Is he tight with money?

[ellaboo2]

Been with boyfriend for 2.5 years. We still live separately but he comes over a few times a week. I've started to notice over the last few months that he seems to be a bit tight with money but I'm not sure if it's just me.

He'll do things like come over for the evening, if we then go out somewhere he'll automatically walk to my car rather than his, expecting me to drive, every single time. If we go cinema I'll book the tickets (I have a Cineworld unlimited card), but he has never once given me the money back for his ticket, or even offered to. We've always gone around once a week so this does add up.

If I suggest going somewhere that involves buying tickets, I'll buy them as it was my suggestion but he'll never offer to pay for his ticket. He never suggests going anywhere.

To be fair to him if we go out for dinner he will usually pay, but we only do this maybe once every couple of months.

We earn the same amount, except my outgoings are a lot more than his (house, children etc).

Am I being unreasonable here?

Maybe he’s in debt and hasn’t told you or has other outgoings that you don’t know about. In any case, the only way to make things more equal is if you communicate this with him.

Why haven't you asked him?

I have brought it up recently and to be honest he made me feel like I was being silly which is why I'm asking on here.

He doesn't have any debt and I know he is managing to put a reasonable amount in to his savings each month.

Ask him has something happened?

Or when you next go out tell him it is his turn. His reaction may lead to the discussion you need to have!

If it bribed you then either get his half up front or stop buying the tickets

Seems like he is showing cocklodger tendencies. I would bring it up, say, I'm always paying for the cinema, how about you pay for a weekend away for us or a night at x. Elder what his reaction is

Sounds tight to me.

But do you ever bluntly ask for the money for his ticket? Or suggested he book this time?

You shouldn't be subsiding his lifestyle.

Does he want to drink so not drive?

I think however you are probably right and are picking up his lack of generosity. It's not an attractive trait in a partner.

You could mention it, say, can you get these tickets please and see what's his response

So if you suggest something and book the tickets you pay, and if suggests a meal he pays (but doesn’t do that as regularly?).

It sounds more like he sees it as your idea so you’re offering to pay, if you’d prefer he pays for his share you need to say next time.

Just simply say ‘I’ll book the tickets they’re £x are you ok to transfer that over’ or ‘can you drive this time I did last time’ and see how he reacts, you’ll soon figure out if he’s being tight or not.

Why do you just shut up and pay for everything? Say something FGS.

It should be half of everything. Driving, paying for stuff etc.
I bet he’s got a nice wad of savings in his bank account.

Oh and LTB.

@icedcoffees

Why do you just shut up and pay for everything? Say something FGS.

Exactly!

Even if it's a playful punch on the arm and "Come on tightwad, dig deep".

Why are you so passive? Next time tell him that you’re going in his car for example.

As I said up thread, I did bring this up with him recently and he made me feel like I was being silly.

We went out last week and he was expecting me to drive. I said to him that he should drive instead and he looked very surprised that I'd said that. He had a (jokey) moan about it but then did drive.

Nah. It's not a partnership. He expects you to pay and do everything. What does he bring to this relationship?

@ellaboo2

As I said up thread, I did bring this up with him recently and he made me feel like I was being silly.

We went out last week and he was expecting me to drive. I said to him that he should drive instead and he looked very surprised that I'd said that. He had a (jokey) moan about it but then did drive.

Well what did he actually say? Did he say "sorry I didn't even think about it" or "you're suggesting going out so you should pay" or "I don't know what you're talking about I pay my fair share"?

Next time you are going to book tickets you say it's £x each, so transfer that before I book please. If he makes excuses say ok we won't bother this time. He walks to your car - no you can drive this time, I don't want to. Again if he makes excuses, ok we won't bother. You may as well go home. Bye. And go back inside & leave him out there. Selfishness & being inconsiderate are not attractive.

So next time you go out and he goes towards your car say oh I thought we would take yours this time

Before you book tickets ask him if he is going to pay as you always do, or ask for his money before you book

So when you brought it up what did he say? We can't really advise unless we know what he has said about it..... But sounds like he is a stingy arse.

@girlmom21 It was more along the lines of I don't know what you're talking about!

Don't let him move in with you.

[quote ellaboo2]@girlmom21 It was more along the lines of I don't know what you're talking about! [/quote]
In that case definitely make a point of highlighting it every single time you book something!

Hmm I think a lack of generosity is a really unattractive trait and it usually spills into every area of your life. E.g., not generous with his time, quite selfish generally, a bit dismissive of your feelings and not generous or considerate in the sack!

@ellaboo2

As I said up thread, I did bring this up with him recently and he made me feel like I was being silly.

We went out last week and he was expecting me to drive. I said to him that he should drive instead and he looked very surprised that I'd said that. He had a (jokey) moan about it but then did drive.

So why have you stayed with someone who can't even be bothered to drive to your date?