Page 10 | To ask nursery not to lie

Bakingwithmyboys · 2021-10-18T22:28:58+00:00

DS2 started nursery for morning sessions in sept. He's an end of August baby and just turned 3. It turned out he isn't ready for potty training yet as when we have tried, it's been rather traumatic. I send pull ups and nappies to nursery in the hope that as he sees others using the toilets he will show interest. Which seems to be working. He's talking about it a lot more but has been very adamant about only wearing actual nappies. He came home today in a pull up. I was full of praise, isn't this great, you can learn to use the potty etc. I asked him if he asked for the pull ups and he said he was told it was all that was in his bag. Checking his bag later on I see a normal nappy in plain view. They lied to him about what I was providing for him to use. This feels awful as I have always tried to make sure my boys have everything they need for nursery/school. AIBU to be unhappy about this? Would you say something or leave it and just celebrate he's a step closer to potty training. (I am prepared to be told I have PFB syndrome even though he's my second!)

Fetchthevet · 21/10/2021 07:27

@harmonypuss I hope you don't still hate her for it? Surely as an adult you can see that she was just trying to make your life a bit more fun and exciting? Weird thing to hate someone for.

Dogmummy1980 · 21/10/2021 13:41

My thought is that it’s possibly confusing for your son to be in nappies some of the time but pulls ups at other times - either you want him to start learning potty training or not - so therefore make the choice of what you want him to be doing. 3 is a good age for him to start potty training and if he is in pulls up all the time then he has a chance to attempt this every single time.

I wouldn’t complain - it’s really not a big issue and as others have said, they might have picked up the wrong bag or missed seeing the nappy. I’ve complained once to a nursery and it was a horrendous ordeal where I ended up removing my son from their care immediately - he had been bitten badly all over his arms by another child after being completely unsupervised in another room - and we hadn’t discovered it until we had been changing him for bed. He must have been hysterical when it was going on as he had broken skin (and a black long sleeve top on hence why we didn’t immediately notice)

I’d just be glad your son is being cared for, changed regularly and is happy in their care

Practicebeingpatient · 21/10/2021 14:04

It's so adolescent to assume that the nursery employee was deliberately trying to deceive your son. It's much more likely they just made a mistake. And as mistakes go this one is very, very trivial.

Halloaten · 21/10/2021 15:04

I'd put undies on him at 3 never mind a pull up

hardboiledeggs · 21/10/2021 16:46

This is really a non issue tbh.

Mollymoostoo · 21/10/2021 19:05

@AosSi

Yes, definitely take the word of a 3 year old as gospel and get ratty with the nursery. That won't earmark you as That Parent, oh nooooo. Especially not when kid perfectly fine without following mummy's rules.

Yep. I'm with you on this one.

TRex57128 · 21/10/2021 19:30

I really don't think it's a big deal. I think the person that said it wouldn't have viewed it as a lie, but as a quick way to encourage him into pull ups. I hope you can just take a few deep breaths and let it go. 🙂

Dcrolo12345 · 21/10/2021 19:52

I wouldn’t be bothered about this there trying to help you. Why can’t he wear pull ups all the time if you don’t want to potty train and he sees them more as pants ? You don’t need nappy’s for a 3 yr old (no offence) are you buying the pull ups that let them feel they are wet ? There’s different types , the standard pull up nappies are just the same as a nappy. I would buy the ones where he can feel wet. Or just brave it and buy aload of pants stay mostly at home for a week and go for it ? That’s what worked for my two year old.

Dcrolo12345 · 21/10/2021 19:52

You don’t want him to have to go to school and not be toilet trained.

FlyingWhistle · 21/10/2021 20:03

I'm impressed you can still get double tab nappies on a three year old, surely the only difference is that pull ups are easier to get on?

I had a late potty trainer but he was in pull up/nappy pants from as soon as he could crawl as they were the only thing I could get in him.

MerryMarigold · 21/10/2021 21:07

@FlyingWhistle

I'm impressed you can still get double tab nappies on a three year old, surely the only difference is that pull ups are easier to get on?

I had a late potty trainer but he was in pull up/nappy pants from as soon as he could crawl as they were the only thing I could get in him.

I work in a nursery and pull ups drive me crazy!! They are so hard to get on. Taking shoes, clothes etc off that you don't need to with a tab nappy. I hate the things! And I've never come across a child that wouldn't lie down for me and have the ballot changed on the mat, it's just parents who encourage this crawling around whilst changing a nappy. Do you really think we can change 14 nappies chasing a child around the room?!

Harmonypuss · 22/10/2021 01:26

@Fetchthevet

The whole thing about lying to me has always given me cause to hate the wicked old cow, along with various really serious things she's done against me over the past 40-odd years.
Was she really trying to make life fun for me? That would be a resounding NO! She only ever did things for the pleasure of herself or my sister, my parents were divorced, she got us kids, I was my father's favourite and she told me every day from the age of 5 (when he left) until the day I left home, that I was too much like him and she hated me for it!
I've not spoken to her, by choice, in well over 10yrs. She contacted my younger son last year saying she'd remarried (not during the pandemic) but hadn't bothered to invite him or his elder brother (who had lived with her for several years) to the wedding.
Her new husband contacted me on my birthday saying that she wanted to build bridges, I told him to tell her that if that's what she wants then she had to do the building and should contact me herself, that was 7 months ago and I've heard nothing. I did hear on the grapevine that she's been ill with covid, my response.... it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person!

So yes, I still hate her, not specifically over the Santa crap but that's just one of an extremely long list of reasons.

RainbowMum11 · 22/10/2021 02:34

I have to reply to this - my DD wasn't 'toilet trained' until she was almost 4, but she was dry through the night for a good year before that.
Pull ups didn't help at all - she went from nappies to completely ready straight away as she was ready, and the wonderful staff at her Pre-school knew the signs and took it at her pace. Absolutely 0 accidents.

Marvellousmadness · 22/10/2021 06:44

I think op is realising she was U.
Get toilettraining up and running op. He is more then ready.

And pull ups are just nappies with easy access.

Fetchthevet · 22/10/2021 07:31

[quote Harmonypuss]@Fetchthevet

The whole thing about lying to me has always given me cause to hate the wicked old cow, along with various really serious things she's done against me over the past 40-odd years.
Was she really trying to make life fun for me? That would be a resounding NO! She only ever did things for the pleasure of herself or my sister, my parents were divorced, she got us kids, I was my father's favourite and she told me every day from the age of 5 (when he left) until the day I left home, that I was too much like him and she hated me for it!
I've not spoken to her, by choice, in well over 10yrs. She contacted my younger son last year saying she'd remarried (not during the pandemic) but hadn't bothered to invite him or his elder brother (who had lived with her for several years) to the wedding.
Her new husband contacted me on my birthday saying that she wanted to build bridges, I told him to tell her that if that's what she wants then she had to do the building and should contact me herself, that was 7 months ago and I've heard nothing. I did hear on the grapevine that she's been ill with covid, my response.... it couldn't have happened to a more deserving person!

So yes, I still hate her, not specifically over the Santa crap but that's just one of an extremely long list of reasons.[/quote]
I'm sorry

Hadenough2021 · 23/10/2021 17:33

3 and still In nappies? You’re the problem here not the nursery.

nopuppiesallowed · 23/10/2021 18:28

I'm certain that I'd have automatically used disposable nappies with our 3 but can see why lots of toddlers are trained so late now. If a child is in lovely dry disposable nappies, it's easy to keep him in them.

No grim nappies to wash so why not leave potty training as late as possible? It's a faff to do as you need a week, running after their little bare bottoms, potty in hand. It's a pain.
Toddler is comfy so he's got no reason to stop what he's doing to sit on a potty. Again, it's a pain for him.

BUT if a toddler can be dry during the day aged 2 and uses 4 nappies a day, over the year until he's 3 that's 1460 nappies going into landfill - and that's an underestimate. One more thing - if your toddler is dry at night, he can be dry in the day. Yes. Some take longer to be dry than others, but I had 3 children and absolutely none of the big circles of young mums I knew (and we moved houses and areas a lot so that's a fair number of mothers) had problems training their kids. It's a mystery to me why toddlers have changed so much...

Offmyfence · 23/10/2021 19:05

@wantanotherdog

I'm certain that I'd have automatically used disposable nappies with our 3 but can see why lots of toddlers are trained so late now. If a child is in lovely dry disposable nappies, it's easy to keep him in them.

No grim nappies to wash so why not leave potty training as late as possible? It's a faff to do as you need a week, running after their little bare bottoms, potty in hand. It's a pain.
Toddler is comfy so he's got no reason to stop what he's doing to sit on a potty. Again, it's a pain for him.

BUT if a toddler can be dry during the day aged 2 and uses 4 nappies a day, over the year until he's 3 that's 1460 nappies going into landfill - and that's an underestimate. One more thing - if your toddler is dry at night, he can be dry in the day. Yes. Some take longer to be dry than others, but I had 3 children and absolutely none of the big circles of young mums I knew (and we moved houses and areas a lot so that's a fair number of mothers) had problems training their kids. It's a mystery to me why toddlers have changed so much...

Toddlers haven't changed at all, as you'll see from the equally judgemental posts on here! Like my three were dry at 26 months etc.

Just like judgemental people like you, who harp back to the "good old days" when mothers were perfect.

I had my judgemental MIL, who you sound just like saying here's were toilet trained at 14 months. What age did was, take the nappy off and make them sit on a potty for hours. Not toilet trained at all.

nopuppiesallowed · 23/10/2021 20:00

No mother in any generation has ever been perfect - there are so many things I did wrong that I would change but it's too late now. However, being concerned about the planet is definitely not being judgemental. Surely you must have concerns about that? And landfills overflowing with millions of nappies which don't degrade is a real concern - and it's something we can definitely do something about.

Cantstopthewaves · 23/10/2021 20:02

@saraclara

It worked though, didn't it? Whether the nursery worker was lying or mistaken, he wore a pull up. I'd be celebrating rather than looking for trouble.

Me too.

Offmyfence · 23/10/2021 20:18

@wantanotherdog

No mother in any generation has ever been perfect - there are so many things I did wrong that I would change but it's too late now. However, being concerned about the planet is definitely not being judgemental. Surely you must have concerns about that? And landfills overflowing with millions of nappies which don't degrade is a real concern - and it's something we can definitely do something about.

I don't think a one off late potty trainer is the issue with landfill, do you?

nopuppiesallowed · 23/10/2021 22:49

@Offmyfence
You are right. A one off late potty trainer isn't a problem. But 3 million disposable nappies are sold in the UK each year. That is definitely a problem and an issue with landfill.

Offmyfence · 24/10/2021 06:34

[quote wantanotherdog]@Offmyfence
You are right. A one off late potty trainer isn't a problem. But 3 million disposable nappies are sold in the UK each year. That is definitely a problem and an issue with landfill.[/quote]
Maybe, but berating a mother with the issue of landfill and assuming all mothers today are lazy, because they have it so easy with disposables is out of order, IMO!

The OP didn't ask your opinion on TT, disposable nappies or landfill, she asked if the nursery should've been honest.