AIBU?

[takenforgrantednana]

so i have put my foot down on the notice for babysitting the grand kids, but the sticking point has been i have said i require "at least 7 days notice" so lets be 100% clear on this ok, if i am asked to collect the kids on monday 1 nov and i require at least 7 days notice, when is the cut off for asking me about it?

i say its on the sunday but hubby refuses point blank to accept that and says im pedantic about it, my reasoning is that over time i know how this will be pushed and pushed until im being given 3 days notice if im lucky

Monday as there isn’t 2 Mondays in a week. Technically though if you wanted to push it would be any point before school pick up on the Tuesday

Do whatever suits you. If you don't want to do it just say no.

YABU just for treating your family like they have to specifically book in to see you.

I don’t think you really need a limit to being asked, but surely if they give you too short notice and you can’t do it they have to accept that.

It’s weird that you are holding family to such a rigid timescale.

sorry i should have made it absolutely clear, im asking you to state the date that would be the latest you would be asking on

It's up to you how much notice you require. If DH is happy with less notice then he can look after them.

Monday - a week (7 days) before I’d say.

@RunningFromInsanity

I don’t think you really need a limit to being asked, but surely if they give you too short notice and you can’t do it they have to accept that.

It’s weird that you are holding family to such a rigid timescale.

its not weird, it became the only thing i could do when i have been asked at 9 pm on a sunday to collect the kids on the monday! i have said the 7 days notice because no matter what the mum will push the boundaries, and at the end of the day i should be allowed to have a life of my own too, because i have been required to be waiting around to see if im needed or not and cant get involved in anything that resembles a life of my own, where as she has her work rota at least a week before and im the least important thing on her mind.

I expect to be asked as soon as the need is identified. After all, I might not be available.

Emergency cover is a different matter. I always help if I can regardless of the notice.

Are they able to arrange it over the phone or do they need to submit a written request, signed by a solicitor?

I totally get wanting a reasonable amount of notice, but whether it’s a week or 6 days is really pedantic and you’re being very weird. Either you’re free and happy to do it or you’re busy and/or don’t want to. It’s ok to say no.

@thistimelastweek

I expect to be asked as soon as the need is identified. After all, I might not be available.

Emergency cover is a different matter. I always help if I can regardless of the notice.

yes emergencies are a totally different thing, but remember i said AT LEAST 7 days notice so surely the cut off is the sunday 24th ?

OP, you should put a link to your previous thread. Good for you for standing your ground, Sunday should be the cut off.

It bloody is weird. Wouldn't bother me when I was asked. They could ask me on the Monday morning. If I could do it I would, if I couldn't I wouldn't.

I think you have to specify that. If you mean Sunday night then say that - “if you’d like me to care for dgcs on a Monday please let me know by 9pm the Sunday of the week before” for example. Then everyone’s clear

It sounds like you have obliged when you haven’t wanted to in the past and you’d like to put your foot down now; perhaps having a cut-off date isn’t going to be the best way to go about that though? Doing ‘computer says No’ because the parents request came in at 10pm or the Monday morning seems like it would cause more tension, not less. Could you instead practise saying a clear No when you do not want to look after them?

Or perhaps you could set up a recurring weekly phone call on say a Sunday evening where you talk through all the dates for the week after and agree them together?

Did you post about being used as a babysitter recently on here? If so, you need to link to the previous thread as you're more than reasonable to ask for 7 days notice under those circumstances. Without the detail though, it does come across as a little bit odd/off.

Just tell them when YOU want since you’re the one with the issue here. Personally I wouldn’t be asking you at all to look after the kids with such an attitude.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4359413-school-runs-babysitting-taken-for-granted?pg=1

OP's previous thread for context. She's NBU.

This is so weird. Obviously there's a back story, but if you don't want to do it, just don't. There's no need for this weirdness.

The Monday before would be the cut-off.

@Callybrid

I think you have to specify that. If you mean Sunday night then say that - “if you’d like me to care for dgcs on a Monday please let me know by 9pm the Sunday of the week before” for example. Then everyone’s clear

It sounds like you have obliged when you haven’t wanted to in the past and you’d like to put your foot down now; perhaps having a cut-off date isn’t going to be the best way to go about that though? Doing ‘computer says No’ because the parents request came in at 10pm or the Monday morning seems like it would cause more tension, not less. Could you instead practise saying a clear No when you do not want to look after them?

Or perhaps you could set up a recurring weekly phone call on say a Sunday evening where you talk through all the dates for the week after and agree them together?

its not a case of i dont want to spend time with the kids, but a case of the mother walking all over me time after time, putting me in the position far to often of having to change things around to suit her, simply because she cant plan a thing, ok yes im forcing her hand, the way i look at it is if i was a paid childminder and i had several ladies on my books needing my time and only had one slot available on the monday then its the first person to book me that gets that time, reasonable? so because im not being paid to look after the kids means shes ok to just spring things on me on the monday morning? when shes at work? and the kids dont have a clue who is collecting them from school, how can that be right for anyone?

If you are the grandmother who has posted before as you have had issue with your dd giving you little notice, then I'd just stop altogether and let her and her Dh sort alternative childcare.

If you are someone else then, imo, the previous Monday is 7 days notice.