Is this worth it?

[dubaidancer]

I am a high earner. My salary is £200k per annum. I have a 10 month old and I desperately miss him and feel like I'm missing out. I work 5 days a week, following hours, about 40 days holiday per year.

Sunday 10-6
Monday 9-5
Tuesday 1-8
Wednesday 9-7
Thursday 1-8

Is this worth it? I don't know what to do. Feel really upset at the moment. 😢

It was my experience that DC needed me more when they were older. Make hay while the sun shines and put some serious money aside for the future would be my advice.

May I respectfully point out op that when ds was a baby 26 years ago mat leave was 6 months. I earned a very high salary at the time: half yours. I tried to reduce my hours a bit so I was only working a 4 day week and was out of the house from 7am to 7pm - 40hpw with an hour commute on top and obvs a 20% salary reduction. 23 days' holiday pro-rated.

I was incredibly privileged. How can you not think so particularly when we are constantly told that UK teachers put in a 12 hour day six times a week to stand still.

I worked full time whilst having my daughters and so regret it. I only have cute photos of them now but don't remember enough of the enjoyable times bringing them up. Those first 5 years are the most important in their development and like some have said, you'll never get that time back. Having said that, the girls are fine, well balanced social butterflies me in their 20s with their own careers. 200k is a fantastic salary which can by you so much freedom...a little later though.

Typo yuck...'buy' you so much freedom

Really? 3 nights a week he's in bed. There are people on minimum wage with 20 days a year holiday working longer shifts than you and arriving home after their baby is in bed.
Hopefully a will cheer you up.

Just imagine there are people working the same hours on minimum wage.

It depends as well if you're planning more DC. Even if you only do this job for a couple of years, tax free you should be able to save say £100k which is a fantastic safety net for the future.

If you turn this jon down what are the options? Can you afford not to work ? If you don't do it will you end up working for a lot less money in the future?

Full time is hard when they are young, but conversely it's a lot easier to work ft when you don't need to schedule in school runs and clubs etc. etc.

I've always worked full time with 3 kids and a significantly lower salary.

And I feel precisely no guilt. I used to work shifts; sometimes I would put my kid to bed, at other times another family or my XH would. It really wasn't a big deal.

A 200k salary is massive salary and will allow you a fantastic lifestyle and opportunities that your kid will benefit from hugely.

You would be an idiot to give that up just so you can do a bedtime story every night.

If you are in Dubai OP, ask the Filipina maids if they feel guilty about not seeing their kids for literally years whilst they work in UAE.

Come on, the OP knows it's a huge salary and that others are managing on MW or as maids. She's not living in a dream world, she's had a normal-paying job all her working life, taken a risk moving abroad and landed a huge salary. She doesn't sound ungrateful, just unsure what to do in her own circumstances.

@dubaidancer

40 min commute each way too which takes away some more time.

It's very hard. It's a lot to walk away from.

What's a lot to walk away from? The baby or your job?

It's the same decision lots of parents make. What do you want? Work from home some days? Live closer to work? Go part time?

I work in Dubai, work longer hours and your monthly salary is more than my annual salary. Just to put it in perspective.

I would stick it out for a few years, save well, invest well and set your family up for an incredible life in the future.

Why don't you tell yourself you'll do it until the end of the summer term? Save as much as you can then take some time off to be with your DC?

Thanks everyone. I realise I sound like I'm on another planet complaining about this when many are on a far lower wage with the same hours. It's the first time I've been stressed, and can feel my menta health suffering slightly.

OP, how do you earn this salary but haven’t developed the emotional intelligence and time management skills needed. Very odd.

I actually think your set-up is pretty good other than the Sunday and presumably your DH and baby will get getting lots of 1:1 time then. Given your mornings on the Tue and thurs I think you’d actually get more time with the baby than many other working parents.

Monday 9-5 - standard hours
Tuesday 1-8 - gives you lots of time in the morning
Wednesday 9-7 - long day which is probably your hard one
Thursday 1-8 - again lots of time in the morning

It's natural to feel nervous and have doubts about returning full time to work after having a baby, particularly if you're going to be looking after what sound like spoiled DCs rather than your own baby.

But honestly for this amount of money you would be doing your own family a disservice not to at least give it a go. Opportunities to earn this much money come but rarely and you'd likely feel better if you decided in your head to give it a go for 6 months.

You can never get baby time back, but it's a good wage. Can you stick it out for one year and save all the money??

OP, how do you earn this salary but haven’t developed the emotional intelligence and time management skills needed. Very odd

@sst1234 how have you contributed to this thread without developing the intelligence needed to RTFT? Because if you had you would CLEARLY see that the OP lives in the Middle East and is a governess for a (presumably) extremely well off family. Earning 200k is not always linked with extreme emotional intelligence and time management skills. Just saying.

@user7692398242

You can never get baby time back, but it's a good wage. Can you stick it out for one year and save all the money??

Yes. It's the thought of never getting this time back that brings me to tears daily.

Do you need the money?

@Cruiser11

Do you need the money?

Not really. I could take a normal teaching job. Even a part time one maybe. But I've committed to a year at least with this contract.

I meant the young years. You will never be able to get that back. 200k isn't worth it.

^I agree with this

When will the year end? Could you try and stick it out until then?

OP, I worked in the city for a long time and have lots of friends who have or are doing it, working long hours etc. And we categorically all agree that it is easier when the kids are small. As they get older, if you're working in job that has long (or inconvenient) hours, you're missing meeting teachers, seeing the school play, taking them to ballet/gymnastics/swimming/art/yoga/whatever (which is often also where your best "bonding" experiences happen) etc etc.

You are not working crazy hours, and still get to spend plenty of time with your DD and due to living and working in the ME with the beneficial tax etc, you can use this time to save up so that when she is older and you return to the UK you can buy a house, keep your expenses low and not work, or work only part time.

The trick though, again learned from the experience of me and my friends/colleagues, is to make sure that you are also using that money to improve the quality of life and your experience when you are with your DD. Outsource as MUCH of the drudge work as possible from cleaning and gardening to cooking/shopping/organization (whatever works for you). Make sure you use your 40 days holiday a year to do lovely lovely things (one v high flying family I know have a v strict rule that they always have at least their next holiday booked and paid for so that they've always got that to look forward to).

Giving up a job with those hours and that pay when your DD will be happily looked after by someone else is crazy. Not least because I don't know what research you are reading but she's going to be in childcare for what, 30 hours a week, tops? That's not actually that much.

WTF has your high salary got to do with it?

You have a child & a job. So do millions of women.
The vast majority of those women don't also have the benefit of your resources.
A large chunk of them are struggling financially, endure desperate childcare conundrums, lose out careerwise because those conundrums cannot be solved by money they do not have, & cannot afford the kind of respite & specialist support for both working mother & children that you can.

Remind me again what your problem is?
If you miss you kid, go part time.