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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

999 replies

Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:44

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

OP posts:
AndOtherStories · 06/10/2021 16:46

So long as he still has them and they get fed it seems like a reasonable course of action to me.

MaryMcCarthy · 06/10/2021 16:46

Have the other two been in close proximity to the one who's positive?

In which case it's common sense isn't it?

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:47

@AndOtherStories

So long as he still has them and they get fed it seems like a reasonable course of action to me.
That's another thing, there is no dinner now they're not going to his so he wants them to eat here when they get home.
OP posts:
Lindaloo08 · 06/10/2021 16:48

She's about to have a baby so I would think caution is needed and YABU. He didn't cancel, he just adjusted.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:48

@MaryMcCarthy

Have the other two been in close proximity to the one who's positive?

In which case it's common sense isn't it?

They live together so of course, it's unavoidable. There's nothing to indicate that it's covid though there aren't covid symptoms.
OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 06/10/2021 16:49

They are still seeing him, just not inside the house.

When one kid has a vomiting bug chances are the others will soon follow - I wouldn’t want to risk getting sick just before major surgery either.

Seems sensible to me.

FizzyPink · 06/10/2021 16:49

Even if I wasn’t about to have a baby, I wouldn’t want anyone visiting from a household with a sickness bug if I’m honest.
The kids still spent time with their dad, I’m not sure what the issue is

CrocodilesCry · 06/10/2021 16:50

Yabu - sorry but she’s having a caesarean and she doesn’t need the worry of picking up a bug.

scammedmum29 · 06/10/2021 16:50

They are being sensible

Rinoachicken · 06/10/2021 16:50

I don’t see that this is about Covid specifically - they just don’t want a vomiting bug in the house in the days before she has a caesarean?

nokidshere · 06/10/2021 16:50

Well you can't really blame a woman who is 9 months pregnant and about to go into a high risk op in a risky pandemic for being overly careful.

Tell dh to feed them or accept that he's not. He's still seeing them so it seems reasonable to me.

AndOtherStories · 06/10/2021 16:50

He does need to arrange to feed them if that was the arrangement IMO

12345once · 06/10/2021 16:51

YABU

He didn't cancel he just re arranged. it's still so strict in labour wards and she could still risk not being allowed him with her for her C section . It may seem over cautious but I feel like you need to make some allowances as she is so close to her date

PurpleDaisies · 06/10/2021 16:51

It would be nuts to risk getting a bug just before having a new baby.

He still saw them.

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 16:51

She's about to have major surgery so it makes sense for her to stay away from someone who has been in close contact with someone with a vomiting bug. Otherwise the whole ward could end up with it.

Choconuttolata · 06/10/2021 16:52

YABU, if the poorly child has Covid (gastro symptoms more common in children) or even D&V there is a risk of infecting a heavily pregnant woman who is more at risk of complications from either.

Also this may impact on the planned c section date if she is infected, which also creates potential childcare issues if already prearranged. The kids are still seeing their Dad. It won't be every week, but these are not usual times so it is important to try and be flexible and understanding.

IVFdreams2021 · 06/10/2021 16:52

YABU

She has to be careful and even more so with COVID.

Orangejuicemarathoner · 06/10/2021 16:52

He is being very sensible.

I think you were being unreasonable to send them at all, tbh.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:52

The kids still spent time with their dad, I’m not sure what the issue is

My issue is they were looking forward to going there for their tea and seeing their half sibling but now have been effectively banned from the house. What sort of message is that sending them at a time of upheaval when they already have to deal with the fact there's going to be another child on the scene who lives with dad full time?

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities.

OP posts:
lynntheyresexpeople · 06/10/2021 16:52

Sorry you're being completely unreasonable.
I wouldn't want anyone with a sickness bug near me when I was 9 months pregnant and due for a section!
It's common sense that they could pass it on to their dad or his partner. He still saw them, outdoors and was sensible. Didn't let the children down, and was respectful to his DP. Sounds pretty spot on to me.
Your feelings about your ex and his DP are massively clouding your judgement.

BurntO · 06/10/2021 16:52

YABVU. Why expose a heavily pregnant woman to a sickness bug? He’s being very sensible. What difference is it to you?

VimFuego101 · 06/10/2021 16:52

Seems sensible to me and he still saw them rather than cancelling.

SuperstarDog · 06/10/2021 16:53

I think it’s sensible under the circumstances. If she wasn’t due to have a c section soon then it would be madness but the fact that she is changes things massively. It would be awful for her if she got ill at the moment.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:53

@AndOtherStories

He does need to arrange to feed them if that was the arrangement IMO
Exactly, but he isn't. It's no house = no dinner today.
OP posts:
Orangejuicemarathoner · 06/10/2021 16:53

@Zoflorananana

The kids still spent time with their dad, I’m not sure what the issue is

My issue is they were looking forward to going there for their tea and seeing their half sibling but now have been effectively banned from the house. What sort of message is that sending them at a time of upheaval when they already have to deal with the fact there's going to be another child on the scene who lives with dad full time?

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities.

It sends them the message that if you have been in contact with a infectious illness then you need to act in a considerate and responsible manner
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