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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5yr old dropped baby

333 replies

MrsMummyMouse · 14/10/2021 16:27

Not really an AIBU but I am fuming and need help/calming down before I act (again)….but feel free to tell me if you think IABU if you so wish.

I was washing up in the kitchen while DD2 (3months) in her swing & DD1 (5) in the front room right opposite. I hear DD1 a couple of times say “and back down”, assuming she means the swing I pop my head back expecting to see them ‘playing’ as usual except I see DD2 slightly lifted by DD1 arms which she quickly removes sending DD2 flying back down in her swing. This is obviously what she was doing with the “and down again”, lifting her up and dropping her down!! I was so shocked/mad I screamed at DD1 and pulled her away to the stairs and told her I didn’t want to see her and she should go to her room. DD2 seems ok but god knows how many times she was dropped back Sad. DD2 is our long tried for/awaited rainbow baby so maybe I was too much and overreacted? I’m not sure though so need to know how I deal with DD1 now?

OP posts:
TheAverageUser · 14/10/2021 16:58

When I over react Ill go and alologise to my son and explain that anger got the better of me and I shouted and shouldn't have done. Then we do breathing exercises together so he can see how to calm down Grin We're human but maybe also show her how to play with baby because she might be frightened now to go near them?

BakedTattie · 14/10/2021 16:58

Your poor 5 year old.

You really need to control your temper

lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2021 16:59

This has really boiled my piss.
You left a FIVE year old alone with a baby, who’s by the sounds of things tried to play with/entertain her. No one really got hurt and yet you told her that you don’t want to see her?!
Jesus Christ.
Honestly im no soft touch by any means but this is fucking awful.

RobertsRadio · 14/10/2021 16:59

You don't need to apologise to your 5 yr old, but you do need to sit down calmly with her and explain why you shouted, why you were frightened at what she was doing and why she she should never do this again. In future you now know you can never leave the two of them alone again.

dementedpixie · 14/10/2021 16:59

You get baby swings @MissChanandlerBong81

2Two · 14/10/2021 17:00

I can't see how the baby was dropped? She seems to have been picked up a bit by her arms and then allowed to drop back down again on to her padded behind. I doubt that a 5 year old was able to lift her by more than a couple of inches. You don't mention that the baby was distressed, so I assume she wasn't?

PjsOn · 14/10/2021 17:00

My eldest and youngest are the same age, I've said a couple of times she's not to pick him up (when I've caught her trying - literally back turned a second!!!) no harm done. Even if she'd have picked him up and dropped him I wouldn't have lost my temper like you did, I'd probably be more annoyed at myself for leaving the 5 year old alone long enough to drop them. No idea what the rainbow thing has to do with anything, it doesn't make your second child more special than the first so stop with that.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/10/2021 17:00

You shouldn't leave an infant unsupervised with a 5 year old. This is on you, not your child.

lastqueenofscotland · 14/10/2021 17:01

@PjsOn

My eldest and youngest are the same age, I've said a couple of times she's not to pick him up (when I've caught her trying - literally back turned a second!!!) no harm done. Even if she'd have picked him up and dropped him I wouldn't have lost my temper like you did, I'd probably be more annoyed at myself for leaving the 5 year old alone long enough to drop them. No idea what the rainbow thing has to do with anything, it doesn't make your second child more special than the first so stop with that.
Yep agree with this. The whole tone of the post reeks of favouritism.
Hardybloodyhar · 14/10/2021 17:01

Both my DSis and DD (20 years apart) were catapulted face-first out of old fashioned baby bouncers by their older brothers.
There is a reason PSB ( precious second born) is not really a thing
Both are fine now and both are very close with their siblings.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 14/10/2021 17:01

@RobertsRadio

You don't need to apologise to your 5 yr old, but you do need to sit down calmly with her and explain why you shouted, why you were frightened at what she was doing and why she she should never do this again. In future you now know you can never leave the two of them alone again.
OP absolutely does need to apologise to her daughter who’d done nothing wrong for shouting at her, pulling her away and saying she didn’t want to see her.
crazyguineapiglady · 14/10/2021 17:01

You're cross with yourself for leaving the baby unattended and you've taken it out on your 5 year old.

If they baby wasn't complaining, I'm sure she is fine.

Give your 5 year old a cuddle and apologise to her. She was just playing with her sibling.

2Two · 14/10/2021 17:02

@RobertsRadio

You don't need to apologise to your 5 yr old, but you do need to sit down calmly with her and explain why you shouted, why you were frightened at what she was doing and why she she should never do this again. In future you now know you can never leave the two of them alone again.
Yes, OP does need to apologise. She physically pulled the 5 year old away, screamed at her and told her she didn't want to see her - all for innocently trying to play with her baby sister. Absolutely she needs to apologise for that.
Ricekake · 14/10/2021 17:02

I wonder who your favourite child is?

Jasmine11 · 14/10/2021 17:02

Glad you have realised you have over reacted. I would stop with the ridiculous ’rainbow baby’ rhetoric too - your poor 5 year old is going to start to feel very inferior and I’m saying this as someone who has experienced losses. No child is more precious than another.

TheWoleb · 14/10/2021 17:02

For fuck sake, OP. What were you thinking?

You dont leave a tiny baby unattended in a room with an older child, who isnt old enough to know the dangers.

She has only been a big sister for a few months. How the hell is she supposed to know what's OK and what isnt? Have you taught her? Have you shown her? And have you then stayed in the room with her and watched while they interact so you can correct her/help her learn?

And your reaction here... well, let's not say to much more about how you treated your 5 year old because I'd probably get banned.

iwannabelikeyouhoohoo · 14/10/2021 17:03

I’m glad you realised you overreacted but holy shit, you also need to know that it was yourself you should have been angry with, not your poor older DD. I have a similar gap to you and DS was never left alone with DD until I knew he knew what was appropriate behaviour. I’m shocked you weren’t keeping a closer eye and that your initial reaction was so extreme.

ApprenticeCatSlave · 14/10/2021 17:03

Our health visitor told me my toddler was the greatest risk to our baby, and she was right. Don't leave them alone together. Your 5yo is not responsible for keeping the baby safe, you are.

This - pfb was a velcro baby so I was well trained but I had three close toegther who never got left unsupervised - yes it was hard - didn't pee for years by myself - but making sure they had eyes on them or were in safe place like cot or playpen was my responsiblity.

So give 5 year old a cuddle and explain why/how it wasn't a good idea for baby to be handled like that and do better tommorow.

I do demeber that our older children looked huge compared to new baby eachtime - but they were still really young - and frankly with supervsion could be very helpful and have grown up with great sibling relationships.

2lsinllama · 14/10/2021 17:05

@MistyFrequencies

There's an uncomfortable undertone to this that sounds like your 3 month old is more important/cherished than your 5 year old. I feel quite sad for your 5 year old.
This. I hope you never make DD1 feel that this is the case. I’m sure she didn’t mean any harm.
Osrie · 14/10/2021 17:05

@SylvanasWindrunner

Please don't let the fact this baby is long awaited or a rainbow baby affect how you treat your first child Sad
I’m in shock and I wasn’t ever there! Tell your dear little daughter you overreacted and how desperately sorry you are!
Cactus1982 · 14/10/2021 17:06

WTF is a rainbow baby?!

No prizes for guessing who the favoured child is. Your poor five year old!

lynntheyresexpeople · 14/10/2021 17:06

It's very clear to your oldest that your long awaited rainbow baby is more important.
How violently did you drag her to the stairs?? You screamed at your child because you failed to supervise them, this is all on you. You need to show some serious fuss and attention to your eldest to reassure her you love her just as much as your baby, because she sure as hell doesn't feel that way right now. Never tell her you don't want to see her again - the whole thing is awful op. I'm aware you owned it and came back, but honestly, this is shocking. I hope you can see it's not as minor an incident on your part as you seem to think. If my DH had done this to one of my children, I'd divorce him.

LaetitiaASD · 14/10/2021 17:06

@loveyours

I don't think it's awful that you shouted, I'd also be furious (due to worrying/shock). Totally understandable.

At least she won't do it again. Take the opportunity to explain calmly why it was bad to do that to baby.

Was shouting the best thing to do? Almost certainly not!

Is it easy to overreact when you're shocked and concerned for a loved one, not least a baby? Of course!

Should OP be beating herself up over it? No no no!

Regularsizedrudy · 14/10/2021 17:08

What were you expecting of your five year old? It’s not her job to look after your baby ffs.

RobertaFirmino · 14/10/2021 17:09

The poor little girl. Have you any idea how damaging words like yours can be to a small child? Whether you like it or not, you've now planted a seed. It seems obvious you prefer the baby and I'll put good money on your 5yo knowing this too. It doesn't matter if she's a 'rainbow baby', or whatever other vomit-inducing term you wish to use, you have two girls and they need to be treated with equal love.