Is this worth it?

[dubaidancer]

I am a high earner. My salary is £200k per annum. I have a 10 month old and I desperately miss him and feel like I'm missing out. I work 5 days a week, following hours, about 40 days holiday per year.

Sunday 10-6
Monday 9-5
Tuesday 1-8
Wednesday 9-7
Thursday 1-8

Is this worth it? I don't know what to do. Feel really upset at the moment. 😢

Not sure why people are being rude

As you asked..no I don't think it is worth it. I worked part time as much as I could and still do my kids are 7 and 9

There is no right and wrong answer here but if you aren't happy make a change

Could you go part time?

If you are unhappy OP make a change. It would really torture me to look after others kids instead of my own..that isn't even getting an actual break to do something different

You only get one life. If you want more time with your baby go for it

Walking away is tempting, but it really depends on the kind of person you are.

Is being a stay at home mum, watching cartoon and going on endless walks really what you dream of? Or does the satisfaction and fulfillment of being a successful person with an important role in something bigger mean more to you?

I'm definitely the latter. My husband was always the main caretaker and although it was hard at times, I'm so glad I never gave up my career. It's also put us in a great place for the future as our boys get older and need more space, cars and university tuition money

Thanks everyone.

No options right now to change anything. It's all or nothing. I am really hoping that next September I can negotiate a split with my (also teacher) husband and I. So 20 hours each.

Sorry just seen that you're a nanny (I'd assumed working in a big corporate company like me). That changes things as you'd be doing similar at home with your own children as you are being paid to do with others.

Go with your gut, but have a 5 year plan.

Are you planning on returning to the U.K. @dubaidancer? If so I would stick it out and save what you can and then when you return to the U.K. you will be able to buy a property or too outright. That's what we did and now we can pick and choose what we do with our time A LOT more. It was worth it for us imo.

I’m a sahm and I was worried that I was damaging my kids by being with them too much. I think whatever we do we worry, there’s no guide to guaranteed successful parenting and there’ll always be a what if to our decision.

If I was on 200k for those hours I’d be skipping out the door with a smile on my face every day. If it’s not working for you though, are there part time jobs or other jobs that would work better for you and allow you to spend more time with your son?

Or two (not too!)

If they’re paying you £200k to be a governess they clearly value you. Just tell them you would like to spend more time with your own baby and ask them to reduce down to 9-5 & ask for a pay cut

I would stick with it, it's an insane amount of money. And childcare for the under 2's isn't damaging, plenty children go to nursery, some full time at the same age as your dc and do absolutely fine.

I personally would get your DP to be a SAHP so you don’t feel as guilty and do your job for a couple of years into you save up and buy a nice house and go part time somewhere.

I’m not sure what job you would get with better hours though unless you were able to go part time.

Christ, make hay while the sun shines OP.

I don't have kids so this may be a stupid suggestion but is there anything you could do with the commute, that is to say use a nursery or minder near work so you'd have that time with the baby? Suppose it depends on the roads, how he travels, whether you could get a taxi or driver for the journey but just a thought since you have a lot of money to try things such as taxis.

Childcare is hopefully good. He starts next week. I've been reading how childcare under 2 is damaging, which hasn't been good for my head this week.

I can't speak for childcare in Dubai, but I know that nursery has been absolutely wonderful for my daughter, who started at 13 months. She has lots of friends, loves the staff, does fantastic activities that I would never dream of doing with her and comes home happy and fulfilled. She has learned so much there - her speech has come on leaps and bounds, they've really drummed into her the concept of taking turns and she will actually eat things other than cheese and pasta when she's there. I'd say it would have been limiting NOT to put her in childcare before 2 due to the breadth of experiences she has had there.

Wow I'd love to do those hours for 200k. I don't know how I'm going to manage, solicitor earning 36k for ridiculous hours no idea how I will even afford childcare.

I'm sorry. It's not a normal job. I was on a much more normal salary before and realise the strain parents are under. It's basically why I took this job. It seemed crazy to turn it down. But now I'm starting to regret taking it.

@Ozanj

If they’re paying you £200k to be a governess they clearly value you. Just tell them you would like to spend more time with your own baby and ask them to reduce down to 9-5 & ask for a pay cut

Doesn't work quite like that I'm afraid. They dictate the hours. It's partly why I'm paid this much. They have me when they want me.

A teacher on 200k in Dubai!! UK teachers should really be packing their suitcases asap!!

Stick with the job. Save as much as possible then jack it all in for a chilled life.

You will miss the best years. So yeah, I don't think it's worth it.

@WakeMeUpin22

You will miss the best years. So yeah, I don't think it's worth it.

I meant the young years. You will never be able to get that back. 200k isn't worth it.

You'd be crazy to quit, that is a huge amount of money for being a governess, and those hours are a walk in the park. I work at least 50 hours per week (more often 60, sometimes a 70), in a job for which you have to be very highly qualified, and I get paid less than you after tax.

In my humble opinion, the early years count double, so trust your instincts! With that earning potential, I’d scale back now til age 4, enjoy it, put loads of time in to your daughter, and dial it up later. I don’t think you’d regret it and your daughter certainly would love it!

I meant the young years. You will never be able to get that back. 200k isn't worth it.

Most people do it for a hell of a lot less.

For most people there’s no option to not work so you might as well be getting decent money for it.

I would stick it out as much as you can, save as much as you can and then take the year before he goes to full time school off. He will remember you being there and you can have a full year of adventures before school takes over

I would look at this very pragmatically OP, if you do this for 5 years, you have nearly £1 million pounds, and or even three, and you could buy a house outright in the UK.

This will give you massively more flexibility and opportunities to spend with your child when they are over the age of three and can actually remember it!

Personally I found staying at home with one child a tiny bit dull and went back to work when they were around a year, but with a bit of flexibility in my hours.

I would see this as an amazing way to secure your future financially, which will free both you and your husband up so much in terms of offering quality time later on.

I think it's worth it, but you have to live with yourself. Two teachers, working full-time, will be exhausting, most of my teacher friends are either getting out or wish they could get out, the hours are long and hard at the moment in the UK. So, would you really prefer that lifestyle? Also, teachers cannot take just any time off they choose either, yes, long holidays, but you can't always go to children's events, school stuff as you are at school yourself.

I would grit your teeth for now, make the most of the time you have with your LO, and possibly think about reducing your husband's hours so there is one parent around more if you are worried about that.