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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is he tight with money?

197 replies

ellaboo2 · 17/10/2021 15:19

Been with boyfriend for 2.5 years. We still live separately but he comes over a few times a week. I've started to notice over the last few months that he seems to be a bit tight with money but I'm not sure if it's just me.

He'll do things like come over for the evening, if we then go out somewhere he'll automatically walk to my car rather than his, expecting me to drive, every single time. If we go cinema I'll book the tickets (I have a Cineworld unlimited card), but he has never once given me the money back for his ticket, or even offered to. We've always gone around once a week so this does add up.

If I suggest going somewhere that involves buying tickets, I'll buy them as it was my suggestion but he'll never offer to pay for his ticket. He never suggests going anywhere.

To be fair to him if we go out for dinner he will usually pay, but we only do this maybe once every couple of months.

We earn the same amount, except my outgoings are a lot more than his (house, children etc).

Am I being unreasonable here?

OP posts:
DampSquidGames · 17/10/2021 17:56

Why doesn’t he get an unlimited cineworld card if you go every week?

Howshouldibehave · 17/10/2021 18:02

@PussInBin20

What? So for 2.5 years you’ve been paying for weekly cinema tickets and not thought to ask him for his share - I would have been querying this after the first month!
Well, quite!

I can’t believe this has gone on for long really and you’ve not said anything!?

ellaboo2 · 17/10/2021 18:03

@DampSquidGames He says he doesn't want one!

OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 17/10/2021 18:13

[quote ellaboo2]@DampSquidGames He says he doesn't want one! [/quote]
Of course he does.

They cost £9.99 a month whereas you’re paying for him for free at the moment!

Just stop!

yeahitsabadidea · 17/10/2021 18:36

[quote ellaboo2]@DampSquidGames He says he doesn't want one! [/quote]

Why would he?! He has one via you. Where's his incentive?

TumtumTree · 17/10/2021 18:51

OP, maybe it would be worth spending a couple of weeks keeping track of what he spends vs what you spend. It might be quite eye opening and help you stand your ground next time you raise it.

SmileyClare · 17/10/2021 19:02

He's taking the piss out of you.

He knows what he's doing. As mentioned upthread, he's taking money that you could be spending on your dc or saving towards their future.

And he's doing that classic thing tight people do of hoping you won't notice and feigning surprise/downplaying it if you mention anything.

Sorry I would find that a complete turn off.

LawnFever · 17/10/2021 19:05

[quote ellaboo2]@DampSquidGames He says he doesn't want one! [/quote]
Just say next time you fancy going to the cinema, ‘if you fancy coming you’ll need to get an unlimited card like mine, because I can’t afford to keep buying your tickets when mine are already covered’.

See what he says Smile

Mary46 · 17/10/2021 19:09

Does he buy cinema food. If not I would def say something. I found with a friend would start fumbling for cash at till its not a nice trait people being tight.

DampSquidGames · 17/10/2021 19:14

TumtumTree think your suggestion of tracking the spending for a few weeks is a really good idea.

Standrewsschool · 17/10/2021 19:15

Maybe he’s not a confident driver, so prefers you to drive.

When you next book the tickets, maybe suggest you buy them using his card.

Suggest he pays for more.

If you conclude he is tight fisted, then the ick has set in.

WhatMattersMost · 17/10/2021 19:18

Horrendous! What are you doing with him?!

AhNowTed · 17/10/2021 19:19

I'm on the fence.

He normally pays for dinner. This would usually be more than a cinema night.

Start going 50/50.

Be upfront about what he owes you.

Then decide if he's opting out of paying.

Travis1 · 17/10/2021 19:20

Nope. Run.

Rainbowqueeen · 17/10/2021 19:22

It sounds like you always stay at your house. So if he never contributes to food or bills there he should be paying for all outings to the cinema and at least his share of any other outings.

He knows what he is doing OP. There’s absolutely no way he doesn’t know.

Think about what you want to do based on that

mcmooberry · 17/10/2021 19:23

It's not just you, he is absolutely as tight as a badger's arse and now will grudge paying for anything. Stop right now, I can't believe this has gone on so long, it would have annoyed me after the 2nd cinema ticket.

mountbattenbergcake · 17/10/2021 19:23

OP, you must know he’s taking the piss?

It’s in his interests to make you think you’re being silly.

Why are you putting up with this?

daisychain01 · 17/10/2021 19:26

Do his bum cheeks squeak when he walks?

Definitely don't move in together, he'll be stuck to you like a limpet and you'll never get rid.

FreshFreesias · 17/10/2021 19:27

Ugh. Can’t bear these tight men.

DeborahAnnabel · 17/10/2021 19:37

Don’t suggest to do anything fir an entire month. Or two. See what happens. Don’t offer to pay for anything or drive anywhere. That’s what I’d do.

HollowTalk · 17/10/2021 19:40

I know I have had a glass of wine but I really think men like this should be lined up against the wall and shot.

SmileSmileSmile

ellaboo2 · 17/10/2021 19:41

@DeborahAnnabel That's exactly what I was going to do but we have a couple of things booked in over the next few weeks unfortunately.

OP posts:
yeahitsabadidea · 17/10/2021 19:43

@HollowTalk

I know I have had a glass of wine but I really think men like this should be lined up against the wall and shot.

SmileSmileSmile

I love the way you try to make this sound more reasonable with the fact you've had a glass of wine and yet I'm sober and completely agree... Smile

LawnFever · 17/10/2021 19:45

[quote ellaboo2]@DeborahAnnabel That's exactly what I was going to do but we have a couple of things booked in over the next few weeks unfortunately. [/quote]
That’s fine but stop suggesting any more after that and see what happens?

DampSquidGames · 17/10/2021 19:47

With the cinema could you start saying transfer the £12.50 or whatever it is and you’ll book the ticket?
How often do you go out for dinner and how much is the bill approximately? x

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