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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Different to touch a mans pecs to a woman's breasts?

246 replies

imamearcat · 17/10/2021 23:56

Did anyone see the thing where a woman touched 'Gastons' chest at Disney land?

I got into a bit of an argument on Facebook about it with people saying it was the same as a man touching someone's breasts. I just don't think it's the same at all. Not saying it's right, but not the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:
user1473878824 · 18/10/2021 00:01

It’s unwanted contact with a sexual meaning. So yes, it’s the same. You don’t touch anyone like that without consent.

MargaretFaffter · 18/10/2021 00:03

I don’t think it’s the same but neither should happen without consent.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 18/10/2021 00:03

Why isn't it the same?

He didn't want to be touched, he made that clear, she did it anyway (more than once I think).

It was sexual harassment/assault.

Trying to minimise it by saying "it's not as bad as ...." is pretty odd behaviour.

Lockheart · 18/10/2021 00:04

No-one should be groping anyone without their consent.

Original poster
imamearcat · 18/10/2021 00:10

@ABCeasyasdohrayme because there was obviously no threat to his safety, I think. I do think it was wrong of her but i don't feel he would be threatened in the same way a woman would feel having a random guy touch her boobs.

OP posts:
TheGoogleMum · 18/10/2021 00:10

Breasts are sexualised more than pecs I'd say, so maybe it is a little different, but it doesn't matter which is worse the important thing is that unwanted groping is always wrong

maddening · 18/10/2021 00:11

I think it is the same as touching any other part of a woman, but breasts are, rightly or wrongfully, have a very sexual aspect to them, so touching breasts would be more similar to running your hand up a.mans inside leg. Touching a man's clothed chest, whilst wrong if it is unwanted contact is more like putting a hand on a woman's back or waist, still overly intimate.

user1473878824 · 18/10/2021 00:12

[quote imamearcat]@ABCeasyasdohrayme because there was obviously no threat to his safety, I think. I do think it was wrong of her but i don't feel he would be threatened in the same way a woman would feel having a random guy touch her boobs. [/quote]
Well you’re just explaining away unwanted sexualised contact in the same way someone who thought it was okay to grab your boobs in that situation would.

NotSoNewAndShiny · 18/10/2021 00:14

Groping anyone without their consent is sexual harassment. It's irrelevant whether it's the same/as bad as the other or not.

It's still part of a person's body.

Original poster
imamearcat · 18/10/2021 00:14

@maddening yes that's what I thought pecs are not the same as breasts!

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 18/10/2021 00:15

[quote imamearcat]@ABCeasyasdohrayme because there was obviously no threat to his safety, I think. I do think it was wrong of her but i don't feel he would be threatened in the same way a woman would feel having a random guy touch her boobs. [/quote]
Why? Because she’s a woman? Women can’t harm men?

The 1980s called. They want their attitudes back. Hmm

steff13 · 18/10/2021 00:15

@NotSoNewAndShiny

Groping anyone without their consent is sexual harassment. It's irrelevant whether it's the same/as bad as the other or not.

It's still part of a person's body.

Exactly. I saw that video he was pretty upset about the touching, telling her to stop and that there were children present. Her behavior was gross.
Original poster
imamearcat · 18/10/2021 00:17

I suppose a bit like touching a woman's waist or arm might not be appreciated or acceptable but not the same as touching her breasts.

OP posts:
Original poster
imamearcat · 18/10/2021 00:18

Maybe I'm just out of touch and glad to be told that.

OP posts:
steff13 · 18/10/2021 00:18

You've never touched a man's chest in a sexual context?

Regardless, it's a useless discussion; unwanted touch is unacceptable, full stop. Arguing over which is worse is foolish.

GatoradeMeBitch · 18/10/2021 00:19

Of course it's not the same. Pecs are not secondary sexual characteristics. This is why men can walk around half naked all summer without comment.

You may as well say that touching a man's elbow is the same as groping a woman's bum. Ridiculous. Of course no-one should be touching anyone without their permission, but the "If the genders were reversed" manufactured outrage is so tiring, and so obvious.

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 18/10/2021 00:21

[quote imamearcat]@ABCeasyasdohrayme because there was obviously no threat to his safety, I think. I do think it was wrong of her but i don't feel he would be threatened in the same way a woman would feel having a random guy touch her boobs. [/quote]
So if a man touched one of the Disney princesses breasts, there was a crowd and he was laughing about it, it wouldn't be that bad because she obviously wasn't feeling threatened?

This man was in front of kids, doing his job, was sexually harassed then touched, had to keep character so he didn't frighten the kids, and so he would keep his job. Its fair to say he had a lot to lose, as well as having to deal with unwanted touching.

Original poster
imamearcat · 18/10/2021 00:25

I don't think my kids would be traumatised by viewing the experience.

Is there this ingrained problem in society where girls don't respect men's rights that I don't know about?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/10/2021 00:25

So if a man touched one of the Disney princesses breasts, there was a crowd and he was laughing about it, it wouldn't be that bad because she obviously wasn't feeling threatened?

This man was in front of kids, doing his job, was sexually harassed then touched, had to keep character so he didn't frighten the kids, and so he would keep his job. Its fair to say he had a lot to lose, as well as having to deal with unwanted touching.

Spot on @ABCeasyasdohrayme

Besides, how to we know he wasn't feeling threatened? Working with the public brings you into contact with all sorts of weird and unpredictable people.

NotSoNewAndShiny · 18/10/2021 00:26

OP, I think you're minimising this by focusing on finding the equivalent on a woman's body. It doesn't matter.

I haven't watched the video and didn't even know about it till this thread but from what @steff13 said, this is threatening behaviour for her to blatantly do this in public view, knowing he's a man so there's nothing be could do about it there and then, he should be enjoying the attention, it's not the same as touching a woman.

What she did was hypocritical and despicable. It's the double standards we have and why we're busy arguing over if it's the same as touching a woman's breasts. Even if she was only touching his hand, what happened to "no means no"?

WorraLiberty · 18/10/2021 00:26

@imamearcat

I don't think my kids would be traumatised by viewing the experience.

Is there this ingrained problem in society where girls don't respect men's rights that I don't know about?

Why are you trying so hard to minimise harassment?
WorraLiberty · 18/10/2021 00:27

Here's the video if anyone wants to see it

NotSoNewAndShiny · 18/10/2021 00:29

Thanks for the video @WorraLiberty

He did the right thing.

Original poster
imamearcat · 18/10/2021 00:31

It's not the same though. Back to my OP, I never said it was ok

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/10/2021 00:32

I agree @NotSoNewAndShiny.

He acted very professionally considering she tried to touch him twice more after he told her to leave.