To be upset that ds said this about Christmas?

[coffeerevelsrock]

He's 14 and has made a few comments recently about not liking Christmas. He's quite unusual for his age, not really a typical teen and loves history, cricket and politics. Not into expensive stuff so quite hard to buy for. He has an iphone 7 and insists he doesn't want an upgrade. He did ask for a gaming laptop a couple of years ago and is still very happy with it. Other than that all he's ever asked for is books though I get him some other thoughtful bits too that he's usually very pleased with. I'm aware that getting him loads of stuff he doesn't want would make him feel anxious and guilty so I don't do it.

His dad and I divorced 7 years ago and for the first 3 years ex came to our house for lunch on Christmas day. Since then they've stayed at dad's until the 23rd, seen him for a few hours on Christmas afternoon (except last year when he said he wouldn't be there) and then gone with ex to visit wider family 26th- 29thish. The rest of the Christmas holiday they're with me. Every year I ask what they want to do and they always say them same as usual.

We have our routines like most families, though from what I can see ex has never created any there. We get a real tree each year and dc help decorate - or do most of it now. We do a beige - everything - in breadcrumbs- lunch on the 24th, a walk late afternoon and back to Christmas eve bags from the elves, smashing up the gingerbread house for Christmas Eve pudding, always watch nativity and Father Christmas film after tea on Christmas Eve, stockings, multipack cereal for breakfast...just low key stuff but even at their ages (12 and 14) they insist on it all.

Now he keeps saying he doesn't like Christmas and that he won't ever spend it with me or his dad when he's an adult. He also said he thinks his dad's family do it well - they don't make a massive deal, don't decorate or wrap gifts, nothing traditional really. Extremely low-key. I just feel so hurt. I know he's young so it's not a pressing matter but I feel like everything I've tried to do has been thrown back at me. I have honestly tried to make it stress-free and accommodated their adulterous dad for 3 years. I honestly haven't tried to put pressure on but I feel instead of having happy memories he thinks it's all a pile of shit. He has pointed out I don't see my parents at Christmas ( we see them at new year) but my dad is an alcoholic (my kids don't know this as he manages to stay dry for the 3 days or so per year we see them) and my relationship is quite strained. They live 3 hours away too. I feel like my crap family has come back to haunt me despite it not really being my fault. I have mainly just laughed his comments off but I don't find it funny at all really.

AIBU to feel hurt by this?

[JumperandJacket]

@Blueink

“He’s 14” your opening was enough

Exactly.

Your Christmas sounds lovely, OP, and your DS will have great memories of it and probably no memory at all of the grinch years. There’s maybe an element of wanting to seem grown-up as well- if he associates Christmas with childhood, claiming he doesn’t like it might feel an adult thing to do.

Aldo remember that, as a 14yo, he has zero idea of how much hard work goes into Christmas, so he’s very unlikely to mean his comments as personally as you’ve naturally taken them.

Chin up. I sometimes watch old Harry Enfield Kevin sketches on YouTube to remind myself that it’s not just me.

[ShrinkingViolet9]

He's quite unusual for his age, not really a typical teen and loves history, cricket and politics. Not into expensive stuff so quite hard to buy for

Is there a "typical teen"? To me he doesn't sound unusual or "oddball" - just sounds like an intelligent lad and mature enough to know about a relative's drink problem.

[TinselTinsel]

The thing I hated about Christmas was having to go to my nans on Christmas Day after Christmas dinner . She wanted us kids to sit quietly in the background , no toys , no noise on Christmas Day !
At your sons age , Christmas had lost most if its sparkle for me and it didn't come back until I had my son at 23 (though I did work Christmas Day in a hotel 4 years and the guests looked bored!)
You're not doing anything wrong and it's no reflection on you, especially if they insist on your traditions !