Caught dp in the act, wwyd

[Carrottopppp]

I'll try and make this as short as possible. I had my phone on charge in the kitchen this morning so asked dp if I could use his phone to check the MOT history of my car as I can't for the life of me remember when it is next due, anyway I touched the search bar of Google and up popped a certain chat site (the chat site is dedicated to people that have a certain sexual fantasy) for shame reasons I do not feel comfortable saying what fantasy it is but I clicked on it anyway. Turns out he's been a part of this site for 2 months and people can PM each other etc and he's been direct messaging certain members. He deleted his chat history before I could have a good look at it and admitted he's messaged people but they have never replied. The fact that he has joined this site months before we are due to marry is piss taking but what takes the most piss is he thinks he's done nothing wrong 🙄 I've told him I'm considering ending the relationship over this, in my eyes he's cheated or plans on cheating, to me that tells me I'm not good enough for him, our sex life, our relationship, his son is not good enough 😭 I'm struggling here, wtf do I do 💔💔💔

He won't change. Bite the bullet now, don't waste another day on this man who does not deserve your love.

He sounds like an absolute jerk! :( Sorry this happened to you OP. I think being rid of him is the best thing you can do, especially as he doesn't think there's anything wrong with what he's done and the way he's behaved.

For anyone interested
You can check mot renewal on gov website
It’s brilliant - just need the reg

Pleased you didn’t know though op as would still not know about your twat of a partner

glumgal
I think the fact he is minimising his behaviour and trying to gaslight you into thinking you are the one at fault is the biggest indication that there's no future for you as a couple.

Had he profusely apologised and promised that he never intended to act on his fantasies and it was simply curiosity then maybe just maybe you might have been able to get past it even though it was a massive betrayal of your trust.

I think you need to ask yourself if you will ever truly feel able to trust him again and the sad fact is that if he's not even willing to acknowledge that he did anything wrong then the answer surely has to be no.

You can get past this and co-parent your son and he can still be an amazing father, just not one who lives under your roof. I would ask him to go to give you some space and take legal advice as soon as you can.

Big hugs xx

THIS 100 per cent. The fact that he's not bending over backwards to reassure you, show you how much he loves and respects you and tell you how sorry he is, just shows that at best he's not ready for a mature relationship at all and at worst that he's selfish, gaslighting, cheat.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this, OP. Sending big hugs.

Zombie thread.

This thread is from the beginning of October and was resurrected by someone today. The OP hasn't been back.

Obviously, I'm against your dp's infidelity and I hope you do something for yourself, booking a hotel if possible to get away for a bit.

Although it's not the main problem, upon seeing that he's been apart of this website and you've seen a list of messages between him and others which should be enough, at which point you feel your relationship is already over, I don't understand why you'd then want to torture yourself by opening said messages intending to have a 'good look'. Surely that's just being nosey

"I'm sole earner, he's the childcare for our child"

For the love of God DON'T MARRY HIM!!! He could end up claiming spousal maintenance. Marriage is about legal rights, not just declaring love.

(I'd kick him out...)

OP he is the one who is in the wrong, not good enough, etc, not you.

PLease please Op, Dont marry him now.
You have everything to lose and nothing to gain!

I’m so sorry OP.

But please don’t marry him right now. You’re in a much better position where he won’t be able to get your pension etc at the moment.

You deserve better than this

So you don’t marry him, call the wedding off, stop having sex with him, keep him as home leaker and child cater until you find a child minder or au pair then move him out. He’s scum and you know it, sorry it’s ending like this for you it better now than when you are married, start great rocking him

@Carrottopppp

I hope your ok whatever it was you decided to do

Lucky escape!
Thank goodness you found out before marrying him.

Yes I'm sole earner, he's the childcare for our child but I'm on a very good wage so we are more than financially okay

But on another you say you receive universal credit?

NRTFT So don’t know if this has been said, but I would worry that he may get custody of your ds. As he looks after him while you work, he would be in a good position to fight for this, so please think carefully about this before any action.