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AIBU?

To be annoyed at DH

255 replies

1teaandchocolate · 16/10/2021 21:15

On Friday morning, DH and his friend drove 4 hours down south for an event on the Saturday morning. He told me he would be back Saturday around 4. Fine by me.

He let me know when he was on his way back, told me roughly what time he would be at his friends (dropping him off). He rang me at 4.30 to tell me he was in a pub and would see me soon. DD (2) kept shouting daddy because she wanted to speak to him and I was trying to give DS (9months) his tea. He then rang back and told me he didn't know if he was going to come back. I then reminded him that he has a wife and 2 children at home and responsibilities. His friend is newly single and my DH seems to be enjoying being the 'wing man'.

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
We have a wedding tomorrow lunchtime, his friend lives over an hour away and the wedding is over an hour away from our house. He has also told me he is going to stay at the wedding for the evening do so I'll have to take the kids home on my own and put them to bed whilst he enjoys a free room in the hotel.

I don't mind him having fun and seeing friends, but Ive have barely had any family time with him since beginning of august. He keeps making plans with his single mate!

AIBU?! I'm so annoyed at him, i haven't even text him back. I actually have no idea where he is. I don't know if he even made it back to his friends. I know he's in the country because his passport is here 👍🏼

OP posts:

Report

MrsRobbieHart · 16/10/2021 21:57

He's not cheating. He's a drinker. He is quicker to check out a car than he is a female

You don’t take your wedding ring off to check out cars.

Biancadelrioisback · 16/10/2021 21:58

Also, is there any chance that this is just the booze talking and he wouldn't really stay at the hotel tomorrow?

WickedWitchOfTheTrent · 16/10/2021 21:59

I'd be expressing milk and he'd be looking after the kids and I'd have a night out and a night in a hotel. If he can't settle the kids then he'll have a bit of a nightmare of a night then won't he.

Oh and I also think he's cheating

Purplecatshopaholic · 16/10/2021 21:59

OMFG op! His behaviour is appalling, his disrespect of you is palpable. He took his wedding ring off?? You really need to get angry, and take action - please don’t let him treat you and your kids like this.

1teaandchocolate · 16/10/2021 22:03

That you all for the responses.. I have read every single one of them.

This behaviour is fairly new. I genuinely think his friend has a lot to do with it... DH parents hate this 'friend' and have said he's a homewrecker.

The wedding ring - he takes it off if he is in the gym, gardening or doing DIY (we're renovating our home) so I probably shouldn't have mentioned it as its not a massive shock to see him without it. It's usually put on as soon as he can.

I know he's not cheating, it's just not him. I trust him. I'm just so angry at him being disrespectful and thinking it's ok to do this.

The wedding is for his friends parents. I will barely know anyone. I just remember having 2 people not turn up to our wedding and finding it so disrespectful so I couldn't do it to the B&G but not going. It's not their fault my DH is an idiot.

OP posts:

WhoWearsShortShorts · 16/10/2021 22:03

I would be insisting he comes back with you after the wedding.

No way does he get to be so disrespectful and playing jack the lad

Livpool · 16/10/2021 22:03

I am VERY laidback but this is awful and YANBU! What an arsehole.

He definitely takes the kids back alone tomorrow and you stay over

Justmuddlingalong · 16/10/2021 22:07

It's him you're married to. You can't blame his pal for the way you're being treated. Your DH is treating you like shit, that's on him. Not his friend.

BrilloPaddy · 16/10/2021 22:08

In the kindest way, OP, he knows he can do this tonight and tomorrow because you'll let him.

You used the word doormat in jest, but that's what he's treating you as...........

Don't you deserve better?

Coronado2 · 16/10/2021 22:10

The thing is op, all this behaviour is new isn't it, so how do you really know cheating hasn't come along with it? You see on here all the time people finding out their partner chested on them and they never would have thought they ever would have. I'm not saying he is, just don't assume he isn't and ignore any signs.

Cherrysoup · 16/10/2021 22:14

He needs a reality check, it chat and a promise he won’t ever abandon you again, which is how I view it. He isn’t single, his mate is a knob by the sound of it. He needs to make a choice-his family or his shitty mate.

Sn0tnose · 16/10/2021 22:18

He’s spending no family time with you. He’s spending all his spare time being wingman for his single mate. He’s taken his wedding ring off and he’s turned his ‘find friends’ off. It’s not cars he’s checking out lovely.

He’s treating you with utter contempt and he’s got one foot outside the door. You can carry on like you are and his behaviour will get worse and worse until he’s rubbing your nose in it. And then he’ll bugger off with whichever woman who’s around at the time. Or you give him a short sharp shock now. He might decide it’s the excuse he was waiting for to leave, but ask yourself if that would be worse than how he’s treating you now.

In your shoes, I’d text ‘Joint custody of two young children and maintenance payments until they’re at least 18 is going to put a right dampener on your new social life so think very carefully about your next move because you are on your final warning. And if you do come home and think you’re going to be out partying tomorrow while I take your babies home to bed, you are living in an absolute fucking dreamworld’.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 16/10/2021 22:19

If I received this 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.' from my husband I think I would change the locks and ask for a divorce. Wtf is wrong with him?

Rangoon · 16/10/2021 22:20

The world is full of women who believed their husband would never cheat and found out differently. Your PIL call this friend a homewrecker - why is that?

0

Travis1 · 16/10/2021 22:20

If him taking the kids and you staying at the wedding isn’t an option then I would cancel the hotel room and make sure he comes home to look after the children with you.

Morechocmorechoc · 16/10/2021 22:21

Oh dear. Also with the best will in the world, out drunk with a home wrecker. He could end up being encouraged enough to cheat if he has drunk lots surely...I think 99pc of people can be sadly. Its often someone you woukdnt expect. So get him home away from this guy and he doesn't get to swan off like it again and stay away

Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce · 16/10/2021 22:21

I'd be packing up my kids and going to my parents for a couple of nights, and not telling him

I'd not go to the wedding and when asked why I'd tell everyone that your 'D'H is a selfish prick

CyclingIsNotOuting · 16/10/2021 22:27

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
Wow, so rude, I’d be fuming.
You are obviously not being unreasonable!!!

TimeForTeaAndG · 16/10/2021 22:27

Oh goodness, fake a migraine or stomach bug if you have to but there's no way I'd be making any effort for the wedding.

How dare he tell you not to be angry! Oh, ok, you'll just sit there like a plum while he goes off galavanting with a mate and decides not to bother coming home.

toocold54 · 16/10/2021 22:28

I would be insisting he comes back with you after the wedding.

I actually wouldn’t. I would let him make up his own mind and if he’d rather spend another night with his friends and not his family then I’d know where I stood and decide whether I want to be made a priority or not x

RobinsReliant · 16/10/2021 22:28

There’s what I would do and what I’m hindsight I would want to do.

Going for the latter. Say nothing. Go quiet. Make him wonder what you are thinking / doing. This is really important. He will expect a reaction from you. Do not give him what he expects. He is relying on you to be predictable. You can be as unpredictable as him.

Go to the wedding. Again, say nothing.

You are staying in the hotel tomorrow night while he takes the children home.

Thinking time. For both of you. But don’t be predictable. Respond differently to what he would expect and buy yourself thinking time.

sandragreen · 16/10/2021 22:28

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce

I'd be packing up my kids and going to my parents for a couple of nights, and not telling him

I'd not go to the wedding and when asked why I'd tell everyone that your 'D'H is a selfish prick

Me too.

It's clear what is wrong with him - he's a selfish wanker.

What OP needs to address is why on earth she would stay with him? Why is your bar so low OP?

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RobinsReliant · 16/10/2021 22:32

In reality I’d lose my shit by the way but that just fuels it.

Cool the situation right down. He won’t know what you are thinking. Take the control back.

TokyoTen · 16/10/2021 22:32

I'd say "no problem and I am not angry. But looking forward to the hotel room and child free night tomorrow x" and mean it.

jackstini · 16/10/2021 22:33

Don't be angry??
How dare he tell you how to feel!?

I would be like ice with him tomorrow and 100% I would be staying in the hotel room

I get you are bfing so baby can stay with you and he can sort the older one

He needs to be told very clearly this lack of respect and care will not be tolerated

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