School aren't helping with morning routine

[Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower]

My dd has always been anxious. Since starting back at school she has had serious meltdowns every morning, crying for up to forty minutes, shaking walking to school. At her age this behaviour is quite unusual, especially as she was better (1-2 meltdowns at drop off per week) in previous years. I feel it's sensory, as she is perfectly happy walking to school and excited to see friends but seizes up and bolts for the gate as soon as she gets in the playground. It's quite different from last year (covid) as all the kids are in the playground together as well as all the parents, dogs, teachers etc and she just can't tolerate the noise, chaos of it.
School have offered a breakfast club so she can avoid this. There's not a breakfast club currently apart from for kids with additional needs and low income families, so there's about six kids who attend in the whole school. My dd went yesterday and loved it, the school said she was calm and ready to join the class at lesson time. However, they can not accommodate my ds who is also at school. So if my dd goes I then have a 45 minute wait with him, not enough time to go home, no park local and it's cold and wet. I feel this is really unfair and might impact on his feelings about school, as he has to leave home earlier and will have a long wait before starting.
Can I push this and should I as he does not fit the criteria?

But if siblings go that adds another 7 kids, none of whom fit the criteria and then it’s not the calm and helpful atmosphere your daughter needs.

This is a proper situation where you cannot have it both ways I’m afraid.

Forgot to say school are also not willing to recommend any SENco support at the moment and I don't know whether to look into getting on the waiting list for a diagnosis yet or not. I feel so clueless about all of this.

yabu - your dd has an additional need, your ds does not. It is really very difficult logistically but that club is not for all the children, and you need to work around that.

@PotteringAlong I agree but what am I supposed to do? I have two children.

Why does she have to go 45 minutes early? Could it be for a smaller amount of time so you don’t have to wait for so long.

They are doing you a favour having your DD in early. You are wrong to expect them to take your DS too.

Your title is unfair. School are helping your daughter, and have offered a solution that seems to be working, and I suspect they're offering it free of charge. I'm sorry your finding it tricky as DS can't go, but if they open it up to him they'll have to open it up to everyone. Which then defeats the purpose of a calm environment, and your DD will once again be struggling with the transition into school.

YABU, would g everyone who has siblings at the school have the same problem? If they offer your DS a place they would have to do it for all siblings and then there would be too many people.

[quote Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower]@PotteringAlong I agree but what am I supposed to do? I have two children. [/quote]
You have to do what all parents have to do which is juggle the competing needs of your children

Some people have five or six children... I knew someone with five children, one of whom had additional needs, it was very complicated.

The school are helping your dd.

Take the slot her your dd. She sounds like she needs it.

You and ds kit up in the waterproofs and walk around. Isnt there a cafe or library or leisure centre or something nearby you can hang out in for a bit?

Can you organize with DH or another relative/school mate mom?

My mother was bringing my brother to school and she was leaving me at a school mate place, then his mom was bringing both to school

You say the school isn't offering SEND support this is SEND support if the breakfast club has been set up to cater for children with additional needs! And it's a very effective provision for your dd, targeting the exact time her anxiety hits and mitigating it.
It's not the school's problem that your ds doesn't also have SEND

And yes the school is helping with morning routine, they’ve offered a solution for your dd.

I think you can keep asking, but they're very much not being unreasonable about your son. They've gone the extra mile to support your daughter. Make a big deal of your son and how it is extra quality time with you. Could you ask if there's somewhere for you to sit with him eg. Office on rainy days?

As for the bigger picture, I would suggest a GP appointment to explore possible diagnoses. Something is definitely going on.

About SENCo support, that sound odd. Is she on the SEN register? Does she have any needs other than this?

Does she have to go for 45 minutes. Would 15 do?

I think school is being unreasonable.
If all the pupils have siblings then they could open up a separate room for the siblings, even if all they do is sit and read. Not reasonable to ask them to hang around in cold/rain for 45mins.

Have you tried arriving later, so just when the bell rings to go in, or 5 mins after that if permitted?

I think the school is helping here withbyour dds need. Your ds hasn't got a need you do. ( not wanting to wait 45 mins) i would find it annoying and irritating however can you look at that time as ds and mum time? Read together? Have special breakfast together if you drive sit in the car and tell jokes. Sit in the car and listen to podcasts together . Bonding and 1 on 1 time bfor ds

How do you get to school? Walk or drive?

[quote Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower]@PotteringAlong I agree but what am I supposed to do? I have two children. [/quote]
YABU. I'm sure you are no the only person that uses the breakfast club that has more than 1 child. Do you drive to school? If so can you sit in the car for 45 mins and take some games/books to keep your other child occupied before school starts?

It actually sounds like they are being incredibly flexible in offering her the chance to go to a breakfast club.

I appreciate its tricky when you also have DS but I'd be doing anything to ensure she could attend the club even if that meant you and your DS had to find a local cafe for a drink or sit in the car allowing him to play on a tablet etc.

Is there a childminder you can leave your DS with? Is it possible for your DD to have less time at the club so you are not hanging around so long?

Can your DD go to breakfast club for the last 15 minutes, instead of the whole thing?

Go to your GP for a referral for your daughter.

Could you and your son cycle or scoot home. 45 minutes is a long wait, but it would be completely inappropriate to make a fuss and insist on a breakfast club place for him. Your title, implying that they are not helping is a bit unfair to be honest, it sounds like they are helping the child who needs help.

No I don't drive to school, I particularly chose a school I could walk to work from afterwards so I wouldn't have to drive.

Waterproof up and wait it out. The school have absolutely done the right thing