Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be infuriated by worn out mum neighbour

214 replies

humanvulture · 14/10/2021 19:49

Driving a clapped out 17 year old Volkswagen polo with her three infant/ toddlers in tow ... all day long... while Dad drives a new huge BMW SUV x5 , 2 miles to work everyday and back because he has a BIG job.
Drives me nuts , yet not My business. Only that she is an SAHM and is perpetually exhausted and run ragged.

OP posts:
Aderyn21 · 15/10/2021 18:48

People post all sorts of things on here that involve other people though. It's not like she posted the woman's name.

Pinkallium · 15/10/2021 18:55

My friends DH drives a two seater sports car that he can’t even fit his kids into. He also insisted the kids went to the ‘better’ school in the next village rather than the local one with wraparound care. I do judge him for this.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2021 18:58

I share your concerns about this woman. Shes clearly not a priority for her horrible husband.

Can you make friends with her? Invite her in for a cuppa, and tell her to bring the kids. Get her talking.

1forAll74 · 15/10/2021 19:00

I had a series of crappy cars in the days when married, and late Husband had posher ones.. I quite enjoyed my crappy old bangers, with two children and dog, rumbling along.. I once had an old Renault, it was 25 years old, and I had it for 12 years, and it never once let me down, or refused to start.

mathanxiety · 15/10/2021 19:01

You should ask MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships.

You'll get fewer ignorant responses there.

It appears lots of people here don't know how abuse works in a relationship, how much child are coats, and why it might not be possible for her to simply get a job and buy herself a decent car.

lazyarse123 · 15/10/2021 19:02

Before my dh retired we had two cars. He drove the knackered cleo and I had the nearly new 2.2litre mondeo because his work was further away and he didn't want to put loads of miles on our newer car.
I still drive it more than him because I enjoy it.

Offmyfence · 15/10/2021 19:10

@mathanxiety

You should ask MNHQ to move this thread to Relationships.

You'll get fewer ignorant responses there.

It appears lots of people here don't know how abuse works in a relationship, how much child are coats, and why it might not be possible for her to simply get a job and buy herself a decent car.

If it was about OPs relationship maybe, but clearly people here don't understand they shouldn't post on public forums about their neighbours relationship!

It's really intrusive, especially as it's only for people to bitch about the neighbours DP. Nothing constructive is coming from this at all!

DDMAC · 15/10/2021 19:11

I had a similar old car up until a few years ago. Dh always had lovely company cars. I know people talked you could tell what they were thinking. It did bother me only because I once had a bad experience when I broke down years ago, I was in the countryside at midnight and a bunch of men pulled up in a car with not good intentions. For that reason I’m always nervous about something happening and would prefer something‘reliable’ doesn’t necessarily have to be brand new.
Anyway I took matters into my own hands when my mother left me enough for a good down payment when she passed, and I got a smaller new car.

I do have a friend though who always has a crappy car, her husband buys himself a new one every year. The exhaust fell off hers and she’s still driving it. She asked me once how much the children’s allowance is because he gets it paid into his account every month, she’s never seen a penny of it.

Offmyfence · 15/10/2021 19:11

@mathanxiety

I share your concerns about this woman. Shes clearly not a priority for her horrible husband.

Can you make friends with her? Invite her in for a cuppa, and tell her to bring the kids. Get her talking.

Read the OPs posts! It'll help you give helpful answers.

They apparently are friends, not just neighbours.... drip feed I know!

Offmyfence · 15/10/2021 19:12

@Aderyn21

People post all sorts of things on here that involve other people though. It's not like she posted the woman's name.
Would you be happy if your friend did this then? How would it constructively help you?
cherish123 · 15/10/2021 19:17

If I was working and my spouse was not, I'd expect to drive the better car. Maybe she doesn't want to drive the SUV. I also doubt she is run ragged. She doesn't work. Most people have to bring up kids AND work. I was non-working parent when DC were preschool and I don't think I was ever run ragged.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/10/2021 19:17

I don’t think yanbu OP!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 15/10/2021 19:17

I mean I do think yanbu

I don’t think yabu

Not even been drinking!

Palavah · 15/10/2021 19:19

@humanvulture

I know Because she whinges about the car. Thought this sexist bullshit was petering out a little.
Yet you're infuriated with her rather than him?
cherish123 · 15/10/2021 19:21

Is it sexist? I drive a better car than my DH because I chose that one and pay for it and he chose his and pays for it. Also mine is the family car. Mine SUV and his 3door run around.

tedsletterofthelaw · 15/10/2021 19:42

DH drives the nicer newer car to work as he has further to go and it's more fuel economic.

The new car is actually in my name and the older 'kiddie wagon' is in his but that's just the way it works out best.

Simple as that.

GatoradeMeBitch · 15/10/2021 20:01

How they divide up the family resources, transport and work outside the home is up to them surely. I guess if they wanted two high end cars she would get a job.

Because she's doing nothing, right? just dossing about at home with three children. I suppose she should be kissing his feet that she gets to drive any car at all...

crymeapuddle · 15/10/2021 20:04

I do think yanbu too

AlfonsoTheDinosaur · 15/10/2021 20:09

@SweeneyToddler

Why are you so invested in this couple?

It’s weird.

I agree. Very odd thread.
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 15/10/2021 20:14

You're far too overinvested in this. Worry about your own life. Is she being battered or abused? No. She's driving an old runaround. Really nothing to get worked up about.

BFCfairy · 15/10/2021 20:17

@humanvulture yanbu to have empathy for your friend and neighbour since she has told you this and you see her struggling. Esp when you compare it to her DH. It's pretty chappy for her and agree with the could upgrade and downgrade to make her life easier even if she doesn't want a big car there might be something more suitable than what she currently has.

Posters on aibu will rip all ops apart for the smallest of reasons or indeed interpretation of post

ellyeth · 15/10/2021 20:49

I don't suppose she's allowed to drive the company car (if it is a company car). Presumably they would insure it and she would have to be put on the insurance wouldn't she? (I'm not a driver so I've no idea). Also it might be quite nerve racking to be driving a brand new car.

I suppose with three little children she will be quite exhausted. Unless you know that her husband is a selfish so and so, you are rather jumping to conclusions.

SallyWD · 15/10/2021 21:32

I was a SAHM for 7 years (my choice) and would much rather had had an old banger to drive around in. I would hate to drive some big fancy BMW. Firstly it's hard to park and manoeuvre, secondly I'd worry about damaging it or the kids making it filthy. Maybe they're both happy with the arrangement.

exaltedwombat · 15/10/2021 22:55

Perhaps he cares (or his job cares) about having a prestige car, she just wants something that's easy to park and doesn't matter if it gets a scratch.

Skysblue · 15/10/2021 23:50

Kids do make such a mess of cars though 😬 mine is covered in mud and old socks etc. A polo is much easier to park than a big SUV too. If the polo is reliable (and VW usually are) then personally I’d prefer to take kids around in a polo and keep the new car looking new 🤷‍♀️