Do you consider your spouse's family to be your family?

[bridepanic]

Just curious really - I see a lot of people on here who discuss their husband's family as very separate to themselves and their family.

I'm about to get married, and am very close to my fiancé's family and he's very close to mine. We are very much of the mind that our families just become our family, jointly. Problems we face in the future with care/illness or joys that happen (nieces and nephews) are things we will share and experience together.

Growing up, my Mum's family had that attitude towards the in-law's, although my Dad's very much didn't, so I have seen how this isn't always the case in practice as well as just on here.

I realise that at the end of the day, if something happens, our families will always retain a certain 'loyalty' or bias towards their own child/sibling, so don't need to be told my POV is very naive. I'm just curious as to how others feel and why they feel like that - does it come from you or your in-laws creating that distance?

Yes. I love them. They’re family.

Yes, to the extent that I call my p.i.l mum and dad ( sadly they're now dead ) and I refer to the nieces and nephews as my nieces and nephews.

I have a weird relationship with extended family.
I am very close to exH family and absolutely consider them family and in fact I am closer to them than I am to most of my own family.

My new DP I very much don't consider his family to be mine and don't think I ever will even if we did get married. Although if we had a child together that might change I think.

This could be because I got married to exH very young and as a result have grown up with his family and spent a lot more time with them. I do also think that I see their family resemblance in my children and this has an impact on this feeling of family too.
They are my support network for childcare and general life.

No

More since we've had kids than before, but not really. I'm closer to my in-laws than I am my own family, but I don't really think of them as family. I like my BiLs and Sils more than my own siblings. And my PiLs are more helpful and friendly than by owd DP. But, in the tradition of blood is thicker than water, I know if they acted like my family do I wouldn't put up with it to the extent I do with my family IYSWIM.

I also think it's good to have a little bit of separation. If DH and I ever split up, we both ought to have family who have our corner, even if we're in the wrong.

I really like my in laws, though. Not seeing them as family doesn't mean we don't get on.

I used to, but then I had a fall out with SIL - one of those 6 of one half a dozen of the other type things. It didn't involve any of the family and we made up, but the female members of DHs family have been very slightly frosty since, so it was obviously gossiped about. It taught me a lot.

Yes. I’ve been married 36 years and my love for them has really grown over those years. I’m also really lucky to have a wonderful MIL!

Yes. I love my in laws, and they all get on really well with my family too.

My MIL and FIL yes, but everyone else no.

My DH’s aunts/uncles, brother, nieces and nephews, grandparents etc are not my family.

Nor does he see my family as being his.

No. They're nice people, but I don't think of them as family.

@Throughabushbackwards

No. I had a terribly awkward moment just after we were married when MIL sat me down and said "you can call me Mum now!" I was completely caught off guard - I have a mother who is still well and truly alive and who I am very close to. I blurted out something like "but I have a Mum, I can't call anyone else that!" MIL never really got past it, it really upset her.

My MIL did the same. My own mum had died by the time I married DH, there was no way I could ever have called her mum!

And she thought I was the weird one

No definitely not. X

No never have done . They are just too difficult for me ! 31 years of marriage haven’t changed this .

God no! DH was in his 40’s when I met and married him. He went ‘home” to them every lunch time which stopped when he met me. I was seen as a rival for his affections by MIL and I could write a book about the past 20 yrs.
Mostly LC now which reduces my anxiety about being with them.
PIL are quite opinionated and DH and his siblings wouldn’t dare go against them and seem to accept being almost subordinates. I have called them out on occasions when they were holding court on their views on victims of sexual assault. I have worked with victims and was horrified to hear their bigoted views! They clearly have never had anyone disagree with them and DH’s siblings probably look upon me as odd or difficult.
Every Christmas morning they turn up and give presents to DS and DH but never to me so it’s pretty clear where I stand too! DH usually gets a generic box of biscuits/chocs with just his name on, I can’t understand why they couldn’t add my name on it. My parents have only ever been welcoming and treat their DIL/SIL as one of their own.
I could go on…

No.