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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this worth it?

202 replies

dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 20:49

I am a high earner. My salary is £200k per annum. I have a 10 month old and I desperately miss him and feel like I'm missing out. I work 5 days a week, following hours, about 40 days holiday per year.

Sunday 10-6
Monday 9-5
Tuesday 1-8
Wednesday 9-7
Thursday 1-8

Is this worth it? I don't know what to do. Feel really upset at the moment. 😢

OP posts:
SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 20:50

Is there any scope to cut a day or two?

ssd · 10/10/2021 20:51

Strange post

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 20:51

No. Maybe an hour or two. Maybe

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 10/10/2021 20:53

I don't think its worth it.

DGFB · 10/10/2021 20:54

Yes it’s worth it. Your baby is small and we all go through this because separation at this age is hard. Do you have good childcare.. is he with loving people you trust?
In a few years he will be off at school and gaining independence and your cash will provide an amazing future for him.
Many FT working parents are also amazing parents. You are not a bad parent because you work. Do you outsource cleaning and other boring tasks so that when you are with your baby the time is quality time together?
Also, what does your DH do?

DGFB · 10/10/2021 20:55

Also 40 days holiday per year is huge??

Shamoo · 10/10/2021 20:55

😂😂😂😂

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 20:56

Well it's that age-old conundrum, isn't it? No matter how much we are told that as women we can have it all, the reality is that we often have to choose to prioritise one thing or the other at certain points of our life.

As such a high earner, can you afford to take a lesser-paying job that gives you more time off for the next few years?

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 20:57

He works Monday-Friday 9-5, in a more normal job. Next year he might not work, but he will continue in his job until June.

I'm worried I'm actually damaging my son. He's so happy and I feel like I'm letting him down.

OP posts:
DeireadhFomhair · 10/10/2021 20:57

Hours look fine to me, pretty standard apart from Wednesday. Salary is exceptional. What's your issue?

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 20:58

@DeireadhFomhair

Hours look fine to me, pretty standard apart from Wednesday. Salary is exceptional. What's your issue?
I don't see him before he goes to bed 3 days a week which is hard. I'm back and he's already asleep.
OP posts:
WorriedGiraffe · 10/10/2021 20:58

Sounds worth it, you arnt working crazy hours. It’s normal to worry though, especially when they are small. But yes it’s worth it, you are doing the best thing by your child and their future.

DrManhattan · 10/10/2021 20:59

Save up and quit. Nice problem to have.

DuesToTheDirt · 10/10/2021 21:00

So that's an average of about 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Pretty standard then. And you get 200k for this. What is your problem again? Confused

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:00

40 min commute each way too which takes away some more time.

It's very hard. It's a lot to walk away from.

OP posts:
Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:01

@DuesToTheDirt

So that's an average of about 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week. Pretty standard then. And you get 200k for this. What is your problem again? Confused
I know. It's a new job and I was working about 20-25 hours a week on a very normal salary before children. So it feels like a lot with a baby.
OP posts:
Coronado2 · 10/10/2021 21:01

To be honest for the salary the hours look fine. Less hours than I'd expect for the salary for sure!
A lot of people work longer hours for less money. Only you can decide if it's worth it to you or not.

Innovationstandard · 10/10/2021 21:02

You can never get that time back. Could you reduce hours? Sabbatical?

SylvanasWindrunner · 10/10/2021 21:02

It's honestly just a really personal thing, OP. I work part-time because I want to spend more time with DD, I'm self-employed so can be flexible and work around her, such as when she's in bed, and we can afford for me to do that. But that's my circumstances, not yours. Only you can know if it's worth it or not based on how you feel.

What I will say is that they are tiny for so little time before they are at school or you send them to nursery to prepare for school, so if you feel at all like you are missing out, I personally would take steps to change that because you don't get this time back. Can you take a sabbatical? You don't need to walk away and never come back - maybe you can just take a break.

Money is great but it isn't everything.

MushMonster · 10/10/2021 21:02

You have 40 days holiday per year....
Also two free days per week.
Some of your working days will actually allow you to take your baby out for a while in the morning. I am assuming those are day hours, no nights.
To me it looks great. But if you do not like it, then change job or career?

ImNotDancing · 10/10/2021 21:02

My heart bleeds for you Op Biscuit

cantgetmyheadroundit · 10/10/2021 21:03

God, I wish I'd had this issue/choice when I had to go back to my shitty full time minimum wage jobs when both of mine were small...

CommanderBurnham · 10/10/2021 21:03

Stick with it, especially if your partner might not be working next year.

It's hard leaving your LO but if your lifestyle wouldn't impact considerably then drop a day mid week. Remember above 100k is 50%tax plus NI so you won't be losing as much as you think in take home pay.

laalaaland · 10/10/2021 21:04

I wanna know what the job is!

Newcornishmama · 10/10/2021 21:04

Can you juggle the three later nights around so you don't miss him before bed 3 nights in a row?

I have a 2 year old and work full time (mon-fri 9-5) for a much lower salary (60k) and it's so hard but on balance I think this is best for my family. I also try and be as present as possible when with DS - not always easy but a focus on quality over quantity.

How do you think you would feel if you were at home full time with no salary?

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