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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be infuriated by worn out mum neighbour

214 replies

humanvulture · 14/10/2021 19:49

Driving a clapped out 17 year old Volkswagen polo with her three infant/ toddlers in tow ... all day long... while Dad drives a new huge BMW SUV x5 , 2 miles to work everyday and back because he has a BIG job.
Drives me nuts , yet not My business. Only that she is an SAHM and is perpetually exhausted and run ragged.

OP posts:
fedup65356 · 14/10/2021 22:48

Reverse

DamnUserName21 · 14/10/2021 23:07

I get you, OP.
Makes you wonder what else she is financially 'jipped' on.

Original poster
humanvulture · 14/10/2021 23:08

That's exactly ly point @Abi86

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 14/10/2021 23:26

How they divide up the family resources, transport and work outside the home is up to them surely. I guess if they wanted two high end cars she would get a job.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 14/10/2021 23:37

Isn’t it up to the her to do something about it? You can’t (or shouldn’t) care more than her. If she doesn’t like the situation she needs to change it. That may be by getting a job outside the home, retraining or additional education, or leaving the marriage.

I am so perplexed by the weird thought process that is so prevalent in these threads. Women should be equal and they should command all of the equality, but it’s unfair when we don’t get it handed to us. And before anyone else says it “But it’s not that easy because of reasons. Of course it’s not easy but it is possible.

loveinthe90s · 15/10/2021 00:25

Welll colour me sceptical

SillyDoriswithaDangler · 15/10/2021 00:45

Surely any good parent would want their kids to be driven around in the safer car l, which in this case would be the BMW. He's a trash father.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 15/10/2021 04:33

DP gets excited when it's time to 'buy a new car' but it is a company car. You wouldn't know because he chooses the car he wants and picks it up from a local dealership, but it's paid for by his company. Could that be the case here?

Presumably that's the car they use on weekends and for long journeys, so may have chosen it with kids in mind - it's not like he bought a 2-seater.

Does his big job never involve longer car journeys to other sites and offices? It's hard to imagine a big job that requires you to be in one office all the time.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 15/10/2021 04:38

I also don't think a vw polo is unsuitable for driving three kids around. I drove one for awhile and got three kids in every day. It's also the top safety rating, I forget what it's called now, but it was one of my considerations when buying. 17 years is old though, admittedly. Do you think she's suggested changing it and he's said no? Or they may have a plan as a family - she's chosen to spend potential car money on something else, she's changing it next year when she goes back to work or something like that.

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 15/10/2021 04:40

You have no idea what their circumstances are.

My husband drives a much more expensive car than I do. I prefer my car because it's small and easy to drive the kids around. His is big and has high ground clearance which he needs to get in and out of his worksite (it's on a flood plain). Also, I couldn't give a fuck about cars. I'm happy to squash into something small because it's easier to park. I like older cars because if they break down you can pop the hood and have a go at sorting it yourself. Not everyone wants a big shiny new car.

It hadn't occurred to me that our neighbours might think he's a brute because he drives a nicer car than I do Grin

Bigeggsinapackoften · 15/10/2021 04:43

How can she not get 3 kids in a polo? Two in the back and one in the front with the airbag off if necessary?

My brother has a big car. His partner has a small car. He takes the big car because it’s part of his contract of employment that it’s available during working hours and anyone from his place of work can use it during that time.

He has a car allowance and “buys” the car.

I don’t get why his neighbours would care about that?

I drive an old car. I could afford a new one but mine goes and gets me from a to b. I’ll be keeping it til it’s uneconomic to repair.

TheOriginalEmu · 15/10/2021 04:51

@DuckonaBike

I’d be more disturbed that someone who lives only 2 miles from their work is driving in every day. Could you tell him about climate change, and suggest he walks or gets a bike?

If that doesn’t bother him you could warn him he might turn into a fat bastard.

Bold of you to assume that he can do either of those things.
TheOriginalEmu · 15/10/2021 04:54

@humanvulture

That's the thing ... his theee kids squashed into an old uncomfortable car with a stressed out mum
Why are they uncomfortable?! Until my current car (which is still 10 years old) I drive a 2003 fiat siecento, I have 3 kids and I was perfectly comfortable in it as were they. We even went camping in it!
miltonj · 15/10/2021 05:07

I wouldn't worry yourself about this one!

NumberTheory · 15/10/2021 05:15

TheOriginalEmu
DuckonaBike

I’d be more disturbed that someone who lives only 2 miles from their work is driving in every day. Could you tell him about climate change, and suggest he walks or gets a bike?

If that doesn’t bother him you could warn him he might turn into a fat bastard.

Bold of you to assume that he can do either of those things.

It's not that bold, given the vast majority of drivers can easily do these things and the comment is clearly one of solidarity with OP's outrage rather than an instruction to stand in the middle of the road with a burning cross and a sign denouncing the lack of physical exertion.

NumberTheory · 15/10/2021 05:18

@TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat

You have no idea what their circumstances are.

My husband drives a much more expensive car than I do. I prefer my car because it's small and easy to drive the kids around. His is big and has high ground clearance which he needs to get in and out of his worksite (it's on a flood plain). Also, I couldn't give a fuck about cars. I'm happy to squash into something small because it's easier to park. I like older cars because if they break down you can pop the hood and have a go at sorting it yourself. Not everyone wants a big shiny new car.

It hadn't occurred to me that our neighbours might think he's a brute because he drives a nicer car than I do Grin

OP does have an idea. She's said that the wife has talked to her and complained about it. If you complained to your neighbours it wouldn't be that surprising if they thought your DH was treating you badly would it?
Cissyandflora · 15/10/2021 05:18

I’ve got 6 children and no car at all. It’s all relative. And it’s never wise to get emotionally involved in the workings of other peoples micro cultures. Personally, I’d be thrilled with an old car.

stayathomer · 15/10/2021 05:47

Obviously I don't know full circumstances but OP there's people I meet who feel sorry for me because I'm always running about (I have 4 boys) and a lot of these people only meet me when I'm harried and perhaps having a gripe. It absolutely doesn't mean I'm miserable in any way, I'm blessed and adore my life. Similarly someone might hear me moan about my dh, that doesn't mean I don't adore him to the ends of the earth and he doesn't one hundred percent have my back. Sometimes people say things. Again if this is a reverse speak to your dh

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/10/2021 05:53

@StoneofDestiny

How they divide up the family resources, transport and work outside the home is up to them surely. I guess if they wanted two high end cars she would get a job.
Cos that’ll be easy seeing as he’s clearly so supportive 🙄
Sparklfairy · 15/10/2021 05:57

He has a show off wank mobile he can feel the Big Man in but hasn't thought about what's best for the family.

That said, I'm not sure I'd want three kids in a brand new car if I had the choice between that and the old one where it doesn't matter when the inevitable spills, dings, and sticky fingers happen. I imagine he would be even more unbearable as soon as it was marked or damaged by the kids in any way.

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 15/10/2021 06:05

@saltinesandcoffeecups

Isn’t it up to the her to do something about it? You can’t (or shouldn’t) care more than her. If she doesn’t like the situation she needs to change it. That may be by getting a job outside the home, retraining or additional education, or leaving the marriage.

I am so perplexed by the weird thought process that is so prevalent in these threads. Women should be equal and they should command all of the equality, but it’s unfair when we don’t get it handed to us. And before anyone else says it “But it’s not that easy because of reasons. Of course it’s not easy but it is possible.

I am so perplexed by the weird thought process that is so prevalent in these threads. Women should be equal and they should command all of the equality, but it’s unfair when we don’t get it handed to us.

Wow!

She has three small kids, is exhausted, frazzled but sure - she wants it all handed to her. Hmm

CanIPleaseHaveOne · 15/10/2021 06:06

OP - I get ya! I can be hard to watch. When she (finally) gets some rest and a minute to think he better watch out!

Pikamoo · 15/10/2021 06:09

My DH uses our nice car for work, I use the runaround. I prefer driving it as it's smaller so a better size for me (I find driving his car quite uncomfortable as it's designed for someone much taller). Also I don't worry if I ding it or if DD spills her drinks and food.

Joystir59 · 15/10/2021 06:17

I drive around in an 18 yr old Fiat Punto that's been dinked multiple times and has duct tape over a year in the bumper. Absolutely love driving it!

Nidan2Sandan · 15/10/2021 06:18

Oh shit OP, am I in trouble now?

SAHM for 10 years, I had the car & DH had to cycle everywhere. Now I work too but I have the lush SUV & DH the ancient car.

Does this make me a wanker, or does your rage only go one way?