To get really fucked off when DP does this?

[Satinthedarkwithlight]

He is working late and has not bothered to let me know. Normally finishes between 5-530 and it is 630 and I am sat with an increasingly fractious ten and a half month old.

AIBU to think it’s common courtesy to communicate?

YANBU. My DH does this and it irritates me. I liked to make our tea ready for when he's back so we can eat as a family but he never let me know if he's back late. But I stopped doing this and now tea is ready between 5-5.30 and if he's back he's back, if not then his food goes cold.
It doesn't take a second to send a quick message to let us know when they will be expected home.

Is he definitely working late? How do you know if he’s not told you? YANBU if he is, it’s so annoying. BUT maybe his phone died unexpectedly and he’s stuck in traffic… but I would be annoyed too (but also worried…sorry I don’t want to make you worry…)

How do you know if he’s not told you

Because he’s sat in the dining room on his laptop

And I want to strangle him with its cord!

Having seen the update I’d be inclined to turn the electricity off at the fuse box and not tell him.

Can you not just go in and talk to him if he's WFH?

Yabu, because you could have just asked your husband instead of starting a MN thread....

I second the cord....

I could but I am going to seethe on here instead

In all seriousness he can hear DS shouting and grizzling so he’s evidently decided work is more important

Well, personally, I reckon it's more important to keep to the baby's routine. So I'd be doing that, and saving up my acrimony for DH later, 'encouraging' him to communicate changes To The Plan.

Well, yeah. Although there’s not a fixed routine as such. Be time for bed soon. DP still working and not a word to me

Really odd that you wouldn’t pop in. Or vice versa.
If you fail with communication then you’re fucked - fully

So I would probably just have a normal grown up chat.

Stop being so childish. He’s in the next room, go and speak to him

If you are able to see that he is working late, maybe he thinks he doesn't need to explicitly tell you that he is?

To be honest @Chloemol I am a bit hurt and I do feel that if his attitude is this then I’d rather not force him into coming and parenting his child.

Evidently @RichardMarxisinnocent except it means I’m expected to do everything without any word of gratitude, which does annoy me.

Your relationship is in very, very deep trouble. FGS, the two of you, yes, both of you, are seemingly incapable of communicating like adults. He's right there, tell him what you need, expect, etc.

My exh used to do this and it drove me batty.

The worst bit was that until we had children; we would always tell each other when we were coming back. Then as soon as Dd was a baby and I actually needed to know he decided to stop - and wouldn’t be persuaded!

You can get pissy with me all you want. I’m not to blame here.

If I’d just decided I was staying at work until 7, SS would have been called.

Just finished. Thank fuck.

@Satinthedarkwithlight

Evidently *@RichardMarxisinnocent* except it means I’m expected to do everything without any word of gratitude, which does annoy me.

So he's working and you're looking after DC. You want thanks for the things you're doing - do you thank him for his job?

Just weird to expect thanks for doing your job, whether that's working or looking after children/ the home.

Maybe he's under extra pressure at work today? Does he know this is a problem or are you hoping he'll read your mind?

Just get on, and stop complaining. it's just a bit of irritation to deal with.

Yes he is in the wrong. But how will seething help you? It won’t it will just depend your resentment and push your relationship to the brink. Tell him he’s being a twat and if he needs to work late he should tell you. I’m guessing he doesn’t pull his weight in other ways too ?

Deepen *

Mine does this but he’s a very busy head chef so I appreciate he can’t get to his phone often. Your husband is literally in your house though so yabu!

Well, if I wasn’t here, he wouldn’t be able to work, @SparklesAndFlowers, and I do think that when one person is forced into doing a disproportionately long ‘shift’ single handedly a word of thanks is good, yes.

I think when you can clearly hear a baby shouting and whinging and crying for over an hour if it doesn’t occur to you to think perhaps she’d love a break then the laptop cord need shoving somewhere.