5yr old dropped baby

[MrsMummyMouse]

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back . DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

Well the point in different people giving their opinions is to bring the message home that it really isn’t on to react that way to a child! There are quite a few messages dismissing the whole thing and saying it is completely normal, which it isn’t. These posters also focus on the “spur of the moment” thing which does happen to everyone but this is not the case. Leaving baby unsupervised with toddler - - not really OK. Spur of the moment shout because you’re frightened - can happen. Shout that you don’t want to see your five year old? Not OK. Send her up to bedroom when she didn’t do anything wrong? Not OK. Posting on Mumsnet asking on how to deal with five year old? Well this is not a spur of the moment thing is it, it just shows an awful lack of awareness and makes you wonder what other treatment the five year old is given.
OP had an abusive father which is a horrible shame and I do feel for her. It is well known that growing up with abusive parents puts you at higher risk of being an abusive parent, therefore you’re not doing any favours by minimising the OPs behaviour. It’s all very difficult but this could be a watershed moment in OPs life but it doesn’t sound like she will actually take it onboard after doing the right noises for a bit. To everyone minimising this, would you like your own kids to be treated like this? Or nieces or nephews? Of course you wouldn’t and wouldn’t make these silly excuses for what is not at all a “spur of the moment”,”no one is a perfect parent” thing.

@Pancakeorcrepe there is a huge difference IMO in not minimising behaviour, and in making nasty shitty comments that will only make OP feel shame and not actually help her be a better parent.

Also, there are hundreds of parents on here recommending way more damaging parenting techniques than what OP has done - and these are people offering ADVICE!

@LittleMG

I think your 5 year old should have known not to lift up the baby on their own.

How many 5 year olds know anything whatsoever about precautions to be taken around babies?

@2two so you wouldn't tell the older sibling of a baby to be careful and gentle around them, not pick them up without asking?

[quote nanbread]@2two so you wouldn't tell the older sibling of a baby to be careful and gentle around them, not pick them up without asking?[/quote]
Exactly lol not really rocket science. All the parents in my family always explained what we should/shouldn't do around a baby. We were young but always knew we had to be careful around the baby and not do things like pick them up by ourselves.

I'm sure the OP would have reiterated this many times to her 5 year old

Yes I think we don't give children half enough credit for what they know they should and shouldn't do.

Now, having the self control / motivation NOT to do those things might mean they cannot always do what they should, but they know.

Yes I agree with you 100%. Unfortunately sometimes accidents do happen because the little ones can't resist the urge to play with baby etc but most have been made aware of how to be careful around them

[quote nanbread]@2two so you wouldn't tell the older sibling of a baby to be careful and gentle around them, not pick them up without asking?[/quote]
What a bizarre deduction.