Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

Different to touch a mans pecs to a woman's breasts?

246 replies

imamearcat · 17/10/2021 23:56

Did anyone see the thing where a woman touched 'Gastons' chest at Disney land?

I got into a bit of an argument on Facebook about it with people saying it was the same as a man touching someone's breasts. I just don't think it's the same at all. Not saying it's right, but not the same.

AIBU?

OP posts:

NiceGerbil · 19/10/2021 03:25

Was going to say yeah no point.

Lol at spotting that though!

So strange.

One or the other may be true?

Either way why go on a thread about girls women sexual assault and say yeah not seen it so don't believe it.

It's a strange topic to have a bit of fun about.

mountbattenbergcake · 19/10/2021 03:26

Yeah I’m just on that thread, incidentally, and noticed the name,

Unless she does school drop offs at rush hour 🤷🏻‍♀️ Who knows.

NiceGerbil · 19/10/2021 03:33

Out of interest - only saw that thread title- if it was about OP saying AIBU to tell OH to sort own stuff. That poster said. Yabu it's your job he is earning?

mountbattenbergcake · 19/10/2021 03:45

@NiceGerbil

Out of interest - only saw that thread title- if it was about OP saying AIBU to tell OH to sort own stuff. That poster said. Yabu it's your job he is earning?

Yes, you should read the posts, it’s a doozy. Here is some of the response:

I know it seems very old fashioned but i have to say it works. I do what i want when i want and really enjoy seeing our kids getting the benefit of both our hard work.
The laundry = well every role has bits you don't like. I wouldn't dream of asking him to press a shirt.

I don't think the problem is laundry, i think the problem is a lack of traditional men who are prepared to do the full traditional dad role.

Would you do the laundry given all the benefits to your family of having such a husband?

Couldhavebeenme3 · 19/10/2021 07:11

@imamearcat

So you feel that it would be just the same if some random guy grabbed a boob of a princess? I just don't. I'm sorry I just don't.

It would be more sexual and more threatening.

But she wasn't 'just' touching him, like perhaps your hand might touch a man's chest when he pulls you in for a bear hug. She approached him with both hands out and directly went for his pecs, like a sleazy Carry On character, or Benny Hill, or Chubby Chase might. Revolting, and yes, worthy of being ejected from the park.

It was completely unacceptable physical contact, of someone who was at work, and who managed to deal with it whilst maintaining his character. In a FAMILY theme park, no doubt surrounded by children. Nobody has a right to be so direct in touching a stranger like that, male or female.

Lulu2021 · 19/10/2021 08:32

@Couldhavebeenme3

I couldn't agree more with your post

Eleganz · 19/10/2021 08:53

OP, there have been 10 pages now. Looks like most people disagree with you. I'd rather know why you want to convince people that nonconsensual sexual touching of men by women is not as bad as the other way round? How does this help women?

ANameChangeAgain · 19/10/2021 09:02

Why the aggression @NiceGerbil

ANameChangeAgain

He was at work and she had no right to touch him. If he patted her backside, which is probably the closest equivalent, then all hell would have broken loose.

Nonsense.

Women get grabbed all the time. Esp when working in certain types of costume/ attire.

Women getting grabbed at work is also bad, did you really need me to add that to my post, or are we completely misunderstanding each other?

DrSbaitso · 19/10/2021 09:06

Good for him. He's an actor who signed up to play a role, not to be grabbed by randoms at their whim. I wish more women were able to respond in the same way when they get grabbed.

mountbattenbergcake · 19/10/2021 09:54

@ANameChangeAgain

Why the aggression *@NiceGerbil*

ANameChangeAgain

He was at work and she had no right to touch him. If he patted her backside, which is probably the closest equivalent, then all hell would have broken loose.

Nonsense.

Women get grabbed all the time. Esp when working in certain types of costume/ attire.

Women getting grabbed at work is also bad, did you really need me to add that to my post, or are we completely misunderstanding each other?

What aggression @ANameChangeAgain? I don’t think NiceGerbil has been aggressive at all.

Wroxie · 19/10/2021 09:57

The lot of you insisting that this is "just as bad" as a man grabbing a woman's breasts remind me of men who insist that male circumcision is "just as bad" as female genital mutilation and who can't allow a conversation about FGM to go for more than five minutes without screeching WhAT AbOUt OuR PENISES. Why are you so desperate to stand up for men instead of women? Why can't you have a nuanced view of anything.

It is bad to touch someone without permission, especially in their fucking place of work, and this woman was wrong -OF COURSE SHE WAS- and it was correct that she was told off and asked to leave. HOWEVER- women grabbing men or touching their chests is not the thin end of a wedge that includes every kind of abuse and assault imaginable up to and including rape, mutilation and murder. It's just not.

If this happened in a bar, at night, where this man was a bartender instead of a Disney character, would he then be afraid to walk to his car when his shift ended in fear of being attacked by the woman who'd grabbed at his chest earlier? Of course he fucking wouldn't. But if you switch the genders, the woman would be terrified. I know I would be, because I was, when this happened to me, more than once. I paid part of my tips to one of the barbacks every night when I closed so they would stay back and walk me to my car after I closed the bar - and on more than one occasion it proved to be entirely necessary because one of the creeps that had been kicked out earlier was waiting because he "just wanted to talk". This doesn't happen to men, or if it does, they are just annoyed, not terrified. There is a huge difference. HUGE. And the fact that so many of you just ignore it out of some desperate need for male approval or whatever, god knows what's going on in your heads, makes me feel literally sick.

MasterBeth · 19/10/2021 10:32

It’s the same… but different.

The same because… unwanted contact.

Different because… the patriarchy, rape culture, sexualisation of women’s breasts and thousands of years of female oppression.

mountbattenbergcake · 19/10/2021 10:53

I think what was also annoying about this video is the women went to do it again after he told her no.

DoreenWinkings · 19/10/2021 11:17

@Fradishes

YADNBU - can’t believe I’m seeing the same video as other people who are saying it’s the same as the other way around! Not only is touching a mans chest different from touching a woman’s chest, look at them! He towers over her, he probably weighs at least twice as much. Saying it’s just the same as if he did it to her is kind of a scary attitude, in terms of women being free from sexual assault this will come back to bite us, honestly.

I dont think his size is particularly relevant in this particular instance. They weren't two random people in a pub. He was in character at work. He can't respond in the way he probably wanted to because he risks losing his job if he does. She is a customer, so in this case, she holds the power.

And the power imbalance does matter - as you say, in most cases the man holds it by virtue of size and strength. But sometimes the woman does - and we can't just ignore those times because they're rare, that would be stupid.

gogohm · 19/10/2021 14:55

Without consent touching another person is young whatever part of the anatomy

NiceGerbil · 21/10/2021 01:17

You mean sexual touching / intentional I assume?

Couldhavebeenme3 · 21/10/2021 08:05

@NiceGerbil

You mean sexual touching / intentional I assume?

Any intentional touching without consent is wrong, and any unintentional should be apologised for (eg bumping into someone in a shop). This video clearly shows a woman intentionally making inappropriate contact with a professional man at work.

NiceGerbil · 22/10/2021 00:35

Surely it needs to have a sexual component or be... Not sure how to describe it!

Tapping on shoulder to get attention is fine surely?

I've had old ladies pat me on the arm. Fine.

I've workmates put arm round me in pub etc. Fine.

I mean loads of stuff!

A tap on the shoulder is in no way the same as a deliberate grope!

Couldhavebeenme3 · 22/10/2021 06:55

@NiceGerbil

Surely it needs to have a sexual component or be... Not sure how to describe it!

Tapping on shoulder to get attention is fine surely?

I've had old ladies pat me on the arm. Fine.

I've workmates put arm round me in pub etc. Fine.

I mean loads of stuff!

A tap on the shoulder is in no way the same as a deliberate grope!

You saw the video op is commenting on, right?

OK, so there might be some 'allowances' made but no, there are better ways to ask attention to get directions, old ladies generally just don't approach folk out of the blue to pat their arm, and 'in the pub with mates' assumes long-standing friendship and physical familiarity.

OverByYer · 22/10/2021 07:01

It’s unwanted sexual touching, doesn’t matter which body part it is.

NiceGerbil · 23/10/2021 01:50

Could- yes saw the video. She was totally out of order.

I just read what you wrote and replied to what you wrote, I assumed you didn't mean it as written so was asking. Is all.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Swipe left for the next trending thread