To be annoyed at DH

[1teaandchocolate]

On Friday morning, DH and his friend drove 4 hours down south for an event on the Saturday morning. He told me he would be back Saturday around 4. Fine by me.

He let me know when he was on his way back, told me roughly what time he would be at his friends (dropping him off). He rang me at 4.30 to tell me he was in a pub and would see me soon. DD (2) kept shouting daddy because she wanted to speak to him and I was trying to give DS (9months) his tea. He then rang back and told me he didn't know if he was going to come back. I then reminded him that he has a wife and 2 children at home and responsibilities. His friend is newly single and my DH seems to be enjoying being the 'wing man'.

After I put the kids to bed, I get a text 'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
We have a wedding tomorrow lunchtime, his friend lives over an hour away and the wedding is over an hour away from our house. He has also told me he is going to stay at the wedding for the evening do so I'll have to take the kids home on my own and put them to bed whilst he enjoys a free room in the hotel.

I don't mind him having fun and seeing friends, but Ive have barely had any family time with him since beginning of august. He keeps making plans with his single mate!

AIBU?! I'm so annoyed at him, i haven't even text him back. I actually have no idea where he is. I don't know if he even made it back to his friends. I know he's in the country because his passport is here 👍🏼

[Tistheseason17]

WOW! Your DH is a selfish inconsiderable pig.
I wouldn't go to wedding. Take a break - otherwise you are his performing family.

[SezziBaybee]

@Shamoo

I can’t believe what I’m reading OP. Seriously! This is absolutely appalling behaviour.

I would put my children in the car right now, drive to my parents, message the bride and groom to apologise that I won’t be there, and the my phone off. And I wouldn’t go home until I had a grovelling grovelling apology. If I didn’t get the apology I would divorce him. Seriously. I’m not saying that because it’s easy to say to somebody on the internet when it’s not your real life. You simply cannot allow him to treat you like this and think that he will ever have any respect for you.

Every Shamoo says. He needs a wake up call OP xx

[SezziBaybee]

@chillied

Although, if I was you and didn't really know the people at the wedding very well, I'm not sure I'd put myself through all the stress of attending under these circumstances.

This too

[timeisnotaline]

@k1233

He seriously does not know how much trouble he is in.

This is where I think women go wrong. He's not a child to be in trouble. He is an adult and just as entitled to do as he wants as you are. I think the discussion needs to be that you're no longer on the same page. From your perspective his behaviour is unacceptable because ... You want ...... (Fill in the blanks)

Turning off the location tracker to me would be concerning. Why did he do that if it's normally on?

Don’t make it sound like they are equivalent decisions. Abandoning your wife and babies is shitty shitty behaviour.

[timeisnotaline]

I agree this is well beyond doghouse.

[lisaandalan]

I'd ring his parents and tell them exactly what's going on, it sounds to me like they'd be furious too. X

[Tallisimo]

OP, you have implied this has been going on since August - sounds to me like he has checked out of being a dad and abdicated responsibility.

I find his disrespectful attitude astonishing - he is not apologising for being flaky, or leaving you (yet again) to quite literally hold the baby. He is blithely presenting you with a ‘this is how it’s going to be’ scenario.

Time to say no. Time for a serious conversation.

[Merryoldgoat]

I'm angry at him and he won't be getting away with it

This thing is he has got away with it because he’s done it before with no significant consequences.

Essentially he’ll come home, you’ll have a difficult conversation and then it will happen again in a few months.

I’m not saying ltb - it’s never that straightforward but I think you need to decide what your expectations actually are and whether you have any red lines.

Otherwise there’s not much point getting really exercised by it all.

If you’re not going to leave him if he behaves like that then what’s the aim of any discussions? Realistic expectations? You being able to ‘veto’ some outings? Allowing a complete bender every two months?

What will make you happy?

I couldn’t live like that but if you want to stay with him then that’s the the stuff you need to decide.

The only other thing I’d say is I don’t know any man who stays out overnight unplanned who isn’t pissing about with other women, even if it’s not actual sex.

[Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername]

My DH had a "friend" that encouraged him to do shit like this. I'd be discouraging ur DHs friendship. So out of order

[Merryoldgoat]

Oh I also wouldn’t go to the wedding either. We put ourselves through so much shit that we think we have to.

Why would you go to something you know you won’t enjoy?

[Morgan12]

I'm calling it....he's having a few lines with his pal and got carried away. He's too far into it now to care about consequences.

[yacketyyak]

He is being an absolute wanker. You deserve way better.
I'd be really tempted to play him at his own game. Why don't you fuck off for a day or two and see how he likes it?!

[Cheeseontoastwithchopsauce]

Personally I'd pre empt it by bundling up my little ones and staying at your parents/siblings/good friends, probably scare the shit out of him to come home to an empty house
Play him at his own game
Turn off YOUR friend finder
Don't answer his calls
Come home when YOU feel like it
Leave your wedding ring next to his

[toocold54]

My DH had a "friend" that encouraged him to do shit like this. I'd be discouraging ur DHs friendship. So out of order

I completely disagree!
It’s not a friends fault, he is an adult that can make decisions for himself.
I feel that he will get off lightly as it’s ‘not his fault’ and he’ll blame it all on his friend.
Men like that always blame their actions on someone else.

[user1473878824]

@Justmuddlingalong

'I'm obviously not coming home. Don't be angry.'.
I'd take him at his word and look at separation.

Oh get a grip.

[geojellyfish]

Don't put yourself through the stress of attending the wedding with two young kids. They're tricky enough when both parents are doing their fair share to get them ready, entertain, feed and care for them. But sod you having to do it all and then drive them an hour home for bed while your husband enjoys his third consecutive night out.

Make alternative plans for the day with a good friend or close family. Ideally, leave before your husband gets home.

Message him at 10.30 or whatever time you'd need to leave for the wedding with "Obviously I'm not coming. Don't be angry". See how he likes being left in the lurch.

[NeonTetras]

@geojellyfish

Don't put yourself through the stress of attending the wedding with two young kids. They're tricky enough when both parents are doing their fair share to get them ready, entertain, feed and care for them. But sod you having to do it all and then drive them an hour home for bed while your husband enjoys his third consecutive night out.

Make alternative plans for the day with a good friend or close family. Ideally, leave before your husband gets home.

Message him at 10.30 or whatever time you'd need to leave for the wedding with "Obviously I'm not coming. Don't be angry". See how he likes being left in the lurch.

Message him at 10.30 or whatever time you'd need to leave for the wedding with "Obviously I'm not coming. Don't be angry". See how he likes being left in the lurch.

This! Best post on this thread! OP, please do this.

[Blue4YOU]

Yes just please please do as the last posters say. Leave in the morning.
Go to his parents/your parents and send him the same text right back at him

[Wegobshite]

Oh come on
He’s taken his ring off
He’s switched off location tracker on his phone
He’s told you he’s not coming home
FFS how much more obvious does it need to be that he’s shagging around or at the very least he’s hoping to
He’s pretty much printed it in capital letters for you to read

[AngelDelightUk]

I don’t think I’d be going to the wedding, not after all this

Hope you give him what for when he’s home

[ChopstickChips]

I know he's not cheating, it's just not him. I trust him

Literally every woman who’s been cheated on has said this before finding out they’re being cheated on.

[Namechangedforthethousandthtim]

I am furious on your behalf and I don't even know you.

I'm actually even a bit annoyed with my husband just IMAGINING that it was him who did this!

No advice really except maybe chuck him out for a while. Give him a good scare. Let him know it isn't acceptable. Send him to the wedding alone with the kids maybe? And tell him to drop them home and then go elsewhere. Sometimes men need a good scare to let them know your boundaries.

[FlowerArranger]

I hope you are not financially dependent on this man, @1teaandchocolate. And if you are, it might be a good idea to take steps to become financially independent.

Because I'd not feel confident this marriage is going to go the distance.

[Kuachui]

Love it when people say stuff like oh he won't cheat because he checks out cars more than woman.. He's married... To a woman which means at one point it wasn't a car he was checking out 😂😂😂

I've heard the oh he's not really a flirty person... And yet he has a woman.. So is quite capable of.. Meeting woman.

[Mamanyt]

I would be livid. It would be a "That's one. If there is a number 2, you won't need to worry about coming home except to collect your things."