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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this worth it?

202 replies

dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 20:49

I am a high earner. My salary is £200k per annum. I have a 10 month old and I desperately miss him and feel like I'm missing out. I work 5 days a week, following hours, about 40 days holiday per year.

Sunday 10-6
Monday 9-5
Tuesday 1-8
Wednesday 9-7
Thursday 1-8

Is this worth it? I don't know what to do. Feel really upset at the moment. 😢

OP posts:
WeatherwaxOn · 10/10/2021 21:05

Nobody ever laid on their deathbed and wished they had worked more hours.

If it is upsetting you that you are missing time with your son then you should cut your hours. Whether that is possible in the job you're in is something you'd have to explore. How would you manage financially with either a pay cut or with taking some form of sabbatical?

FawnFrenchieMum · 10/10/2021 21:05

Looks pretty good to me, two full days off, plus two mornings when you can potentially do something before work and bed time on two works days. Looks like a good balance on paper.

Noodella18 · 10/10/2021 21:05

That looks like a pretty good set up to me. You mentioned missing bedtime on three days, but on two of those days you don't start work til 1pm, so presumably you spend the morning with him instead? That's more than many mums would get with their kids. If you can cut a couple of hours on the weds then sounds dreamy to me.

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:05

@CommanderBurnham

Stick with it, especially if your partner might not be working next year.

It's hard leaving your LO but if your lifestyle wouldn't impact considerably then drop a day mid week. Remember above 100k is 50%tax plus NI so you won't be losing as much as you think in take home pay.

I'm actually not in the U.K. so it's tax free.
OP posts:
thirstyformore · 10/10/2021 21:07

Those hours are pretty good. And the holiday is great! When my second was 1 I was working 4 days a week, out is the house 7-7 minimum, so rarely for to see him at all on those days. Only 26 days holiday. I'd stick at it

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:07

And yes, I have the mornings with him some days.

I guess it's just such a change from what I was doing before, it seems like crazy hours. There's no option of a sabbatical. It's all or nothing.

OP posts:
MumUndone · 10/10/2021 21:08

WTF?

qualitygirl · 10/10/2021 21:09

Are you from the U.K. @dubaidancer?

VillKrill · 10/10/2021 21:09

Depends whether you enjoy your job. Hours per week are pretty standard and the holiday and pay are exceptional, so I personally wouldn’t give that up unless you really hated the job itself.

TheGrumpyGoat · 10/10/2021 21:10

Well… you work far fewer hours than me for far more money, and I have three young kids who seem to be surviving ok…

MumofSpud · 10/10/2021 21:10

I'd love to know what your job is!

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:10

@DGFB

Yes it’s worth it. Your baby is small and we all go through this because separation at this age is hard. Do you have good childcare.. is he with loving people you trust? In a few years he will be off at school and gaining independence and your cash will provide an amazing future for him. Many FT working parents are also amazing parents. You are not a bad parent because you work. Do you outsource cleaning and other boring tasks so that when you are with your baby the time is quality time together? Also, what does your DH do?
About to outsource cleaning. Just moved so haven't got it set up yet.

Childcare is hopefully good. He starts next week. I've been reading how childcare under 2 is damaging, which hasn't been good for my head this week.

OP posts:
Lightswitch123 · 10/10/2021 21:10

Could you not take your full year maternity?

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:11

@qualitygirl

Are you from the U.K. *@dubaidancer*?
I am, but not living there at the moment.
OP posts:
pelosi · 10/10/2021 21:11

I think those hours are fine if you have good childcare in place.

Are you a dancer?

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:12

@VillKrill

Depends whether you enjoy your job. Hours per week are pretty standard and the holiday and pay are exceptional, so I personally wouldn’t give that up unless you really hated the job itself.
I don't love it.
OP posts:
ShrikeAttack · 10/10/2021 21:12

I think the clue to OP's occupation may be in her name!

WeatherwaxLives · 10/10/2021 21:12

Do you have to do those hours? As in those times?

After I had DD I shifted my working day so I started at lunchtime, had the morning with her and DP did bedtime. But looking back it would have been better if I'd gone the other way, started work early morning (maybe 5/6am) and then finished early afternoon and had the rest of the day to do things with her without the 'got to be at work soon' feeling.

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:13

@Lightswitch123

Could you not take your full year maternity?
No, different laws where I am. I didn't have a job throughout pregnancy. I accepted this job a few months ago thinking I'd be ready to work again. I'm not though.
OP posts:
Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:14

@WeatherwaxLives

Do you have to do those hours? As in those times?

After I had DD I shifted my working day so I started at lunchtime, had the morning with her and DP did bedtime. But looking back it would have been better if I'd gone the other way, started work early morning (maybe 5/6am) and then finished early afternoon and had the rest of the day to do things with her without the 'got to be at work soon' feeling.

Yes I have to do these hours.
OP posts:
Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:14

@ShrikeAttack

I think the clue to OP's occupation may be in her name!
Haha, no, I just like dancing 🤣
OP posts:
ThatsNotMyReindeer · 10/10/2021 21:15

OP to put it into perspective, some of us work similar hours for 10% of your salary, with no choice of an alternative. You're in a very privileged position to be able to make your decisions.

I'm interested to know what you do now and did pre baby as it sounds like you've made a sudden career jump?

Newmumatlast · 10/10/2021 21:15

@dubaidancer

And yes, I have the mornings with him some days.

I guess it's just such a change from what I was doing before, it seems like crazy hours. There's no option of a sabbatical. It's all or nothing.

It seems like crazy hours because you weren't working full time hours when you didn't have any children. Now you're working normal amount of hours but big increase for you and you have a child. If you had worked full time before it may not feel as crazy. If you're unhappy and can afford to just take a lower paid part time job again like before
NeverTheHootenanny · 10/10/2021 21:17

Have you just gone back to work? Give it a few months and you might feel totally differently. I felt awful guilt for the first few weeks back but we all settled back into it really quickly.
For that salary, the hours don’t seem excessive and the holiday allowance is really generous. You have two days per week and then two mornings free to spend with him, and can do bedtimes most nights. That seems fine to me, just make sure the time you spend together is quality time.

ImInStealthMode · 10/10/2021 21:17

Anyone I know that earns anywhere close to £200k a year is at a level of responsibility that they're working (or at least on call) 24/7, not 40 hours a week with 40 days holiday which is an exceptionally generous amount. Can you take your leave whenever you like? With that amount you could take a day off per week and only need work one 'full' week per month.

Struggling to work out if this is real, or some kind of stealth boast?