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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

999 replies

Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:44

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

OP posts:
lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 06/10/2021 16:53

You are the one being UR. In this circumstance it is sensible. Give the bew partner a break, shes about to give birth🙄

Orangejuicemarathoner · 06/10/2021 16:54

you are the person who is "spinning" it to the kids being low on his priorities. They wont think so unless you make them think so

Crazycrazylady · 06/10/2021 16:54

Op
Honestly you're not coming across well here.. seems very sensible to most reasonable people 🤷🏻

lynntheyresexpeople · 06/10/2021 16:54

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities*

No - that's you over reacting. It's quite manipulative actually. Don't try and use that against him for Christ sake. You're being utterly ridiculous.

BurntO · 06/10/2021 16:55

OP if you’d given him more notice he may well have been able to arrange something with their half sibling. If I was him I’d be really pissed off at you

LaikO · 06/10/2021 16:55

YABVU, he still took them, just amended their plans. It's common sense not to have them indoors near his partner, especially if she's due a C section soon... Why on earth would she want to risk having a sickness bug at this time?!

lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 06/10/2021 16:55

He should feed them if at all possible though

Angel2702 · 06/10/2021 16:55

I would not want a sick bug in my house if it was avoidable.

About to go into hospital for major surgery I would certainly be avoiding any known cases of illnesses. Sickness bug is grim at the best of times.

Rinoachicken · 06/10/2021 16:55

WTF? That is MASSIVELY projecting and totally unreasonable.

They haven’t been ‘banned’ from his house FFS, their sibling has a sickness bug and she’s about to have major surgery, it’s a perfectly reasonable able and sensible precaution and is a one off.

But you carry on about priorities, and banning, and other siblings being there all the time etc if you want to make your kids feel needlessly shit about themselves over a complete none issue.

I think this is about YOU and how YOU feel about your ex having another baby.

SuperstarDog · 06/10/2021 16:56

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities.

It really doesn’t. It shows that he’s still seeing his children but also caring about his heavily pregnant partner.

SoupDragon · 06/10/2021 16:56

I think it's very sensible given she's about to have a baby by c-section. My ex has gone on to have a second family and I can't see a problem with this level of caution.

Sirzy · 06/10/2021 16:58

He still spent time with them and I think given the circumstances minimising contact makes sense

44PumpLane · 06/10/2021 16:59

If its the feeding you're annoyed about ask him to take them for a McD's (or similar) or tell him to pick up a pizza on the way back to yours so you don't have to arrange the food.

The rest is reasonable though, he's still seeing them but taking appropriate precautions given his wife is about to have a c section.... I wouldn't want to chance bringing an illness into the home if I could avoid it either.

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 17:00

My issue is they were looking forward to going there for their tea and seeing their half sibling but now have been effectively banned from the house. they'll live with the disappointment if you don't make a massive thing out of it. They saw their dad, that's what contact is for.

What sort of message is that sending them at a time of upheaval when they already have to deal with the fact there's going to be another child on the scene who lives with dad full time? that in a family sometimes we all have to give and take and be flexible. At this moment in time it is time to protect their vulnerable family member and they still get to see their dad.

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities this is disgusting. No one ranks their families in order of priority. People take priority when they are in need of priority.

Idontlike · 06/10/2021 17:00

@Zoflorananana

The kids still spent time with their dad, I’m not sure what the issue is

My issue is they were looking forward to going there for their tea and seeing their half sibling but now have been effectively banned from the house. What sort of message is that sending them at a time of upheaval when they already have to deal with the fact there's going to be another child on the scene who lives with dad full time?

It just shows me where they are on his list of priorities.

Total overreaction. If they get this message it will be from you

In your shoes I would have messaged and said “X is ill, are you sure you want the other two to come? “ what with them already having DC & his DP due soon.

YABVVU.

SoupDragon · 06/10/2021 17:00

I've had to magic up dinner at short notice on many occasions for a variety of reasons. It happens.

I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine

Did you really not tell him until he was on his way??

ILiedAboutBeingTheOutdoorType · 06/10/2021 17:00

Seems an entirely sensible decision for someone about to have major surgery to try to avoid getting a sickness bug. The kids get to have a nice time at the park with their dad. YABVU.

Rinoachicken · 06/10/2021 17:00

And yes to the PP who said giving him more notice would had been helpful re him needing to sort out a place to feed them. If you had let him know sooner (rather than waiting until he was on his way) he could have booked somewhere or something.

laurenlodge · 06/10/2021 17:00

Hang on though, what would he have done if the kids were with him full time?! People about to have C-sections wouldn't ban their own kids from the house...

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 17:00

@44PumpLane good idea, ask him to buy them a pizza or something.

SoupDragon · 06/10/2021 17:01

@laurenlodge

Hang on though, what would he have done if the kids were with him full time?! People about to have C-sections wouldn't ban their own kids from the house...
But they aren't so it is irrelevant.
WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 17:01

@laurenlodge

Hang on though, what would he have done if the kids were with him full time?! People about to have C-sections wouldn't ban their own kids from the house...
He doesn’t though. One of the perks of having too families is that there is the possibility of stopping some of them getting ill. See also Covid.
doodleygirl · 06/10/2021 17:02

Yabvu and rather mean.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 06/10/2021 17:02

My 10 year old had a sickness bug recently, it ended up going through all 4 of us in the end

If I was you I'd have rang him and said it would be better to cancel this week with his partner due to have a c section . I wouldnr want to risk passing it to their household

arethereanyleftatall · 06/10/2021 17:02

Someone is 'being bloody ridiculous', yes. Amd it isn't them.
Awesome idea that he took them to the park to play football, great parenting as he is considering all of his five children.

'They were looking forward to having tea' Christ on a bike. I'm sure they'll struggle through.

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