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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back . DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:

FuckingFabulous · 14/10/2021 17:09

You need to remember that DD1 is also a baby in many ways and you need to bloody well apologise to that little girl and sort your attitude out toward her. Why were YOU leaving a 5 year old to supervise a 3 month old? You're mad at your daughter but you should be cross with yourself for thinking a 5 year old would have better sense. She is FIVE.

Haveyoubrushedyourteethtoday · 14/10/2021 17:10

Buy a play pen and out the baby in that for the times when you have to leave them unattended. Which you will have to do from time to time.

Original poster

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 17:10

DD2 is not favoured, I was just trying to explain that we struggled to have a second child and was trying to express it in few words to get to the point.

I had an abusive dad and genuinely thought I was a good mum until reading some of these replies. I honestly do want to be the best for my kids

OP posts:

EmergencyHydrangea · 14/10/2021 17:11

@Ricekake

I wonder who your favourite child is?

Exactly my thought

PerfectPrepPrincess · 14/10/2021 17:11

First time on a parenting thread... But diagram @MrsMummyMouse do I can see the distance of the drop?

If you're worried about shaken baby syndrome then something like this won't cause it. If baby wasn't crying then no harm done.
Swings are soft seats and move so impact would have been minimal.
But I can see why you panicked but your reaction wasn't appropriate and you should work on keeping your head cool.

Extra special time with DD 1 to make here feel she's your best big girl again Xx

Peanutsandchilli · 14/10/2021 17:11

Bloody hell, your poor 5 year old. My 9 year old once tripped over whilst carrying my 4 week old 6lb baby and dropped her on concrete. Fortunately it was July (and therefore fucking freezing) so she was wrapped up well and absolutely fine. It would never have occurred to me to scream at my older child (and yes, my baby was also a 'precious rainbow baby' ) because there was no malice in her actions.

You need to explain to your 5 year old that she needs to be gentle, and apologise to her.

whyamidoingthisamimad · 14/10/2021 17:12

But it's not your DD's fault you struggled to have another baby. Shes your first baby and shouldn't be made to feel bad

Rheia1983 · 14/10/2021 17:12

I find your actions massively unreasonable and bordering on abuse.

You left the children alone, so anything that could have happened is on you. A five year old is a child who has little to no capacity to judge risk or carry responsibility for her actions.

That you do not seem to realise this and are capable of screaming at your 5 year old child and telling her to get out of your sight makes me feel worried for the wellbeing of the children in general.

Original poster

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 17:12

Shit, I’m now panicking that I might be just like him. How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

OP posts:

lynntheyresexpeople · 14/10/2021 17:13

@MrsMummyMouse

DD2 is not favoured, I was just trying to explain that we struggled to have a second child and was trying to express it in few words to get to the point.

I had an abusive dad and genuinely thought I was a good mum until reading some of these replies. I honestly do want to be the best for my kids

It's not your older child's issue that you struggled to have another, you did and you're very lucky. If you had an abusive dad, you should know the effect words can have on a child, and should know better to be honest. I think you need to address your temper.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 14/10/2021 17:14

Long awaited rainbow baby?! Yup definitely sounds like you think baby is more important than your easy to conceive 5 year old. This will cause your child harbour resentment eventually.

Leaving a 3 month old with a 5 year old unsupervised is irresponsible. You need to apologise.

Derbee · 14/10/2021 17:14

Jesus, I hope you’ve apologised to that poor little girl. Your issues conceiving your DD2 seem to have made you place much more importance on her than your DD1. This all smacks of favouritism. Try and rectify your behaviour before you damage your daughter, and drive a wedge between them.

Also, how about supervising your children rather than just coming back in to shout every now and again?

megletthesecond · 14/10/2021 17:15

Pop the baby in the play pen if you have to leave them. I used one to keep mine apart.
You over reacted, as many people do every so often. Just make sure you apologise and give big hugs to your eldest.

Fallagain · 14/10/2021 17:15

@MrsMummyMouse

Shit, I’m now panicking that I might be just like him. How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

The books ‘The book you wished your parents had read’ and ‘How to talk to little children’ are really good. If you have issues to work through about your own childhood then it maybe worth speaking to a counsellor.

Derbee · 14/10/2021 17:16

How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

An easy start would be treating BOTH of your children with respect.
A second would be to treat BOTH of your children equally, not devalue the one who was easiest to conceive.

EishetChayil · 14/10/2021 17:17

Your poor dd1. I actually have tears in my eyes reading that!

Please don't yell at her.

Ricekake · 14/10/2021 17:17

@MrsMummyMouse

Shit, I’m now panicking that I might be just like him. How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

Not to do this for starters:

i screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room

Thats not appropriate behaviour full stop, let alone when she hasn't done anything wrong. Imagine being 5, playing with your new sibling, and your mum comes in shouting and physically drags you away and says she doesn't want to see you. It's horrendous, when you see red mist descending you really need a better coping mechanism than to do that to a young child.

lescompagnonsdeloue · 14/10/2021 17:17

@MrsMummyMouse

Shit, I’m now panicking that I might be just like him. How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

No. Calm down. You freaked out because you were scared, but nothing unfixable has happened. You need to go and have a chat to your daughter, and reassure her. You have a fragile three month old, and you are probably sleep deprived and all, this doesn't mean you are a bad parent, it means you had a brief lapse. The fact that you are questioning your parenting is really good, I bet your dad never even thought about if he was a good parent, and if he did probably decided that he was. Because you are thinking about it, you won't make the same mistakes. Don't be too hard on yourself, you can explain to your five year old that you were scared.

Loopyluce88 · 14/10/2021 17:17

@MrsMummyMouse

Shit, I’m now panicking that I might be just like him. How do I do better and get it to come naturally??

I would really recommend the book “How to talk so little kids will listen” and “the book you wish your parents had read”.

Nondescriptname · 14/10/2021 17:18

Take more care of DD2.

A 5-year old can't understand the care needed for a baby - you have to do it for her by not leaving them alone together.

EsmeeMerlin · 14/10/2021 17:18

Look you panicked and snapped without thinking in the heat of the moment. It’s not your finest parenting moment no doubt about it but there is no need to beat yourself with a stick thinking it makes you like your dad. Just apologise to your daughter, explain why you shouted and that babies are fragile and just make sure baby is either strapped into her swing so she can’t be picked up by older sister or keep her with you. We all make mistakes.

PumpkinPie2016 · 14/10/2021 17:18

The way you have treated your 5 year old is, frankly, appalling. Poor little girl, she is only 5 and was playing with her sister. Screaming at her, yanking her and telling her you don't want to see her is awful and sounds abusive.

I doubt she was lifting her in the air and dropping her. Sounds like she was lifting her to a more seated position and then letting her go.

You should be supervising your very young children

You are going the right way to make DD1 feel very resentful and less favoured than her sister.

Loopyluce88 · 14/10/2021 17:18

Crossed posts with you and just recommended the same books!

They are great

Innocenta · 14/10/2021 17:19

Treating your older child like crap because you now have a "rainbow baby" (in whom you're clearly more interested) is absolutely inexcusable.

I feel very sorry for DD1.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/10/2021 17:19

You screamed at a 5-year old?

Shame on you.

Teach her gently why this is not a good idea. And do not leave them unsupervised again.

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