so early.

I feel I’ve done what I can by sending her the information and she’s now making an informed decision to forward face, even though it’s clearly very wrong. The other problem (although less so) is that she keeps telling me I should forward face my DS who’s the same age because he hates the car. I’ve said I’d rather he was safe and temporarily unhappy, but she argues that it’s cruel to make him so unhappy even for short periods and the chances of an accident are really low. I won’t be forward facing my DS and he’ll be rear facing as long as possible.

WWYD? Do I keep sending her info or just leave it now?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 23/10/2021 09:04

You've tried. Personally I'd have sent the YouTube internal decapitation car crash videos rather than advice. It shows the score.

Ultimately it's her choice and her own risk. People are a bit thick sometimes. They always argue that kid gets upset so it's worth the risk of them dying in a 'it won't happen to us' type of way.

JurgensCakeBaby · 23/10/2021 09:04

We have a cosatto rotating car seat it does not say it's ok from 9 months there's even a little symbol on it that says not under 15 months. DS is almost 3 and still rear faces in it. The only time he questioned it is when his similar age cousin is facing forward, he now tells him he's the wrong way round and it's dangerous 😬.
It's awful and it's illegal, but having raised it it's not your choice to make

CatsOperatingInGangs · 23/10/2021 09:04

It’s none of your business. Leave her be or it’ll ruin your friendship.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 23/10/2021 09:04

I don’t think either of you should be commenting on each other’s parenting choices. It’s her call how she prioritises safety vrs other factors. It’s not like she’s abusing him.

Teacupsandtoast · 23/10/2021 09:05

Just leave it. And if she keeps having a go say to her 'I'm making what I feel is the safest choice is for my child, as are you, enough'

GingerAndTheBiscuits · 23/10/2021 09:06

Not your child and not your choice.

JimHairy · 23/10/2021 09:06

@gamerchick

You've tried. Personally I'd have sent the YouTube internal decapitation car crash videos rather than advice. It shows the score.

Ultimately it's her choice and her own risk. People are a bit thick sometimes. They always argue that kid gets upset so it's worth the risk of them dying in a 'it won't happen to us' type of way.

I’ve seen those videos, they’re terrifying. I did consider sending those but thought it might be a bit of a nuclear option?
OP posts:
Peanutmnm · 23/10/2021 09:06

I'd say keep your unsolicited advice to yourself.

Comedycook · 23/10/2021 09:06

Don't do anything...it's none of your business

JimHairy · 23/10/2021 09:07

@CatsOperatingInGangs

It’s none of your business. Leave her be or it’ll ruin your friendship.
Yeah this is kind of where I’ve landed to be honest. I just wondered if I was being selfish to prioritise my friendship over her Ds’s safety? I’m probably over thinking!
OP posts:
careerchangeperhaps · 23/10/2021 09:07

@CatsOperatingInGangs

It’s none of your business. Leave her be or it’ll ruin your friendship.
This. I've been exceptionally anal about in car safety with my DC but what my friends and family members do (with their children) is none of my business. Share general awareness posts on social media by all means but don't make it personal. Everyone does what they think is best for their child.
Porcupineintherough · 23/10/2021 09:08

Her child, her choice. This is still a decision that is down to parents to make and she's made it. It's ok to have friends with different opinions to your own.

Applesandpears23 · 23/10/2021 09:08

I think the info on this has really changed lately. We turned my 7 year old quite early whereas my 4 year old is still rear facing. Like all things in parenting, the more you learn the better you do. However it sounds like she has dug in now so I wouldn’t send any more info and would just drop it.

Comedycook · 23/10/2021 09:08

You are massively over thinking...stuff like this wouldn't even register with most people

JimHairy · 23/10/2021 09:08

@JurgensCakeBaby

We have a cosatto rotating car seat it does not say it's ok from 9 months there's even a little symbol on it that says not under 15 months. DS is almost 3 and still rear faces in it. The only time he questioned it is when his similar age cousin is facing forward, he now tells him he's the wrong way round and it's dangerous 😬. It's awful and it's illegal, but having raised it it's not your choice to make
This is good to know! I’m hoping DS has the same attitude, I’d like him rear facing until 4 ideally but he’s a high centile so doubt we’ll get that far!
OP posts:
yoyo1234 · 23/10/2021 09:08

Forward facing here when our car seat instructions said to (I assume models differ).

SpiceRat · 23/10/2021 09:09

You’ve tried. Honestly if she’s bought a cosatto seat she’s not that concerned about safety, as they’re known to be dogshit.

nicecheesegromit · 23/10/2021 09:09

It's not your decision or problem.
It's her judgement (rightly or wrongly) and you need to stop thinking about this.
There will be loads of other issues like this in your life as a parent where you don't agree with others parenting decisions and best to back off now.

CaddieDawg · 23/10/2021 09:10

I'd leave it other than when she brings it up about your DS now. She's made her choice but if she keeps pushing you on yours then I'd be prepared with your (many) reasons for doing the opposite.

Comedycook · 23/10/2021 09:11

In real life, I see most kids in forward facing seats

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 23/10/2021 09:11

I don't think you would be prioritising your friendship over her childs safety. Theres got to be some pragmatism as well as some idealism...whatever you do, she is not going to change her mind. She has heard the arguments and does not want to change her mind. So her son is forward facing whether you push her so hard that you fall out about it or not.

JimHairy · 23/10/2021 09:11

@Comedycook

You are massively over thinking...stuff like this wouldn't even register with most people
Thank you, I thought I might be!

Thanks for the sense check all, I was leaning towards just moving the conversation on whenever she mentions it.

To be fair it’s usually her who mentions car seats. We go out together a lot in the same car with both babies and if my DS is getting upset it’s often ‘just face him forward so he settles’. The dynamic between us is very much her giving me advice because she’s a second time mum rather than the other way around hence why it felt weird!

OP posts:
WaterBottle123 · 23/10/2021 09:12

Read the chapter in freakonomics about the minimal difference made by car seats vs. people's behaviour on the road and leave your poor friend alone.

BlackberrySky · 23/10/2021 09:12

You both sound rather invested in each others ' parenting choices to be honest. As a PP has said, these things can ruin friendships if you can't both accept that even good friends make choices you don't agree with.

gamerchick · 23/10/2021 09:15

Maybe it's time for seperate cars.