To get really fucked off when DP does this?

[Satinthedarkwithlight]

He is working late and has not bothered to let me know. Normally finishes between 5-530 and it is 630 and I am sat with an increasingly fractious ten and a half month old.

AIBU to think it’s common courtesy to communicate?

@Satinthedarkwithlight, speak to him and get him to understand that you both work and you both have a child. Start sharing the bringing up a child and running the house now.

If he's still working at 7.30 then there is something not right in his work-life balance.

@Satinthedarkwithlight, hugs and

@LowlandLucky

Bloody hell, My Husband went off to work one morning when i had a toddler and a tiny baby, he came home 4 days later, i only knew that he had flown out to Canada because i meet his boss's wife in the NAAFI , you have one baby, your Husband is in the next room working and you have got your knickers in a twist because he is working late! You can see he is working so why does he need to tell you ? Can't you cope ?

"Can't you cope?" Really? Of course OP can cope, you are clearly deliberately missing the point. Plus, I'm assuming your story predates mobile telecommunications, because if not your husband really was an inconsiderate arse - outside the Forces you would have been calling the hospitals.

Honestly, @Satinthedarkwithlight, I think he needs to start doing the picking up from nursery too.

So you have the opportunity to stay late if need be just like he has (then you can chose if you want to ).
I’m finding very often the ‘taken for granted’ approach happens when said man has no experience at all of being impeded in his all important work and therefore refuses to see how it’s a livid edge when you are a parent.

And yes btw, regardless of work, no work etc… it’s rude not to let you know he is finishing late.

Maybe he's just really obsorbed in his work? You know il do one more email just one more this ect trying to finish as much as he can and doesn't realise the time?
Also why don't you remind him? Poke him and say do you realise the time?

@Worldwide2

Maybe he's just really obsorbed in his work? You know il do one more email just one more this ect trying to finish as much as he can and doesn't realise the time? Also why don't you remind him? Poke him and say do you realise the time?

What would have happened if I got really absorbed in sending just one more email?

@TwinsandTrifle

If I’d just decided I was staying at work until 7, SS would have been called.

Is this for real? He hasn't "stayed at work" he's working from home, essentially 6ft away from you. Grow up. You can ask him the question instead of this bizarre "I've come on here to seethe instead" because he hasn't volunteered what time he's working until? Why are you acting like neither of you can speak a word to each other when he's right there?

Err…. Yes her DH stayed at work in that he was working and unavailable for family life. Whether it was from an office or the living room doesn’t matter. (Actually probably makes it worse tbh) The important thing is that he wasn’t available.

Unless you are suggesting that, because he was wfh, the OP should just have handed him the baby whilst he was working? I mean how many mothers have been doing that in the last 20 months. I’m sure that wouldn’t have been ok too!

Yeah he's a twat. Doesn't take much to just shout through and say sorry, having to work late etc

I wouldn’t bother responding to TwinsAndTrifle. As they like to say it is always twins.

Oh come off it OP. Your first post made it sound as though you've been stuck at home all day being driven insane with a fractious non-napping 10mo and your DP was still in the office miles away, with you having no idea when he'd be even leaving work, let alone getting home. I think most of us could understand the frustration in that scenario, when you are literally counting down the minutes to just go to the loo in peace, or are at the end of your tether because today started at half five this morning, and it HAS NOT FUCKING STOPPED since.

The reality is that you'd had about 90 minutes with your DC, and your DP is in the next room, but you'd rather whinge on here instead of sticking your head round the door and saying 'When are you going to be done?'

Do you not eat together?
Do you take turns in bedtime
This does seem like the straw

Yes, I had about ninety minutes with my child AFTER dropping him off, doing a full days work, picking him up, then stuck in the front room with an increasingly fractious child with no communication at all.

Not fun.

It is not a straw at all. It is simply what happened.

It seems really strange to me that he'd need to let you know that he's working late when he's sat right there so you can see it for yourself. If you want him to stop, which is perfectly reasonable, then why don't you just go in and ask him to? or tell him to.

You want him to want to do it off his own back but to be honest a lot of people find babies really hard work and if they could get away with sitting on a laptop while someone else deals with it then they probably would. He knows you're there with the baby so why would he need to go and see him if he's squawking? You need to put your foot down and make him step up because the longer you allow this to go on for the more resentful you're going to get.

@Satinthedarkwithlight
I meant do you feel is this the straw that broke the camels back,
Because no one ever gets this upset about a one off.
Really no need to get narky with people who are actually trying to help you

Yes, I know what you meant, but it isn’t.it is simply what happened.

no one ever gets this upset about a one off

Don’t they

No op. They don’t

*namechange30455

Can you not just go in and talk to him if he's WFH?*

*HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend

Yabu, because you could have just asked your husband instead of starting a MN thread...*

• Loveshelly

Really odd that you wouldn’t pop in. Or vice versa. just have a normal grown up chat*

*Chloemol

Stop being so childish. He’s in the next room, go and speak to him*

*Aquamarine1029

Your relationship is in very, very deep trouble. FGS, the two of you, yes, both of you, are seemingly incapable of communicating like adults. He's right there, tell him what you need, expect, etc.*

And these are just a few from the first page only. All saying identical to each other and myself. Same runs in majority throughout whole thread.

Yes sweetpea, it's "just me"

OP - it seems your main issue is that your husband gets to just decide to work late and you can’t when also busy. I think you need to split the pickups so you get to work through if you need to as well. Is a later pickup from nursery possible to given you both more breathing space?

And if it’s a one off and you’re this pissed off, then yes
Get a fucking grip and stop acting like a teenager. HTH

You’re not the only arsehole on MN Twins, I’m well aware of that.

loveShelly at the risk of sounding like a tit, you don’t get to tell me what I do and don’t get upset about.

To my knowledge most teenagers don’t do a full day at work and then solely parent a child too. Note I said ‘most.’ I am aware some nineteen year olds will be city bankers in London and come home and be single parents to triplets, but most don’t.

I am pissed off. I have been treated as if I do not matter and that it hurtful. It doesn’t mean it is worth doing anything about it.

Loveshellly Wasn't a case of my husband thought i was worthless, he was in the R.A.F they had to get the aircraft away due to a storm and he wasn't allowed home. This was the days before mobiles and most MQs didn't landlines. The OP is having a strop because she has had to look after her child.

Do you mean, I'm participating with the same opinion as the majority PP on a thread where the OP (was it you again on whatever thread you're on about?) is getting their proverbial handed to them. But I'm glad for whatever reason you remember me, as alas, no idea who you are, OP.

@Satinthedarkwithlight

Yes, I know what you meant, but it isn’t.it is simply what happened.

no one ever gets this upset about a one off

Don’t they

No, they don't.

And you've gone from "this is an annoying thing he's doing tonight" to "he doesn't care about us and any attempt to discuss it will become a huge confrontation" (I'm paraphrasing).

Now you're suggesting it's a one off.

The question I'm wondering now is why you are in such denial. You're obviously angry and upset but every time someone acknowledges this, you downplay it. Then when someone says it's not a big deal, you're angry.

Why, exactly, are you unable to own and express your feelings on this and would prefer to "seethe" secretly or change your mind constantly about it? What is going on? What are you worried about?

You’re hard work. On here and I imagine in real life.
Good luck.
The hard parts of parenting jointly haven’t even begun.

I was actually sticking up for you. If that’s why you do to people who are trying to be helpful and kind, then you will struggle in life.