To be annoyed at DH

[1teaandchocolate]

On Friday morning, DH and his friend drove 4 hours down south for an event on the Saturday morning. He told me he would be back Saturday around 4. Fine by me.

He let me know when he was on his way back, told me roughly what time he would be at his friends (dropping him off). He rang me at 4.30 to tell me he was in a pub and would see me soon. DD (2) kept shouting daddy because she wanted to speak to him and I was trying to give DS (9months) his tea. He then rang back and told me he didn't know if he was going to come back. I then reminded him that he has a wife and 2 children at home and responsibilities. His friend is newly single and my DH seems to be enjoying being the 'wing man'.

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
We have a wedding tomorrow lunchtime, his friend lives over an hour away and the wedding is over an hour away from our house. He has also told me he is going to stay at the wedding for the evening do so I'll have to take the kids home on my own and put them to bed whilst he enjoys a free room in the hotel.

I don't mind him having fun and seeing friends, but Ive have barely had any family time with him since beginning of august. He keeps making plans with his single mate!

AIBU?! I'm so annoyed at him, i haven't even text him back. I actually have no idea where he is. I don't know if he even made it back to his friends. I know he's in the country because his passport is here 👍🏼

[Jux]

I think you have absolutely done the right thing. Is he at his mum's? I hope he tells the truth to his parents about why he's there, rather than just painting you as totally unreasonable psychotic. Glad your mum's with you - you'd be shocked at how often that doesn't happen (my own mum let me down like that so I suffered years of meanness from dh until he finally grew up).

Hope things work out for you, good luck.

[trackerc]

Hope you're doing okay OP
Been thinking of you. Everything can feel difficult with DC to consider. I hope you're able to work through your family decisions, get real life support, consider & talk honestly about what you & the DC require. Scraps offered when you have youngster & a baby doesn't bode well for the future so be clear what it is or I'm fearful he'll consider 'a couple of nights at his parents & 2 Saturdays not going out' cuts it to keep you sweet.

[overnightangel]

Wonder what bullshit he’ll tell his parents as to why he’s been thrown out … if he actually goes to his parents, and not his mate’s.

Does he hold down a job?

[Sn0tnose]

Good for you. And really glad you’ve got some support irl too. I hope that this is the short, sharp shock he needs to figure out his priorities.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

What you do next is so important - stay strong and don’t let him minimise this. Stay in control and put your happiness first, and that of your children.

Great advice.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

Well done OP. You've taken control of it and also made it 'real' as you told your DM. And he will have to tell his parents. He knows he won't be able to continue acting like this if he wants you and DC as his family. The rest is up to him.

But I think you've kicked arse.

[Nondescriptname]

Well done tea.
Insist be goes to his parents for at least a bit. That'll mean they have to know the reason, which he'll be fine with won't he as he thinks he's done nothing wrong.
He needs to realise how he's failing as a dad and a husband.

[Geppili]

It's the booze.

[Hollywolly1]

I think the best decision you made was to tell your mother

[ChristmasPlanning]

Glad you have RL support in your DM

[Duchess379]

Well done OP, we're right here with you! He's either got to grow up & be a husband & dad or shove off & be a singleton alcoholic with his equally degenerate friend. 💕

[LorenzoVonMatterhorn]

I've finally told my mum what's gone on. She's angry, she's loves him but has told me to stop letting him get away with being a dickhead.

Ffs it is always the womans fault, isnt it. He behaves like a dickhead because you let him? No! He behaves like a dickhead because he is a dickhead.

[geojellyfish]

Good update 1tea. I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself at the wedding as it could have been pretty painful otherwise.

Let us know how everything goes this week. Stick to your guns here and actually use the time he is away to evaluate your marriage. You need to be clear about your expectations and red lines if you choose to remain with him. Otherwise, he'll view this break as just a performance that he has to follow before normal service can be resumed.

[trackerc]

You sound brighter & a little more switched on & great that you've got real life support. It makes it more real, but you are getting essential support. So, he did arrive home. You both went to the wedding today. You suggested he go to his parents.
Couple of queries from me. How did he get to the wedding? Since he was staying in the hotel after the wedding, what did he pack (for how long)? Where is he going to go tomorrow- his parents? What is his working situation?
How have you addressed that he hasn't dedicated any time to his 2 children in the last 3 months but coordinated events with drinking friends?
Just be careful in allowing the focus only to be on drinking, that's easy for it to be the red herring. Take care

[Sapphire387]

Well done OP. Stay strong.

[Nsky]

Let’s hope he sees sense, staying at his parents

[bluebeck]

So if he thinks you are joking does that mean he is coming home again tomorrow?

Or has he accepted he has to move out? Obviously it's up to him if he moves in with his parents, or more likely, in with his new best mate.

Stand firm!!

[catfunk]

Well done op.
I would just tell him calmly and firmly that you want to be married to a family man who prioritises his family. And if that's not him then fair enough - he can go and be single and fill his boots and you can move on.

[billy1966]

Good for you OP.

Pack a bag, let him know he is not welcome and let his parents know that he is not welcome.

He thinks you are a doormat.

He wants to behave like a single man, let him.

One way or another his drinking is out of control and he is not behaving like a good husband or father.

An alcoholic is not what you want your precious children growing up around.

Well done for telling your mother, he does not deserve your loyalty, you need support, because he certainly isn't.

[WickedWitchOfTheTrent]

I agree with your Mum

[Itsokay2020]

@1teaandchocolate you’ve taken control of your day, kudos to you. So glad you have told your mum too!

What you do next is so important - stay strong and don’t let him minimise this. Stay in control and put your happiness first, and that of your children.


Whatever the future holds, you are the creator!

[1teaandchocolate]

Sorry I've just been trying to catch up on all of the messages!!

So DH came home at 9.30. Didn't really see why I always angry with him as he just stayed at his friends house. I told him I wasn't happy, he's using me as a doormat and this conversation will be continued. I will not have an argument with him when I'm sat on the living room floor playing with the kids.

I went to the wedding, purely for the bride and groom. Told him to make his own way there. I actually had an amazing time... saw an old friend with her kids. I did leave him there though. I told him this morning that I want him to go to his parents for a bit, he thought I was joking.

If I'm completely honest, i think he has an alcohol issue. And his friend apparently drinks more than him. DH is drinking more and more and it's not just a few cans of beer. When he is with his friend I think he knows he can just chill out and get wasted. Not that this is an excuse for him because it's probably a root of some issues.

I've finally told my mum what's gone on. She's angry, she's loves him but has told me to stop letting him get away with being a dickhead.

[Girlmama]

@2mutsandsomebabies

I think the responses have become so hostile that there is no way OP can come back for the support she needs. Kick a woman while she's down!
Don't do it. You think you are so witty and sharp and will tell her how it is- she knows. Give her a break.

Absolutely this! OP needs support, not shitty comments and supposed jokes 😡

[girlmom21]

@Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce if that was me I wouldn't cause a scene. I'd say "no problem - I'll pack your clothes and take them to your moms. You can contact me to arrange when to see the kids."

[Duchess379]

@Nondescriptname

Of course they are at the wedding and it's very likely the bloke will stay the night there.

I also think this probably happened :

I'm saying she picked him up on the way to the wedding, took his suit with her and ironed his shirt before she left.
I could see me doing that too, in those circumstances, but it would be for the benefit of the wedding couple, not for the selfish man.

I hope OP gives him a massive bollocking so that he never does the single guy thing again.

I hope she did take his suit, shredded to bits. Cheeky fucker. 😠