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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be infuriated by worn out mum neighbour

214 replies

humanvulture · 14/10/2021 19:49

Driving a clapped out 17 year old Volkswagen polo with her three infant/ toddlers in tow ... all day long... while Dad drives a new huge BMW SUV x5 , 2 miles to work everyday and back because he has a BIG job.
Drives me nuts , yet not My business. Only that she is an SAHM and is perpetually exhausted and run ragged.

OP posts:
maddy68 · 16/10/2021 00:00

We have the opposite scenario. My husband refuses to get a new car because there is nothing wrong with his old banger. I have a very nice car. He just likes the fact that he doesn't worry about it at all.

Why are you so bothered about someone else's choices ?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 16/10/2021 01:23

Could be a company car and they can't afford a new one for her.

Could be she likes her car but says she doesn't as she feels judged to be driving it.

Could be anything OP.

I knew someone who drove a audi and would complain to anyone who'd listen about it. She basically complained about every little thing. Husband got her a new car, then she complained it was too advanced and she should have kept her old one.
You don't know what happens beyond closed doors. If you feel she's being abused or in danger then be there for her as a friend.
As others have said, having a better car doesn't make you less exhausted. If the car wasn't safe, it wouldn't pass the MOT.

Abi86 · 16/10/2021 02:38

@SallyWD

I was a SAHM for 7 years (my choice) and would much rather had had an old banger to drive around in. I would hate to drive some big fancy BMW. Firstly it's hard to park and manoeuvre, secondly I'd worry about damaging it or the kids making it filthy. Maybe they're both happy with the arrangement.
Did you actually read the OPs posts? It appears the SAHM in question is not happy with driving the old, small car. Further, it’s irrelevant that you’d rather drive an old shitbox.
Marvellousmadness · 16/10/2021 02:41

If she doesn't like it she should speak up. Easy as that really.
What use it is to complain about you to it.

Marvellousmadness · 16/10/2021 02:42

*What use is it to complain about it to you

Crikeycroc · 16/10/2021 02:46

If he’s willing to be this selfish publicly I dread to think what he’s like behind closed doors.

TirednWorried · 16/10/2021 05:25

How do i you know his employer does not give him a car allowance si he has a smart car to meet customers?

Gohardorgohome · 16/10/2021 06:45

He’s a BMW driver. ‘nuff said!

Treacletoots · 16/10/2021 08:35

I totally and utterly agree with you OP. This bullshit sexism and misogyny towards women will never change, particularly when women themselves don't recognise or challenge it.

Why does he get to drive around in a fancy BMW whilst his wife and kids drive a battered car. One likely that won't be anywhere near as safe, it's simply a fact. Safety standards 17 years ago are nowhere near where they are today.

Why don't they share the childcare? Why did she give up her career , all these are valid questions we should be asking ourselves. Why do women earn less than their partners in the first place so that it's seen as the obvious choice? And why is this still a thing in 2021?

I can't believe that do many women still think like this, and they simply accept it. Let's be realistic. 50% of marriages end in divorce. No matter how good your relationship, you can never 100% rely on another person, and we should be teaching our girls that they need to aspire to be as successful as their male peers. (Again boggling this needs to be said in 2021)

One look at the recent pandemic that saw many women struggling to hang on to their jobs during childcare closures because yet again, the burden of childcare fell on to them. Why? Why does society still expect men to be the higher earner and not take 50% of the responsibility for his own children.

I get you OP. If your neighbour has genuinely chosen to drive that car and doesn't care that her husband has a swanky new one then fine. But let's be realistic. Why didn't they simply share the budget for a car equally so they both get a nice car. Because he doesn't see her as an equal does he? That's the issue.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

safclass · 16/10/2021 08:40

Personally I'd prefer to be driving an old polo over a brand new BMW suv, as long as it was safe/reliable. Thankfully I have a husband who couldn't give a f*ck about having a 'status symbol' car (compensating for something??)

Reallyimeanreally2022 · 16/10/2021 08:51

I loved driving a shit heap with my children

Didn’t care where I parked
Didn’t care about vomit
Didn’t care about snacks
It was liberating

If the woman has an issue with this, rather than bitch to her neighbour, she should talk to her husband

Not once does the op say that the woman has said that her husband refuses to buy her a better car. Just that she’s exhausted (and a fancy car isn’t going to help with that. It would stress me out in fact.

Mollymoostoo · 16/10/2021 09:09

@humanvulture

I'm Not infuriated with her , I'm infuriated for her. She is an absolute walkover for him Generally anyway so this is just another thing..
This is victim blaming. She is not in a position of power, is exhausted and trusts you enough to talk you you about things. Be a neighbor, try to encourage and if you can't do this, mind your own business. There may be more going on than you know, there might not be, buy it isn't your life and blaming or feeling angry is not going to help.
MelKarnofskyCrane · 16/10/2021 09:12

We have a big car and a small, rather beaten up car. We don’t do the whole “my car/your car” thing, we both drive both cars.

I will usually choose the small car, to be honest. It’s about a million times easier to park.

Tangletester · 16/10/2021 09:17

It will probably be a company car, he will have chosen it though. Or he has a car allowance and bought it himself.

My husband has one of these cars, he loves it. I couldn’t care less about cars. Mine is old and small. But I also don’t need to worry if it gets scratched, which it did this week. I could buy myself a new car if I wanted, I just don’t want to.

On the other hand he could a complete dick.

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