To be annoyed at DH

[1teaandchocolate]

On Friday morning, DH and his friend drove 4 hours down south for an event on the Saturday morning. He told me he would be back Saturday around 4. Fine by me.

He let me know when he was on his way back, told me roughly what time he would be at his friends (dropping him off). He rang me at 4.30 to tell me he was in a pub and would see me soon. DD (2) kept shouting daddy because she wanted to speak to him and I was trying to give DS (9months) his tea. He then rang back and told me he didn't know if he was going to come back. I then reminded him that he has a wife and 2 children at home and responsibilities. His friend is newly single and my DH seems to be enjoying being the 'wing man'.

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
We have a wedding tomorrow lunchtime, his friend lives over an hour away and the wedding is over an hour away from our house. He has also told me he is going to stay at the wedding for the evening do so I'll have to take the kids home on my own and put them to bed whilst he enjoys a free room in the hotel.

I don't mind him having fun and seeing friends, but Ive have barely had any family time with him since beginning of august. He keeps making plans with his single mate!

AIBU?! I'm so annoyed at him, i haven't even text him back. I actually have no idea where he is. I don't know if he even made it back to his friends. I know he's in the country because his passport is here 👍🏼

[Minfilia]

Jesus. I trust my DH but if he left his wedding ring at home, turned his phone tracker off and announced he wasn’t coming home, I’d 100% think he was cheating or trying to. I wouldn’t want him back after that tbh.

[girlmom21]

@Nondescriptname I'm the same as you. I'd do it for the bride and grooms benefit. DP would be leaving when I do and would be making a serious decision about whether he wants to remain in the relationship.

If he did, his attitude and behaviour would need to change sharpish.

[Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce]

[quote girlmom21]@Nondescriptname I'm the same as you. I'd do it for the bride and grooms benefit. DP would be leaving when I do and would be making a serious decision about whether he wants to remain in the relationship.

If he did, his attitude and behaviour would need to change sharpish. [/quote]
What if he refused to leave when OP did tho?
She couldn't physically drag him out of the venue
So potentially massive scene caused, upsetting the B&G when it all could have been avoided by her and the kids not attending in the first place and the OP explaining why she wouldn't be attending. 🤷‍♀️

[Duchess379]

We're invested now OP, how did the day pan out? xx

[Duchess379]

@Franca123

I'd be laying the law down to him. He needs a massive kick up the backside because he's taking the piss out of you.

He just needs a massive kick in, full stop 😠

[Duchess379]

@Nondescriptname

Of course they are at the wedding and it's very likely the bloke will stay the night there.

I also think this probably happened :

I'm saying she picked him up on the way to the wedding, took his suit with her and ironed his shirt before she left.
I could see me doing that too, in those circumstances, but it would be for the benefit of the wedding couple, not for the selfish man.

I hope OP gives him a massive bollocking so that he never does the single guy thing again.

I hope she did take his suit, shredded to bits. Cheeky fucker. 😠

[girlmom21]

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce if that was me I wouldn't cause a scene. I'd say "no problem - I'll pack your clothes and take them to your moms. You can contact me to arrange when to see the kids."

[Girlmama]

@2mutsandsomebabies

I think the responses have become so hostile that there is no way OP can come back for the support she needs. Kick a woman while she's down!
Don't do it. You think you are so witty and sharp and will tell her how it is- she knows. Give her a break.

Absolutely this! OP needs support, not shitty comments and supposed jokes 😡

[1teaandchocolate]

Sorry I've just been trying to catch up on all of the messages!!

So DH came home at 9.30. Didn't really see why I always angry with him as he just stayed at his friends house. I told him I wasn't happy, he's using me as a doormat and this conversation will be continued. I will not have an argument with him when I'm sat on the living room floor playing with the kids.

I went to the wedding, purely for the bride and groom. Told him to make his own way there. I actually had an amazing time... saw an old friend with her kids. I did leave him there though. I told him this morning that I want him to go to his parents for a bit, he thought I was joking.

If I'm completely honest, i think he has an alcohol issue. And his friend apparently drinks more than him. DH is drinking more and more and it's not just a few cans of beer. When he is with his friend I think he knows he can just chill out and get wasted. Not that this is an excuse for him because it's probably a root of some issues.

I've finally told my mum what's gone on. She's angry, she's loves him but has told me to stop letting him get away with being a dickhead.

[Itsokay2020]

@1teaandchocolate you’ve taken control of your day, kudos to you. So glad you have told your mum too!

What you do next is so important - stay strong and don’t let him minimise this. Stay in control and put your happiness first, and that of your children.


Whatever the future holds, you are the creator!

[WickedWitchOfTheTrent]

I agree with your Mum

[billy1966]

Good for you OP.

Pack a bag, let him know he is not welcome and let his parents know that he is not welcome.

He thinks you are a doormat.

He wants to behave like a single man, let him.

One way or another his drinking is out of control and he is not behaving like a good husband or father.

An alcoholic is not what you want your precious children growing up around.

Well done for telling your mother, he does not deserve your loyalty, you need support, because he certainly isn't.

[catfunk]

Well done op.
I would just tell him calmly and firmly that you want to be married to a family man who prioritises his family. And if that's not him then fair enough - he can go and be single and fill his boots and you can move on.

[bluebeck]

So if he thinks you are joking does that mean he is coming home again tomorrow?

Or has he accepted he has to move out? Obviously it's up to him if he moves in with his parents, or more likely, in with his new best mate.

Stand firm!!

[Nsky]

Let’s hope he sees sense, staying at his parents

[Sapphire387]

Well done OP. Stay strong.

[trackerc]

You sound brighter & a little more switched on & great that you've got real life support. It makes it more real, but you are getting essential support. So, he did arrive home. You both went to the wedding today. You suggested he go to his parents.
Couple of queries from me. How did he get to the wedding? Since he was staying in the hotel after the wedding, what did he pack (for how long)? Where is he going to go tomorrow- his parents? What is his working situation?
How have you addressed that he hasn't dedicated any time to his 2 children in the last 3 months but coordinated events with drinking friends?
Just be careful in allowing the focus only to be on drinking, that's easy for it to be the red herring. Take care

[geojellyfish]

Good update 1tea. I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself at the wedding as it could have been pretty painful otherwise.

Let us know how everything goes this week. Stick to your guns here and actually use the time he is away to evaluate your marriage. You need to be clear about your expectations and red lines if you choose to remain with him. Otherwise, he'll view this break as just a performance that he has to follow before normal service can be resumed.

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

I've finally told my mum what's gone on. She's angry, she's loves him but has told me to stop letting him get away with being a dickhead.

Ffs it is always the womans fault, isnt it. He behaves like a dickhead because you let him? No! He behaves like a dickhead because he is a dickhead.

[Duchess379]

Well done OP, we're right here with you! He's either got to grow up & be a husband & dad or shove off & be a singleton alcoholic with his equally degenerate friend. 💕

[ChristmasPlanning]

Glad you have RL support in your DM

[Hollywolly1]

I think the best decision you made was to tell your mother

[Geppili]

It's the booze.

[Nondescriptname]

Well done tea.
Insist be goes to his parents for at least a bit. That'll mean they have to know the reason, which he'll be fine with won't he as he thinks he's done nothing wrong.
He needs to realise how he's failing as a dad and a husband.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Well done OP. You've taken control of it and also made it 'real' as you told your DM. And he will have to tell his parents. He knows he won't be able to continue acting like this if he wants you and DC as his family. The rest is up to him.

But I think you've kicked arse.