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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told to f* off by DH. AIBU?

283 replies

snapasnap · 07/10/2021 15:01

Hi everyone.

Yesterday, DH wanted to meet with a friend of his. I was happy to go, although I said only if the bar we met at had an outside space. We are both double vaccinated, however, I still feel better taking precautions like not eating/drinking in enclosed spaces.

We arrived, and the bar was completely indoors. Since DH friend was already there and with another group of people, I didn't feel as if I could make an issue and didn't want there to be a scene, so went inside and stayed for 2 hours.

Upon leaving, I calmly told DH that I was upset he hadn't kept to the agreement, even though he knows how I feel about eating/drinking inside at the moment. His response was to tell me to 'fuck off' as apparently I'm an irritation to him.

To add context, I have my first annual leave in 9 months next week - and so I have been trying to be even more careful as I don't want to be unwell - and have been looking forward to some relaxation time for months.

AIBU to still feel like this even though I have had both vaccines?

OP posts:
Arabelladrinkstea · 07/10/2021 15:03

It’s a shame you ruined what sounds like a nice night out.
Why put all the blame on DH and have a go?
It sounds like you have developed Health Anxiety.

FourteenthDoctor · 07/10/2021 15:04

He was wrong you were wrong everyone was wrong

namechange30455 · 07/10/2021 15:06

It sounds like your DH is fed up of your health anxiety dictating what he is and isn't allowed to do, tbh.

ilikefastcars · 07/10/2021 15:06

You are not being unreasonable to feel like this. He doesn't have to feel the same, but he should respect your feelings/wishes. Is he always like this towards you? I would be considering my relationship tbh.

TinnedPotatoesRock · 07/10/2021 15:07

Well he shouldn't have told you to fuck off but I agree with PP, you do sound like you have health anxiety

vivainsomnia · 07/10/2021 15:07

Why oh why did you stay if you were so bothered? It sounds like you want to rain on your oh having a good time with his friends.

Terrible to tell you to fuck off but your behaviour dies come across as passive agressive and controlling.

Lazypuppy · 07/10/2021 15:08

You are an adult capable of making decisions, you didn't hqve to go inside, you could have gone home. Or you could hqve checked the place had outside seating yourself

Howshouldibehave · 07/10/2021 15:09

You sound like you need to get some professional help for your health anxiety. Why didn’t you just let your DH go and meet his mate alone?

JudgementalCactus · 07/10/2021 15:09

I would never tell my partner to fuck off and I would not tolerate it either.

Whether your concern was reasonable or not is not the point. He still ignored you and then punished you when you brought it up. Doesn't look like he respects you very much.

JovialNickname · 07/10/2021 15:09

It was unkind of him to tell you to fuck off (as opposed to just go home then if you're uncomfortable) but what did you expect him to do, build you an outside bar when there wasn't one, there's literally nothing he can do about it. And yes, double jabbed people complaining how unsafe they feel in a normal indoor space, in a first world country, is starting to get a bit wearing to many.

FuckingFlumps · 07/10/2021 15:09

@Arabelladrinkstea

It’s a shame you ruined what sounds like a nice night out. Why put all the blame on DH and have a go? It sounds like you have developed Health Anxiety.
I agree. It sounds like he's reached the end of his tether and you ruined what should have been a nice night out.

If you were uncomfortable you should have gone home and left him to enjoy himself. I do think you need to speak to someone about possible health anxiety though.

Cosyblankets · 07/10/2021 15:09

What did you want him to do? Turn round and go home? You say it was his friend and his friend was there with a group of his friends yet it seems you wanted to dictate the conditions. No one forced you to stay you could have left him to catch up with his friends

MadamMedea · 07/10/2021 15:09

I think you were YABU to spend two hours there and then have a go, but he was unreasonable to tell you to fuck off.

GoWalkabout · 07/10/2021 15:09

Not ok to speak to you like that, ever.

You are responsible for your decisions, not him. If you didn't want to cause a scene, why blame him for not doing so later. That's on you.

Fernando072020 · 07/10/2021 15:10

Agree with pp. He shouldn't have told you to fuck off but I understand his frustration with you

bg21 · 07/10/2021 15:10

This reply has been deleted

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RatherBeRiding · 07/10/2021 15:10

Did he know in advance there was no outside space? if he didn't, then you can't really blame him. And if you felt so strongly about being indoors, couldn't you have gone home?

Yes he shouldn't have sworn at you, but equally you shouldn't dictate your DH's movements to that extent.

Cadent · 07/10/2021 15:10

YANBU, ‘fuck off’ is a dickhead response.

If he didn’t want to go to an outdoor bar space he should have said, and you could have made the decision then.

But I see the MRA out in in force so you will be blamed for being told to fuck off.

skatewanker · 07/10/2021 15:12

If you were uncomfortable with it all being indoors why did you go in? I think it's a bit dickish to complain after the fact. You didn't have to go into the bar.

But telling you to fuck off is a bit much. I'd have probably rolled my eyes at you.

ArranMumma · 07/10/2021 15:12

I honestly feel so impatient and drained by covid health nuts like you now. He was wrong to talk to you like that, but the pandemic has been so stressful and isolating I can hardly blame him for losing his temper. Just let him see his bloody friends fgs.

DressBitch · 07/10/2021 15:13

He shouldn't have sworn at you but how long are you going to let fear dictate both of your lives? Sounds a miserable way to live. I feel a bit sorry for him if you're always like this.

Ellarain · 07/10/2021 15:14

Let it go. You ruined the evening.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/10/2021 15:14

I think if you stayed indoors for 2 hours despite previously only agreeing to go if it was outdoors, your calmly bringing it up upon leaving obviously pushed his button. If you have boundaries, either stick to them or don't, but if it's the latter, you can't then complain.

Gazelda · 07/10/2021 15:15

I'd expect an adult to be able to make the choice of whether to stay or leave and then not blame others for the situation they chose to stay in.
You spoiled a nice evening.
He shouldn't have told you to fuck off. He owes you an apology.

rainyskylight · 07/10/2021 15:15

I probably would have said the same. I’d have regretted it afterwards. But meant it regardless.