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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this worth it?

202 replies

dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 20:49

I am a high earner. My salary is £200k per annum. I have a 10 month old and I desperately miss him and feel like I'm missing out. I work 5 days a week, following hours, about 40 days holiday per year.

Sunday 10-6
Monday 9-5
Tuesday 1-8
Wednesday 9-7
Thursday 1-8

Is this worth it? I don't know what to do. Feel really upset at the moment. 😢

OP posts:
Cruiser11 · 10/10/2021 21:18

Try foucusing on the 8 weeks holiday you get, every 6 weeks you could book a week off.

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:18

@ThatsNotMyReindeer

OP to put it into perspective, some of us work similar hours for 10% of your salary, with no choice of an alternative. You're in a very privileged position to be able to make your decisions.

I'm interested to know what you do now and did pre baby as it sounds like you've made a sudden career jump?

Yes it's a bit of a jump. I was a normal teacher before but now a governess with a private family in the Middle East. The kids are a bit spoilt and I'd just rather be with my own. I do realise it's an insane amount of money.
OP posts:
MrzClaus · 10/10/2021 21:19

Hi OP!

My parents had slightly worse working hours (we had a nanny who did most of the bits during the week like bedtime etc) and I can honestly say I love them to absolute bits!!

By the time I had a childhood I could remember (probably about 4/5 onwards) all of my memories are of fun things we did as a family and things we could do (luckily due to their salaries) and I don't think I missed out at all.

If your job isn't stressing you too much I would try to remember the lifestyle and opportunities you are creating by working as you are - by the time your child is old enough to create memories you'll be able to provide something amazing for them. If your DH is leaving work potentially next year then don't feel guilty as things might change - but you are not damaging your son in any way by him going to childcare at any age.

HalzTangz · 10/10/2021 21:19

But you have days where you don't start until one meaning you get mornings with him.

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:20

@ImInStealthMode

Anyone I know that earns anywhere close to £200k a year is at a level of responsibility that they're working (or at least on call) 24/7, not 40 hours a week with 40 days holiday which is an exceptionally generous amount. Can you take your leave whenever you like? With that amount you could take a day off per week and only need work one 'full' week per month.

Struggling to work out if this is real, or some kind of stealth boast?

I can't take holiday when I want.
OP posts:
TheOpenRoad · 10/10/2021 21:20

It is so incredibly difficult. I have two kids and am a high earner and suffer constantly from mum guilt. My kids are in primary school and I am proud that I work full-time and have a responsible job. It also means a lot for my self esteem to be financially independent and doing well in my career.

But having said that, money is not important and what matters most is your happiness and health.

Congratulations on your baby

HappyTimeTunnelDinosaur · 10/10/2021 21:21

Honestly for me this wouldn't be worth it, some things are more important than money would be my personal reasoning. However, many many parents need or choose to work longer hours for less, only you can decide what will be the best for you and your family. There is no right or wrong answer.

ShrikeAttack · 10/10/2021 21:21

Apologies @dubaidancer, I was just trying to think of something with very erratic hours!

Cruiser11 · 10/10/2021 21:23

Apart from Wednesdays the hours aren’t very long.

ShrikeAttack · 10/10/2021 21:25

(Governess/nanny was my next thought!).

I think in your position I'd maybe stick it out for a few years then return to the UK. Think of it an an investment in your baby's future.

afromom · 10/10/2021 21:26

My DS is now a teenager. I did my PGCE when most would be taking maternity leave (I only took 3 months). It was really hard, I had to study and work long hours and continued to do so until he started school at 4. I actually found he needed me more when he started school than as a baby/toddler.
If I was you and earning that much money, I would do it now, save as much as you can, then reduce for a few years in early primary years. By around the time he was 10 I was back to working full time hours and he needed me far less again.

Original poster
dubaidancer · 10/10/2021 21:27

@ShrikeAttack

(Governess/nanny was my next thought!).

I think in your position I'd maybe stick it out for a few years then return to the UK. Think of it an an investment in your baby's future.

🤣 i figured I'd just say, as it's annoying when people give so much info on these anonymous posts but then keep back one bit of info!
OP posts:
JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 10/10/2021 21:27

Few of us like going back to work after maternity leave. The hours you are doing for the amount you get paid are fantastic! You won't get that in many places!

I'd take the job and enjoy the time you have with your baby on your hours off.

parentinghelp1 · 10/10/2021 21:32

@pelosi

I think those hours are fine if you have good childcare in place.

Are you a dancer?

Of all the careers why guess OP is a dancer?

Misogynistic post

TheGrumpyGoat · 10/10/2021 21:32

Of all the careers why guess OP is a dancer?

Because of her username, at a guess.

Cruiser11 · 10/10/2021 21:35

parentinghelp1 read the whole thread.

fluffythedragonslayer · 10/10/2021 21:39

Well done on all your money. I work full time hours for shit pay. Forgive me if I can't muster much sympathy

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 10/10/2021 21:39

@parentinghelp1 the OP's name is dubai dancer. Not sure that the pp was being misogynistic by guessing that she may in fact be a dancer. Perhaps even in Dubai.

GotoutoftheUKphew · 10/10/2021 21:42

I would like to emphatically say DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR JOB!

Your child is fine. You are spending enough time with them.

Never give up your independence as you do not know what is round the corner.

I know loads of women who have separated and really need their own income.

I know loads who give everything up for the sake of the family and are now at a total loose end as their kids are more independent and they can’t get back I to the workplace.

I know a few who have dreadful marriages and will not separate as they are dependent on the partner financially.

I know you are probably smugly thinking this will
Not be you and so was I once…

If I had given up work, my life and that of my kids would have been absolute hell.

3luckystars · 10/10/2021 21:42

What is the alternative?

pelosi · 10/10/2021 21:43

🤣

TulipVictory · 10/10/2021 21:44

Your salary is wow 🤩 I'm interested to know what your job is? But to be honest, I still would not work those hours for your wage.

I have a 9 month old and I will be returning to work soon. I work 23 hours per week and my pay is dismal compared to yours. However, you will never, ever ever get that time back with your Son. This time is so precious and for me it's what I live for. They grow so quickly. Could you change jobs and perhaps aim to return to a similar job once your children start school?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/10/2021 21:44

That’s a huge amount of money for less than full time hours. Your baby will be fine. I’d stick at it and save like crazy. You’d have the option of coming back to the UK when he’s school age and potentially buying a house outright.

Kuachui · 10/10/2021 21:45

Is your child's education and quality of life working more hours? Yes.

Maybe when they are older you can go into something a little better hours but the hours you work is like every other full time job but you get paid 20 x more than some people for doing it

Kuachui · 10/10/2021 21:45

Worth working more hours*