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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DC can't go to their dad's because ONE of them is ill...

999 replies

Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 16:44

3 DC with ex who has gone on to have a second family. His partner is in her ninth month of pregnancy with their 2nd and due to have a cesarian but, in my opinion, being bloody ridiculous.

DC were due to go round for their dinner today. I let ex know when he was on his way to collect them that one wouldn't be coming as he's ill with a sick virus but the other two are fine.

He picks up the two who are fine and off they go with no problems. 15 minutes later I get a phone call from him saying there's been a change of plan, he's going to take them to play football in the park instead as with DC3 being ill he doesn't want to risk household to household transmission and DC1 and DC2 could be asymptomatic with what DC3 has or just not showing symptoms yet and his DP is due to have a cesarian.

They are absolutely fine and have been to school, no problems.

I know his DP is behind the change of plan because this isn't something he would ever care about and I have told him as much. Kids get ill it's a fact of life and you can't wrap somebody in cotton wool or ban them all from their supposed second home just because ONE isn't well.

AIBU to be royally pissed off?

OP posts:
MajorCarolDanvers · 06/10/2021 17:28

She is 9 months pregnant - who wants to get a sickness bug when they are about to give birth.

YABVU

AlexaShutUp · 06/10/2021 17:28

What if she caught it and was I’ll during her recovery and spread it round the ward?

Well, yes, quite. Even if you can't stand her and don't care if she gets ill, what about all of the other pregnant women on the ward, the medical personnel etc?

And how bad are your kids going to feel if they pass on a bug that causes major problems for their dad's partner and/or their new baby sibling? You should never have put them in that position.

Sparkletastic · 06/10/2021 17:28

Wouldn't choose this hill to die on if I were you.

Antinerak · 06/10/2021 17:29

I wouldn't even risk passing a common cold on to someone who was 9 months pregnant. Get over your issues with his new family!

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 17:29

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme

I was with him until he hadn't fed them.

I get him wanted to avoid contact with his partner but to just take them to the park instead of actually spending time with them and feeding them/having them for the evening he might as well have brought them home. The weather has been miserable and if one of them was coming down with the virus being on the park in the wind/rain/cold won't have done them much good.

Why couldn't they have gone to McDonalds or Harvester/Toby Carvery on the way home?

Thank you!

Why he couldn't have taken them for food elsewhere I don't know, unless he's spent all his money which wouldn't be out of character for him.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 06/10/2021 17:30

She is just about to have a baby. Of course she is allowed to be cautious.

SeasonFinale · 06/10/2021 17:30

So much for sisterhood. His DP is 9 months pregnant and having a planned c section but whatever!

christinarossetti19 · 06/10/2021 17:30

I agree. I think the change of plans was fair enough, but not okay not to feed them.

44PumpLane · 06/10/2021 17:31

tintodeverano2

Why can't you feed your own children?

Now I do think the OP is being unreasonable, but I imagine she does feed her own children, probably most nights!! The point is she was expecting not not feed them tonight and it's reasonable to be annoyed that now she may have to feed them tonight..... Even though I disagree with all the rest of it this comment feels ridiculous!

JustLyra · 06/10/2021 17:31

YANBU for being annoyed that he hasn’t fed them.

YABVU for being annoyed that he hasn’t taken them to his house.

It’s hardly shitty on her part at 9 months pregnant and about to have a c-section to want to avoid contact with children who’ve been in contact with a bug. It’s just common sense.

WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 17:31

Why couldn't they have gone to McDonalds or Harvester/Toby Carvery on the way home? because they might vomit on the salad cart?

butterpuffed · 06/10/2021 17:31

Another OP who only replies to the very few who agree with her, so I can't see the point of her thread Hmm

Upsielazy · 06/10/2021 17:32

Goodness is this for real? He should have got them some food, but surely its pretty standard for people in a household with someone heavily pregnant to try and reduce the risk of bringing a sickness bug into the house Confused. You're being very dramatic with all of this about upheaval, surely he'd explain to them that as sibling is poorly they need to be careful. Do you have unresolved issues re her pregnancy per chance?

44PumpLane · 06/10/2021 17:33

@butterpuffed I was just thinking the same thing!

Doistayordoigodilemma · 06/10/2021 17:33

They are being sensible, I’m sorry you’re very selfish.

Theunamedcat · 06/10/2021 17:33

So what would she do with her own children shove them in a garden feed them with a slingshot when they are ill?

Its setting a precedent that his children come lower than hers there is no reason for sick bugs to spread ive had three children in my house one got sick the other two didn't its called cleaning

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 17:33

@WeepySheepy

Why couldn't they have gone to McDonalds or Harvester/Toby Carvery on the way home? because they might vomit on the salad cart?
The two he took out aren't ill. They haven't vomited at all. They've been to school, no issues, no upset stomach or sickness.
OP posts:
Dixiechickonhols · 06/10/2021 17:34

I think sensible but should have fed them (MacDonalds etc)

In4mation · 06/10/2021 17:34

You are being totally unreasonable to resent this, but he should feed them, even if it’s only a Mac Donald’s. Tell him to feed them.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 06/10/2021 17:34

You're being very unreasonable and coming across pretty badly. I can't be bothered adding anything except that I agree with what the majority of other posters are telling you.

Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 17:35

@Theunamedcat

So what would she do with her own children shove them in a garden feed them with a slingshot when they are ill?

Its setting a precedent that his children come lower than hers there is no reason for sick bugs to spread ive had three children in my house one got sick the other two didn't its called cleaning

Yep precisely, only one is ill and I've been cleaning more often as most do when there's a sick child in the house. It wouldn't be in my interest for the other two to catch it either.
OP posts:
WeepySheepy · 06/10/2021 17:35

They aren't ill...yet. that's the point. They could be carrying it. I agree he should have bought them some food i just don't think dining in while potentially carrying a vomiting bug is the best idea.

Skinnymuffins · 06/10/2021 17:36

@Theunamedcat

So what would she do with her own children shove them in a garden feed them with a slingshot when they are ill?

Its setting a precedent that his children come lower than hers there is no reason for sick bugs to spread ive had three children in my house one got sick the other two didn't its called cleaning

Why risk it though?! She's 9 months pregnant! All he's done is not take the kids back to his, in fact he's sacrificed time with everyone to make sure he's still got time for his other two. Today, he CHOSE HIS TWO KIDS! He could have brought them straight back but he didn't. Honestly.

This guy sounds like he can do no right by you op. Sorry, but he chose your kids today as well as the safety of his unborn child. A balancing act a lot of dads could learn from.

AwaAnBileYerHeid · 06/10/2021 17:37

@Theunamedcat

So what would she do with her own children shove them in a garden feed them with a slingshot when they are ill?

Its setting a precedent that his children come lower than hers there is no reason for sick bugs to spread ive had three children in my house one got sick the other two didn't its called cleaning

There is a glaringly obvious difference here. If it were her own kids, then presumably they would live there, so she can't exactly kick them out onto the street for a few days. These kids don't live there, so for this contact, are being taken to the park instead of to the house. Completely different and you can't compare the two.
Original poster
Zoflorananana · 06/10/2021 17:37

Ok then I can see the majority think I'm being unreasonable. I'll take that. It's just frustrating when you do 90% of the parenting for the NRP to then be able to opt out of any actual parenting because he's chosen to create more children and use them as an excuse.

OP posts:
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