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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back . DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:

MistyFrequencies · 14/10/2021 16:49

There's an uncomfortable undertone to this that sounds like your 3 month old is more important/cherished than your 5 year old. I feel quite sad for your 5 year old.

Fallagain · 14/10/2021 16:49

Check over the baby. Go to DD1 and apologise for your behaviour. Then talk to her about how dangerous the it is and how she shouldn’t pick of the baby by herself.

Goldbar · 14/10/2021 16:49

I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room.

I'm really hoping this is made up. Poor child .

Rosebel · 14/10/2021 16:49

I understand that DD2 is your rainbow baby but how do you think DD1 feels if you fuss over her sister but tell her you don't want to see her.
I'm sorry OP but your 5 year old must be in bits. For 5 years she's been your only child, she tries to do something nice (playing with her sister) and you have a massive go at her and say you don't want to see her.
You need to apologise to your daughter and give her a cuddle. Don't leave them alone and show her by example how to treat her sister.
Your eldest probably feels pushed out already don't make it worse for her.

AllieTM · 14/10/2021 16:49

YABU.

This is entirely your fault for leaving a 3 month old with a 5 year old, unsupervised.

It sounds like your 5 year old was just playing with the baby. How would she know what is appropriate play?

You owe your 5 year old a huge apology and you need to check yourself before you cause her a huge amount of harm.

EnidFrighten · 14/10/2021 16:49

Our health visitor told me my toddler was the greatest risk to our baby, and she was right. Don't leave them alone together. Your 5yo is not responsible for keeping the baby safe, you are.

You need to teach your 5yo how to behave around the baby, don't be too defensive or she'll be more jealous of the baby.

Therealjudgejudy · 14/10/2021 16:49

Maybe learn how to parent your children properly 🤔. You are the adult here.

Dixiechickonhols · 14/10/2021 16:50

She was playing with her not dropping her on floor? If baby was hurt she’s have cried. Apologise to DD. In future just keep closer watch. If you’ve been praising DD for helping with baby then make sure she knows adult needs to help too.

Yogawankonobi · 14/10/2021 16:50

Was the baby crying?

You are the adult and you should be supervising. Your 5 year old is not at fault, you are. You should apologise to your daughter.

Fallagain · 14/10/2021 16:50

Just seen your update. It’s not unusual for you to over react in that situation. I truly believe it good for children to see you make mistakes and deal with the mistake in a positive way.

FFSFFSFFS · 14/10/2021 16:50

You should be furious at yourself for your own poor parenting. Your poor daughters.

Toottooot · 14/10/2021 16:52

Fair play for you coming back to admit you overreacted - very few do.

KurtWilde · 14/10/2021 16:52

Also my DS is a rainbow baby, but that doesn't make him more precious than my DDs.

Your tone when describing your DDs isn't great OP.

EerieSilence · 14/10/2021 16:52

I feel sorry for your 5y old. Looks like she gets to feel that she's not equal in your eyes to her younger sister.
Your children and their safety are your responsibility. Btw, fuck ups happen but that was not a 5y old's fuck up. It was yours.

MichelleScarn · 14/10/2021 16:52

was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room.

I missed the fact you "pulled her to the stairs' how roughly did you do this? It's worse than I thought. Poor child.

ittakes2 · 14/10/2021 16:54

I am sorry but you are being unreasonable - both because you have left such a young baby in a swing with a 5 year old but also because children play by imitating. dd1 prob has lovely memories of you pushing her on a swing and was just trying to be thoughtful to her sister. It frightens me you think a 5 year old is advanced enough to know how to keep a 3 month old baby safe. A baby is like a moving doll to them.

Boomshakalakaaaaa · 14/10/2021 16:54

It worries me that you think your 5 year old can assess risk better than you can (don't play with the little baby vs don't leave small child alone with baby)

DillyDilly · 14/10/2021 16:54

Your reply is nearly worse than your first post,- so you’re going to ‘see to your DD1 now’ - does this mean she’s been on her own for the last half hour/since the incident happened.

Surely if your baby was strapped properly into the swing she couldn’t have been lifted up?

HowardNoir · 14/10/2021 16:54

I really hope this is a troll thread. Do you always show clear favouritism to your youngest daughter? Perhaps you should reconsider how you parent if your first instinct is to scream at and blame a 5 year old after you left her alone with a baby. In no circumstance is that appropriate.

Lostmyway86 · 14/10/2021 16:55

I can't leave my 8 year old SD with my 11 month old DD as I couldn't trust what would happen, she still sees her as a doll. My 10 year old SD can be left with her but if anything were to go wrong the blame would be on me as the adult not the 10 year old child. Sadly, you need to supervise constantly and have the baby in with you. It will be a long time before they can safely be left alone OP...

KurtWilde · 14/10/2021 16:55

Teaching your DD1 how to play safely with her baby sister would be way more useful than screaming at her and dragging her away.

She's 5 ffs. This has really unsettled me.

Loopyluce88 · 14/10/2021 16:56

@Goldbar

I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room.

I'm really hoping this is made up. Poor child .

Yeah this stuck out for me, too.

Not that I want you to feel worse, OP, we all make mistakes, but be careful what you say to your older DD. She will remember and it will shape her self-esteem and her relationship with you. It’s not too late to change things - best to be aware of it now.

It’s tough to keep your cool when you have a tiny baby. But this wasn’t your DD’s fault, she is too young to be left alone with the baby.

MedusasBadHairDay · 14/10/2021 16:56

@MrsMummyMouse

Ok, I’ve overreacted. Fuck! Thanks for setting me straight. I will see to DD1 now and apologise.

Just to settle for those that asked. DD1 had her arms behind DD2 back and she was lifted up from her swing, then DD1 moved her arms so DD1 fell back into the swing. Not too high up/down but still she’s a baby and I panicked

Good to hear this. DD1 just needs a little more guidance on ways to play safely, its a good sign that she wants to play with her new sister, so I'd encourage it.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 14/10/2021 16:56

You need to deal with yourself tbh, not with your poor 5 year old.

It’s not your young child’s fault that you weren’t watching them closely enough - she’ll have had no idea that she was doing anything wrong.

I understand why you overreacted and I’m not trying to make you feel bad because I know it must be hard not to be overly anxious and protective over the little one. I’m glad to see you’ve accepted that you reacted in a bad way and that you’re going to apologise. Children need supervision precisely because they’re not adults - they don’t automatically know how to behave carefully and what is or isn’t potentially dangerous.

MissChanandlerBong81 · 14/10/2021 16:57

Sorry if I’m being slow but when you say swing what do you mean? I’m assuming it’s like a padded baby bouncer or rocker that the baby reclines in not an actual swing?

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