Is he tight with money?

[ellaboo2]

Been with boyfriend for 2.5 years. We still live separately but he comes over a few times a week. I've started to notice over the last few months that he seems to be a bit tight with money but I'm not sure if it's just me.

He'll do things like come over for the evening, if we then go out somewhere he'll automatically walk to my car rather than his, expecting me to drive, every single time. If we go cinema I'll book the tickets (I have a Cineworld unlimited card), but he has never once given me the money back for his ticket, or even offered to. We've always gone around once a week so this does add up.

If I suggest going somewhere that involves buying tickets, I'll buy them as it was my suggestion but he'll never offer to pay for his ticket. He never suggests going anywhere.

To be fair to him if we go out for dinner he will usually pay, but we only do this maybe once every couple of months.

We earn the same amount, except my outgoings are a lot more than his (house, children etc).

Am I being unreasonable here?

Sounds tight to me OP!

What happens when you eat in? Does he contribute to your grocery bill or are you feeding him for free several times a week?

After 2.5 years surely you should be able to have a proper adult cards-on-the-table chat about money and agree some rough division of funds.

He has got way too complacent- you asked him to drive and he looked surprised? Unless you at his chauffeur, why would he be surprised?

How old is this man child? I think you are beginning to understand why no one else has snapped him up.

@TumtumTree He does buy the odd takeaway but if he has dinner at my house then no he doesn't bring any of the food with him etc.

[quote ellaboo2]@girlmom21 It was more along the lines of I don't know what you're talking about! [/quote]
Then tell him what you’re talking about. You’ve explained it quite clearly to us here, so do it with him.

He can’t make you feel anything. If he’s unwilling to engage in conversation about it, then you need to reassess your relationship.

Not the point but Would he consider getting a cineworld unlimited card? It works out less than 2 x ticket prices where I am so should save him money if you go twice or more a month… you can then add his card as a friend so you can book each other tickets using each other’s unlimited cards.

He should totally be paying you back of course and offer to drive half the time etc.

Seems like he is showing cocklodger tendencies

I bloody hate these men that expect a mother of children to pay their way as if they were another one of her children.

How often do you go to his? Does he cook for you?

I think you just need to be quite open about it.

Your turn to drive
I paid for the cinema last weeks your turn to pay
As you're always at mine and I provide the food, I think you need to start contributing. How about £20 a week (or whatever you think is reasonable)

I would break up with him. Not naturally generous, not paying his way (but putting money away for him), and then dismissive when you bring it up. Do you really want to live your life with someone like that?

my outgoings are more than his (house, children)

Does he not have his own place? Do you mean he lives with his mum?

It certainly sounds like he expects you to mother him; cooking for him, tidying, letting him stay for free, driving him around...

Tight people are often selfish too.

The dismissing of your perfectly valid point is even worse than expecting you to pay for everything. That’s horrible. You know what’s happening and he’s trying to make you doubt yourself.

I think the really important question is whether you can move things to a place where you can talk freely to him and confront problems. If you can't do that, then that is a much bigger problem than him being tight with money. The fact that you are asking us this at all is a big red flag for me.

@AnneLovesGilbert - exactly- what else will be start saying she is being silly over?

Yes he sounds tight and minimising your concerns rather than accepting you have a point and changing his behaviour is annoying. He is not a child. I personally would just tell him it is his turn to drive/pay or whatever and tell him he needs to pay his way. Or get shot of him.

Saying you’re being silly is actually really horrid. He’s getting a free social life and a chauffeur-that’s not fair.

I’d say-it feels like I always drive and pay for tickets. See what he says, if he says you’re being silly-say, ok you can do all driving and paying for tickets now. Why should I?!

Say to him "You know, I was just thinking I've spent around £X on your cinema tickets, so how about you pay for them till we're evens" and see what the reaction is.

Awww. My first husband was a tightwad and honestly it's HORRIBLE. My second (current) husband is generous and it's bliss. When we were dating he'd always drive, bring bags of food to cook for us if we were staying in, or would pay for dates if we went out. He also fixed everything in my house, and went out of his way to be kind and helpful to everyone in my life. He still does.

If you're questioning if a man is nice, it's a pretty reliable sign that he's not.

Get out now.

What would you do if one of your friends behaved this way? Would you think she was rude, probably yes.

You raise a valid issue with him, and he dismissed you. He has no problem with you paying for him and feeding him. The relationship costs you more money than him and he is fine with that.

Day good bye. He’s not kind or generous or fair.

Next time you buy tickets say to him...I brought the tickets, you owe me ££....stop paying and saying nothing!

Tightness is such an unattractive quality.

Wannabe Cocklodger. Put him in the bin.

[quote ellaboo2]@girlmom21 It was more along the lines of I don't know what you're talking about! [/quote]
Then explain very clearly

He does know what you are talking about! He is directly taking money off your children!

What? So for 2.5 years you’ve been paying for weekly cinema tickets and not thought to ask him for his share - I would have been querying this after the first month!