To ask nursery not to lie

[Bakingwithmyboys]

DS2 started nursery for morning sessions in sept. He's an end of August baby and just turned 3. It turned out he isn't ready for potty training yet as when we have tried, it's been rather traumatic.

I send pull ups and nappies to nursery in the hope that as he sees others using the toilets he will show interest. Which seems to be working. He's talking about it a lot more but has been very adamant about only wearing actual nappies.

He came home today in a pull up. I was full of praise, isn't this great, you can learn to use the potty etc. I asked him if he asked for the pull ups and he said he was told it was all that was in his bag.

Checking his bag later on I see a normal nappy in plain view.

They lied to him about what I was providing for him to use. This feels awful as I have always tried to make sure my boys have everything they need for nursery/school.

AIBU to be unhappy about this? Would you say something or leave it and just celebrate he's a step closer to potty training.

(I am prepared to be told I have PFB syndrome even though he's my second!)

In the nicest possible way, get over yourself.

Do you think he will remember the betrayal in a weeks time, eh no, neither do I.

Hey OP, I am a qualified Early Year's Teacher and have primarily worked with children of your sons age.
I agree that the staff shouldn't be lying to your child, but by 3 he should 100% be moving to pullups and I would strongly suggest you stop purchasing nappies.
It's our job to prepare children for school and boys tend to take a much longer time to adjust to toilet training.
So YANBU, but I think a proper chat with the staff to come up with a strategy and working together to help your son is what's needed.

At just turned 3 he is more than ready. Honestly! Don't hold him back, go with the pull ups and take the lead of his nursery. Unless he has additional needs he shouldn't be still in nappies!

Maybe they opened the bag, pulled out a pull up and didn’t have time to go through the bag to see if the rest where pull ups or a nappy. They look very similar.
If you want him in nappies send nappies. If you want him in pull ups send them.

I couldn’t get het up about this.
It might be they grabbed whatever was in the top of the bag and it was a pull up so they presumed that was what you had sent. They used something you put in the bag(so are presumably happy to put in him), your ds wasn’t upset or distressed so to me it is a non issue. I wouldn’t say it is a step closer to potty training though, that would be pants, pull ups feel just the same as a nappy and I have never used them for potty training my dc or as my time running a toddler room.

So he wasn't upset and he's wearing a pull up. This is not a big deal.

Is he meant to choose what he would like to wear every time he has his nappy/pull up changed?

I agree with you OP. You shouldn't lie to children. The nursery shouldn't be doing this. (I withdrew my daughter from a playgroup where they spouted BS like "The ball park is tired" when they didn't want the children to go in it.) It's not on. What if your son had seen the regular nappy in the bag? Then he knows they've lied to him. That's a very strange and unsettling concept for a small child.

Sounds like nursery are working on potty training him and have decided that its easier for him to be in pull ups there and have said what they needed to say to get him them with minimal fuss.
Your being pfb.

Oh, and also it's not down to the nursery staff to decide when your son is ready for potty training. That's up to you. My son was over 3 when he was potty trained... but he did it almost immediately, had almost no accidents and was dry at night from the start.

Is his bag named? It's possible that his bag got mistaken for another child's. Especially if it was moved to the wrong peg.

Yes, definitely take the word of a 3 year old as gospel and get ratty with the nursery. That won't earmark you as That Parent, oh nooooo. Especially not when kid perfectly fine without following mummy's rules.

Keep a weekend free and go straight to undies and stay at home. I never used pull ups on my children, out of nappies and straight to knickers/undies. Yes, there will be accidents and mopping up to do but at age 3 it will be more or less mastered within a few days. Too much reliance on nurseries to do toilet training these days when it has to begin at home and consistently! I work in a nursery. Many children left till approaching school start now and it's frankly due to lazy parenting. Don't make this in to a problem it need not be.

I'm with the first poster. Get over yourself.

@pantjog really why is that a big deal ? Do you tell your child about tooth fairy and father xmas ,

No don't raise this. I think just toughen up a bit and let your child face the real world. There is seriously so much more to come and if you're in a spin over this then you need to just get a bit of a grip.

If he can manage to tell you that nursery told him thats all that was in his bag and no nappies , then he surely is ready to toilet train as must have goof vocabulary and understanding

My 10 month old is in pull-ups/nappy pants as she's too wriggly to put a nappy on properly! Our nursery provide their own nappies so they will always stick with strappy nappies. As long as they do the job no?

It worked though, didn't it? Whether the nursery worker was lying or mistaken, he wore a pull up. I'd be celebrating rather than looking for trouble.

You seem to be more worried about your pride...

This feels awful as I have always tried to make sure my boys have everything they need for nursery/school.

...than about getting him to the next stage.

If it was an error on their part, they're not going to think badly about you because you (they thought) didn't put an ordinary nappy in. If it was a white lie, well that's not the end of the world either. Your DS isn't going to judge you for 'forgetting' to put a nappy in.

You sent him with pull ups and informed nursery you want him to wear the pull ups? I think you are making a bit of a mountain out of a molehill. I appreciate the sentiment of not lying but I think because you have let him decide he doesn't want to wear pull ups you have kind of put them in a position where they either have to say 'oh there is just pull ups here' or be the bad guy and say no to him. I'm 100% for waiting until you feel your child is ready for toilet training but I fear you have maybe made a bit of a thing of it and thats why he has become so negative about the pull ups. Most kids I know were in nappy pants from crawling age and the parent decided that, not the child. So there wasn't this interim stage of having to transition him to pull up pants before attempting potty training.

I have a strong willed child coming up to potty training after a very easy going one who just took it easily and I'm sure ill be having the same conversations with myself soon. I just think he might be shutting down a bit from the pressure of talking about it every day and asking him if he requested the pants. Like if you just had a wee month off of him just observing but not discussing whats happening with the other kids and then crack on and attempt again.