To be annoyed at DH

[1teaandchocolate]

On Friday morning, DH and his friend drove 4 hours down south for an event on the Saturday morning. He told me he would be back Saturday around 4. Fine by me.

He let me know when he was on his way back, told me roughly what time he would be at his friends (dropping him off). He rang me at 4.30 to tell me he was in a pub and would see me soon. DD (2) kept shouting daddy because she wanted to speak to him and I was trying to give DS (9months) his tea. He then rang back and told me he didn't know if he was going to come back. I then reminded him that he has a wife and 2 children at home and responsibilities. His friend is newly single and my DH seems to be enjoying being the 'wing man'.

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
We have a wedding tomorrow lunchtime, his friend lives over an hour away and the wedding is over an hour away from our house. He has also told me he is going to stay at the wedding for the evening do so I'll have to take the kids home on my own and put them to bed whilst he enjoys a free room in the hotel.

I don't mind him having fun and seeing friends, but Ive have barely had any family time with him since beginning of august. He keeps making plans with his single mate!

AIBU?! I'm so annoyed at him, i haven't even text him back. I actually have no idea where he is. I don't know if he even made it back to his friends. I know he's in the country because his passport is here 👍🏼

[GrandDuchessRomanov]

Fuck "wing man" I'd be telling him he is now his friend's new housemate.

[2Two]

Time to sit down with him and tell him if he doesn't grow up fast he's in danger of losing his family.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

Wow. How disrespectful. He just doesnt care at all, does he.

[toomuchlaundry]

Were you originally all planning to stay in the hotel room?

[Backtomyoldname]

Do you have/want to go to the wedding?

Could you make an excuse? Sickness, covid worry etc.

I’d not fancy dressing myself, 2 children + hour car journey to a wedding where I barely know anyone. Then having to bring them back solo.

[AttaGirrrrl]

STBXH used to pull this shit. If I’d known then what I know now, I’d have kicked him out the first time. Please don’t put up with it. You deserve more.

[RedHelenB]

@1teaandchocolate

I am so relieved that I am actually right in being angry!

I don't know if I'll have chance to get ready for the wedding. No idea when he is coming home. Just painted my nails now and hopefully can whack a bit of makeup on.

I'm breastfeeding and he wouldn't be able to settle the kids and get them ready for bed.

It's just adding fuel to the fire if I mention that I found his wedding ring on the kitchen windowsill. I asked him on the phone why it's off and it's so he didn't lose it if he was digging.

I genuinely have read so many posts on here about OH's and always thought I was lucky with my DH.

Keep baby with you and send him home with the toddler then

[Sn0tnose]

DH parents hate this 'friend' and have said he's a homewrecker.

I wonder whether they know something you don’t.

[girlmom21]

I could understand 'I'm obviously not going to be back for the kids bedtime' but blatantly telling you he's staying out all night with no consideration, conversation or explanation? I'd tell him he's not welcome home full stop.

[toomuchlaundry]

Why do you think he has turned off 'find friends'?

[Suspicioussam]

I wouldn't tolerate this at all. He has no respect for you and if you allow him to keep doing this you have no respect for yourself.
I would tell him if he ever does anything like that again he is gone and I would mean it!

[Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce]

Do your PIL know that your H is out with his mate at the moment?
I'd be inclined to let them know now, and also let them know that he's not coming home and about the 'arrangements' for tomorrow
You may find that they're on your side in all of this

[girlmom21]

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

Do your PIL know that your H is out with his mate at the moment?
I'd be inclined to let them know now, and also let them know that he's not coming home and about the 'arrangements' for tomorrow
You may find that they're on your side in all of this

He's a grown man. His parents don't need to know about his whereabouts.

[grapewine]

I found his wedding ring on the kitchen windowsill. I asked him on the phone why it's off and it's so he didn't lose it if he was digging.

I'd ask him to keep digging a bigger hole and jump into it. Could it be more obvious?

What a wanker. I wouldn't be going to the wedding. And I'd be looking at my options.

[JesusIsAnyNameFree]

@girlmom21

Why not? It's essentially an intervention. "Oi, son, you are ruining your marriage for the sake of your dickhead friend, are you sure you want to continue down this path?"

Something like that from family/friends and not the "nag" wife can make people see sense.

[1teaandchocolate]

Well the kids weren't coming until about a week ago. We were both staying in the hotel. Then decided not to so we could drive home afterwards just incase DS needed me as he doesn't settle well with a bottle. The bride then told us to bring the kids as she would love to see them. DH wants to stay for his friend - this friend is lovely. Really nice guy and has nothing to do with the 'friend' he is currently with.


His find friends will more than likely be off so his parents don't know he's not home.

[Itsokay2020]

Who does he think he is? Your DH needs a wake-up call, none of this is okay. I’d also be making it very clear to him that he is expected to join me on the journey home from the wedding and the hotel room can be offered to someone else. I’d then go awol the following weekend before sitting him down for a reality check. Gosh, I am so angry for you!

[CatJumperTwat]

You trusted that you had a good partner and you knew what he was like:

I genuinely have read so many posts on here about OH's and always thought I was lucky with my DH.

And yet despite neon flashing red flags, you can't believe he's cheating - or at least trying to cheat?

I know he's not cheating, it's just not him. I trust him. I'm just so angry at him being disrespectful and thinking it's ok to do this.

[girlmom21]

@JesusIsAnyNameFree because once you involve other people in your relationship your communication is shot.
What if they don't take the OP's side?

She needs to stand up to him, not run to his parents for help.

If my DP complained to my parents about my behaviour rather than just having it out with me I'd lose all respect for him.

[girlmom21]

His find friends will more than likely be off so his parents don't know he's not home.

Is your husband 14?

[Oblahdeeoblahdoe]

He's a childish twat. He should be worried about what you think not his parents. Nip this in the bud now. This happened with my parents when DF started going out with his divorced mate. Thought he was single again but he had a wife and 4 kids and numerous women!

[Merryoldgoat]

It boils down to your husband not respecting you.

Is that what you want for the rest of your life? A husband you have to shepherd through the correct course of action?

You shouldn’t have to tell him something so clearly unacceptable is unacceptable.

I couldn’t live like that, I just couldn’t.

[GrandDuchessRomanov]

Do his parents check his whereabouts then?

That is v.weird if so!

[Rainbowqueeen]

He’s told on himself by telling you not to be angry. He clearly knows that you should be angry. He doesn’t care.
When he returns I would tell him that you need some time away from him to think. Take the baby. Leave him with the toddler. If he needs to take time off work then that’s on him. If he wants to know how much time you need tell him you don’t know.
If he is anything other than repentant and understanding then that’s your answer. Any attempts at DARVO then I’d be getting my ducks in a row.

[timeisnotaline]

It’s not the end of the world for his friend if dh doesn’t stay late at his wedding. Mine would be coming home with me after the wedding or not at all. You deserve respect, you’re not just a 24 hour a day babysitter.
You seem very casual about taking the wedding ring off and turning find my friends off! I’d find any way I could to tell his parents he’s not home- are they nearby? Can you ask them to come look after dc for an hour so you can get ready as dh didn’t make it home and you have no idea when he’ll be there?