To get really fucked off when DP does this?

[Satinthedarkwithlight]

He is working late and has not bothered to let me know. Normally finishes between 5-530 and it is 630 and I am sat with an increasingly fractious ten and a half month old.

AIBU to think it’s common courtesy to communicate?

@Satinthedarkwithlight

I don’t think he’s trying to get out of childcare as such but I do think he’s taking it for granted that I’ll do everything and I am because I am being given no choice.

It is one thing to work late. ‘I’m so sorry I am having to do X, I should be done by 730’ is fine. Sitting there just merrily ignoring your partner and child is not.

Imagine if we both decided we were going to work until 715 (yes he has gone back. No I’m not going to talk to him because I am both annoyed and exhausted and these conversations aren’t good then.)

So talk to him about it!

I was with you until you said he is in the dining room! Just talk to him

Go to your dining room , leave DC there with his other parent,

@tiggerwhocamefortea nightmare ffs! She sounds tired and bloody stressed. Would you ignore your child if you were avoiding the parent? You sound a right nasty cow, does it mean you are one?

Oops, sorry, meant his/her parent.

@Satinthedarkwithlight

Or just seethe.

Grow up

I agree we should talk about it but when I’m absolutely exhausted and grumpy and he’s in the middle of work and we have a shouting baby - nightmare or not I’m sure people recognise that’s perhaps not the best time.

And tbh I doubt anything will change even when talking. He probably takes the same line others do - he’s right there. It’s not the point but maybe it is. I feel like I don’t even know my own self at this stage.

@Satinthedarkwithlight

I could but I am going to seethe on here instead

In all seriousness he can hear DS shouting and grizzling so he’s evidently decided work is more important

Personally when WFH I shut all the surrounding sound out, he honestly may not have noticed.

I would like to think he has noticed the pitch black of outside though (plus I think ds would have woken the dead five minutes ago!)

@Satinthedarkwithlight

And tbh I doubt anything will change even when talking. He probably takes the same line others do - he’s right there. It’s not the point but maybe it is. I feel like I don’t even know my own self at this stage.

Well why not try talking to him so you can at least find out how he responds?

Why don't you want to talk to him about what's upsetting you?

I mean, he can't really help it if he's in the middle of something important?

Tbh @DrSbaitso while I may have tried to maintain some good humour I meant it. I’m shattered, ds is really tugging on my nerves and I do have work to do myself. So im not going to bother talking to him about it tonight. According to some of you I am unreasonable anyway because DP is the one working.

I was in the middle of something important today too. Would nursery have understood this?

There's no point bothering really. Mine once came in at 1.30. He actually kind of hated himself for it, though, and ended up quitting the job not long after, given that it had obviously turned him into the sort of person that stayed until 1.30 because the boss "needed something else." the sodding boss then kept ringing, as well.

In the same house, you can either tell him to wrap it up, or don't, but you're not the first woman to find her partner prefers work to spending any time with their family, nor will you be the first to hear his whiny excuses that he's "doing it all for you" and "you're the one who demanded I work my fingers to the bone" (and we all go - you what mate?) and "I paid for all this, all this house, and now you betray me, waaaa..."

Every second seems like an hour with a 10 month old so yadnbu

Sometimes people have to work late. It's not always possible to just stop. I never really know when dp is coming in.

it’s not always possible to just stop

I have to.

I didn’t mean talk right now,
But you 100% need to talk.
Because he’s just avoiding the shit bits of life and it’s not fair

@Satinthedarkwithlight

How do you know if he’s not told you

Because he’s sat in the dining room on his laptop

And I want to strangle him with its cord!

Very well put, OP. 😂

@IShoveLula

Go to your dining room , leave DC there with his other parent,

What while he's working? Do people actually do this to their partners. He could be in the middle of something that can't wait, OP isn't actually doing anything.

op isn’t actually doing anything

@Satinthedarkwithlight

Tbh *@DrSbaitso* while I may have tried to maintain some good humour I meant it. I’m shattered, ds is really tugging on my nerves and I do have work to do myself. So im not going to bother talking to him about it tonight. According to some of you I am unreasonable anyway because DP is the one working.

It was obvious from the start that you meant it.

I haven't said anything about him "being the one working". I just think you should try talking to him about it before too much time passes. If you don't, he'll be able to claim legitimately that he had no idea you were upset and nothing will change.

Why don't you want to talk to him about it?

I’ve answered that, I don’t think when I’m tired and he’s working and the baby is shouting is a good or sensible time to raise it. Anyway, he’d claim that regardless.

So talk to him after the baby is asleep. What would he claim?