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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back . DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:

Glitterybug · 14/10/2021 16:29

That's fucking awful. She is 5 for fucks sake. She didn't mean any harm.

dementedpixie · 14/10/2021 16:31

You are massively overreacting
I bet dd2 was finding it lots of fun

cliffdiver · 14/10/2021 16:31

I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

You need to apologise and give her a cuddle.

ComDummings · 14/10/2021 16:31

I get you’re upset but you left them together so the person you should be pissed off at is yourself. Your DD is 5, they do silly things.

NoKnit · 14/10/2021 16:32

Oh your poor 5 year old. Screaming at her? For goodness sake she was playing with her sister. You just need to show her what is right and not right

loveyours · 14/10/2021 16:33

I don't think it's awful that you shouted, I'd also be furious (due to worrying/shock). Totally understandable.

At least she won't do it again. Take the opportunity to explain calmly why it was bad to do that to baby.

DillyDilly · 14/10/2021 16:33

You go and apologise to your DD1 and explain you got a fright when you saw her lifting her sister and that babies are very fragile, etc. And show her how to play with her sister gently. Was the baby not strapped into the swing ? Obviously, don’t leave the two along together in a room for the next while.

I would imagine your baby is fine but if you have any doubts, seek medical advice.

Imposterish · 14/10/2021 16:33

What’s Happened is fairly awful. For your 5 year old. I have a distinct memory of being yanked and pulled and screamed at by my mother at that age.

SnackSizeRaisin · 14/10/2021 16:33

She's 5. It's your fault not your daughter's. Anyway the baby would be crying if it was too forceful.

FrownedUpon · 14/10/2021 16:33

Your poor 5 year old. Why did you scream at her?

Thesearmsofmine · 14/10/2021 16:34

You need to apologise to your five year old daughter.

SylvanasWindrunner · 14/10/2021 16:34

Please don't let the fact this baby is long awaited or a rainbow baby affect how you treat your first child

Clocktopus · 14/10/2021 16:34

So basically lifting her forwards by the arms and back again, kind of like an assisted sit-up?

Firstly, babies are fairly robust. If she seems well in herself, isn't fussing, isn't crying or seeming to be in pain, isn't overly sleepy/drowsy, etc then she's more than likely fine - obviously you know her best and you witnessed it so if you think she needs medical attention then definitely contact someone qualified.

Secondly, your DD1 isn't the first older sibling to do this and won't be the last. I once left then-3yo DS in the front room with few-weeks-old DD while I went to the loo and came back to find her on the sofa and him stuffed into her bouncer watching TV, he'd hefted her out and pinched her spot.

I'd have a chat with her, explain why you shouted (you got a fright basically), why she shouldn't play that game with the baby, and why she should always ask a grown up for help if she'd like to life the baby out of her seat for a cuddle or a play.

nokidshere · 14/10/2021 16:35

Your 5 yr old was playing. Give her a cuddle, apologise for shouting and explain calmly why she can't 'play' with her sister in that way.

It's your responsibility to keep your baby safe and to teach your older child.

And yes, you massively overreacted.

RobinPenguins · 14/10/2021 16:35

She’s 5! Maybe have a chat with her about being gentle with the baby, but it feels horrible reading you write that the new baby is your longed-for rainbow baby and that’s why you’ve told your older child you don’t want to see them.

CoalCraft · 14/10/2021 16:35

A 3 month old should not be left unattended with a 5 year old. This is your fuck up, OP, not your older child's, and then you fucked up again by massively overreacting and probably upsetting and scaring her.

We all screw up, though. Check your youngest over, then go and apologise to your oldest. Moving forward, don't leave the two together unsupervised until they're older.

Winniemarysarah · 14/10/2021 16:35

Op, you only punish a child when they are aware they’re being naughty and do it anyway. Your little girl was trying to play with her little sister, your reaction quite frankly sounds like abuse and far worse than what your little girl did. You should have pulled her to one side and calmly explained why she can’t play with the baby that way, and show her a more appropriate way. Instead you’ve blamed a small child for your complete like of supervision of a small child with a baby and probably frightened the life out of the pair of them with the way you reacted.

SillyLittleBiscuit · 14/10/2021 16:35

She "dropped" her from a seated position back down to a seated position in a swing? It can't have been from any height, you've mentioned slightly lifted. Have I got the wrong end of the stick here?

MrsRobbieHart · 14/10/2021 16:36

You told her you didn’t want to see her?

How about just explaining to her that baby’s have very fragile necks and heads and you have to be extremely gentle and should always ask mum/dad to come beside you if you want to lift her?

Wallabies232 · 14/10/2021 16:36

What do you do? You pop baby somewhere safe and go straight upstairs to give your 5yr old a massive hug, apologise for pulling her and shouting and explain that you were very scared. She was trying to play. It’s up to you to educate her on what type of play is appropriate.

MedusasBadHairDay · 14/10/2021 16:36

I'm a little confused, so was DD1 just attempting to bounce DD2 in her swing? She wasn't dropping her on the floor or attempting to hurt her, just trying to play - albeit in a clumsy/possibly too rough manner totally typical of 5 year olds.

If so then you did over react honestly, I'd go give DD1 a hug, say sorry, then explain that she needs to be more gentle.

HadaVerde · 14/10/2021 16:36

Calm yourself down then give her a cuddle and apologise for shouting and what you said. explain that she mustn’t do that again.

You’re possibly a bit annoyed at yourself hence the overreaction.

Winniemarysarah · 14/10/2021 16:36

LACK of supervision..

Maireas · 14/10/2021 16:37

@CoalCraft

We all screw up, though. Check your youngest over, then go and apologise to your oldest. Moving forward, don't leave the two together unsupervised until they're older.

I was going to say exactly this.

londonrach · 14/10/2021 16:37

Firstly you cuddly you five year old and say sorry and that sometimes mummy makes mistake....then you pour yourself a glass of wine and try and relax. Maybe show your five year old how to play with your baby. You tried, you a new baby and you over reacted.

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