AIBU or is my DH being awful?

[CBB2021]

DH and I have had our fair share of problems. DH grew up in an abusive home and we’ve both worked hard to help him work through his issues. I have forgiven a lot.

We have a beautiful DD who is 14 months and I’m current pregnant again, but early days so exhausted and feeling sick. DD is ill again tonight with a bad cough and fast breathing. We’ve been debating since 4 whether to take her to hospital. DH persisting with see how she goes, we can monitor her. In the end I said no she’s going to hospital I know this isn’t right. Only one parent allowed in at the moment so I said, shall I drop you off? He said why wouldn’t you go in?!

I said look I’m trying to keep this baby OK, can you take DD, I’m not sure I can cope with that at the moment. He then goes into a rant how ever since I’ve been pregnant I’m constantly ‘taking the easy option’. We have had three rows on this so far with him basically saying I’m a cop out at the moment.

I’m worried sick about DD and of course worried about this pregnancy. I’m so upset at how he’s treated me too. Perhaps I’m tired and hormonal and being unreasonable. I just feel like a good man wouldn’t of done that to their pregnant wife.

Of course your DH could've done it but your reason for not doing so is pretty crap.

What other reason does she need than “you’re her parent, take your sick child to hospital” Unless he had anything else urgent to do, there is no reason she had to do it.

"Taking the easy option?"
Remind him that you're GROWING A WHOLE HUMAN BEING IN YOUR BODY right now. What's he doing?

I think you're being a bit unreasonable here. Your priority should be your daughter.

And what should his priority be?

NorthSouthcatlady the martyrs are out in force tonight.

Yep. It’s like fucking 1950s are back

Wow so much judgement on this thread about not going in because being pregnant doesnt make you 'stop being a parent'.

There are two parents. If only one of them can take a child into hospital, the other parent doesnt 'stop being a parent'. There are loads of reasons that it makes sense for one parent to go over another (eg one is working at the time), that doesnt mean that the one that doesnt go loves their child any less!

I once didnt go with my toddler as I was breastfeeding a newborn so my husband took her. Because we are equal parents who my children are equally comfortable with.

To answer your question, your husband is being a twat. As are most of the people on this thread. Staying away from a crowded public place is sensible when you're pregnant. And if your husband is any kind of decent father, your daughter will be fine with him there

@CallmeHendricks from where l am sitting, he’s being a moany twat, being avoidant and not stepping up to his responsibilities. Whilst basically accusing his wife of being lazy

Do you or dh have work tomorrow? However isnt working takes dc in our house.

So being pregnant doesn’t stop the OP being a parent and mums “usually” do the hospital trips… what’s stopping her DH being a parent? Is it his willy?

100% YANBU. If there are two parents and only one can go, it makes sense for the parent who isn't feeling sick and vomity to go. It's not exactly going to help your DD if you're constantly popping in and out of the bathroom feeling rubbish or too exhausted to care for her properly.

He’s being a bit unreasonable but it is ‘usually’ mums that do the hospital trips.

I must have missed the memo on that one. Who decided this? What about families with a single dad or two dads? Do they have to ring round to 'borrow a mum' to sit with their kids in hospital?

Your priority should be your daughter.

As opposed to vomming in the bathroom or falling asleep with exhaustion ?

YANBU OP, when my dc has had to go to hospital, sometimes I have gone, other times my husband depending on the situation. Both of us are capable adults.

He’s being a bit unreasonable but it is ‘usually’ mums that do the hospital trips

It’s also ‘usually’ mums who do all the childcare, the housework, the cooking etc too. About time some of these fucking ridiculous stereotypes were challenged, isn’t it?

Surely it makes sense for the parent who isn't feeling ill to go to hospital with the sick child? DH and I are equal parents - we have both spent time in hospitals with sick kids over the years. Why on earth would it matter if child's dad is there rather than mum?

I'd say he's being a twat OP.

It’s also ‘usually’ mums who do all the childcare, the housework, the cooking etc too. About time some of these fucking ridiculous stereotypes were challenged, isn’t it?

YABU. It is writ in holy script that only mums can pack lunchboxes, organise kids' drawers, sort playdates, buy presents for birthday parties and take sick children to hospital. God alone knows how families where dads are the main parent manage !

God people are being horrible to the OP. Your DD has two parents. As long as someone is with her, it doesn't matter. I understand your concern OP and hospitals are an infection risk that you can sensibly avoid.

Don't feel guilty OP, she'll be at ease with her dad there, is he communicating to you what's happening? Try put something on the telly and get your feet up.

Yanbu. Can not believe some of these comments. Clearly you’ve all had amazing pregnancies and been very lucky with not feeling shit. OP I hope yiu get some rest

Sorry if I'm covering old ground - I've only read the original post and a few replies.

I think your husband is being unreasonable. He's the dad so he needs to pick up 50% of the caring duties. If your feeling a bit unwell due to pregnancy ( at one point I could barely move of the sofa and was constantly being sick) , then surely he would think that it would be unfair to ask you to hang about a hospital waiting room, feeling stressed and trying to keep your daughter calm etc.

Obviously your worried about your daughter. But I think it perfectly reasonable to ask him to go the hospital with her on this occasion. What else is he doing that's more important than allowing his pregnant wife time to rest/feel better and getting his daughter appropriate health care.

I get that he is possible feeling a bit overwhelmed with doing more about the house , but that's what being a parent is all about.

I hope you and your daughter are feeling better soon

YANBU
I don’t know why your getting such a hard time OP and I don’t see any reason why DH shouldn’t be the one to take DD to hospital even in any case but especially since your pregnant. I hope your DD is ok

ThePoisonousMushroom
It’s also ‘usually’ mums who do all the childcare, the housework, the cooking etc too. About time some of these fucking ridiculous stereotypes were challenged, isn’t it?

This x 100.

This thread is so so depressing. Can’t quite believe some posters are for real.
Male apologists

@Tilltheend99

This thread is infuriating. People literally telling a pregnant woman to go into a hospital unnecessarily (unnecessary because her husband is perfectly capable) an risk exposure to a serious disease that increases the risk of complications with her pregnancy.

It’s really irrelevant what you did two years ago. Ffs.

This. This thread has shocked me

@WitchyNameChange

I'd absolutely have gone in with her - and I have done. Being pregnant and feeling naff doesn't mean you stop parenting your existing children. Of course your DH could've done it but your reason for not doing so is pretty crap.

Oh do fuck off, dear, back into 1950 with your attitude.

What stops OP husband parenting HIS children??

I think OP did actually say a few pages ago that DH had taken child to hospital - did anyone miss that?

It doesn't matter what anyone else would have done. Why not him?

I do think yanbu that he was better placed to do it - totally the logical answer for him to go.

However I think I’d personally have wanted to be the one to go, because I don’t like being the one sat at home worrying!

The main thing was obviously to get her to hospital, whoever took her, but I agree your DH was being unreasonable. As a pp said, you’re growing a human!