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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School aren't helping with morning routine

316 replies

Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower · 05/10/2021 07:23

My dd has always been anxious. Since starting back at school she has had serious meltdowns every morning, crying for up to forty minutes, shaking walking to school. At her age this behaviour is quite unusual, especially as she was better (1-2 meltdowns at drop off per week) in previous years. I feel it's sensory, as she is perfectly happy walking to school and excited to see friends but seizes up and bolts for the gate as soon as she gets in the playground. It's quite different from last year (covid) as all the kids are in the playground together as well as all the parents, dogs, teachers etc and she just can't tolerate the noise, chaos of it.
School have offered a breakfast club so she can avoid this. There's not a breakfast club currently apart from for kids with additional needs and low income families, so there's about six kids who attend in the whole school. My dd went yesterday and loved it, the school said she was calm and ready to join the class at lesson time. However, they can not accommodate my ds who is also at school. So if my dd goes I then have a 45 minute wait with him, not enough time to go home, no park local and it's cold and wet. I feel this is really unfair and might impact on his feelings about school, as he has to leave home earlier and will have a long wait before starting.
Can I push this and should I as he does not fit the criteria?

OP posts:
FuckingFlumps · 05/10/2021 07:36

@Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower

No I don't drive to school, I particularly chose a school I could walk to work from afterwards so I wouldn't have to drive.
So how far is the walk? Surely you pass a cafe or something that would be a compromise over walking home and then back to school?
Magicalwoodlands · 05/10/2021 07:37

I think the school are being very unreasonable. If the aim is to help, then by offering this, they are not really helping.

SnowWhitesSM · 05/10/2021 07:38

Could you drop dd and then go to a Costa drive through with ds and have breakfast? Then you won't have to worry about breakfast for either.

Stilltalkstotrees · 05/10/2021 07:38

@Dahliadelight

Why does she have to go 45 minutes early? Could it be for a smaller amount of time so you don’t have to wait for so long.

This was my thought too.

Fireflygal · 05/10/2021 07:38

YABVU, you haven't explored any solutions and just expect the school to deal with your family situation. Given all the pressures school have to deal with post pandemic you seem to have signifcant entitlement.

I really feel for schools, they try to help but there is always some demanding unreasonable parents.

Regarding SEN, raise a separate post to get advice.

FuckingFlumps · 05/10/2021 07:39

@Magicalwoodlands

I think the school are being very unreasonable. If the aim is to help, then by offering this, they are not really helping.
Of course they are helping. Confused They are offering a presumably free service using staff who would be doing other duties to support the OPs child.

The help is targeted at the child and what works best for them not what works best for the parent.

Whinge · 05/10/2021 07:39

@Magicalwoodlands

I think the school are being very unreasonable. If the aim is to help, then by offering this, they are not really helping.
They're helping the children who need the help. It's unfortunate that OPs DS can't go, but the breakfast club is helping her DD, and if it's anything like our school then it's probably being offered for free as well.
WhereIsMumHiding3 · 05/10/2021 07:40

Your DD is being catered for by breakfast club

Your DS doesn't need it as he doesn't meet criteria.

Appreciate 45 mins is long to hang around for you but yet need to - that's what you do- or you ask someone else to drop your son off .

I see many people early half hour at the school gate. Once everyone else starts arriving the year 2s and above chat with their friends

Also you have no diagnosis? Time to get her on waiting list for assessment

toomuchlaundry · 05/10/2021 07:40

How old are the DC?

Lazypuppy · 05/10/2021 07:41

There must be a cafe or something you can go in and have breakfast with your son?

2Two · 05/10/2021 07:41

Not the main point, but ask your doctor to refer your daughter for an occupational therapy assessment by a therapist with qualifications in sensory needs. They may well be able to advise on strategies to help with sensory issues.

WaltzingBetty · 05/10/2021 07:41

Why does she have to be there 45 mins early?

PheasantsNest · 05/10/2021 07:42

Where are all these magical cafés? There's nothing like that round here and we are an inner city area.

Flossieskeeper · 05/10/2021 07:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TeenMinusTests · 05/10/2021 07:42

So everyone who thinks this is OK:
You'd be happy for one of your DC to have to wait around for 45 mins in the cold / rain every day before school?
Maybe give it a go for a couple of weeks and then come back.

To my view, given the school run a breakfast club for certain pupils/families with additional needs, they should sensibly include siblings. It assists the whole family, including both the DC at the school.

Original poster
Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower · 05/10/2021 07:43

Sorry I should add that it is absolutely not my motive to bully school into offering ds a place. I just hoped that they would offer a solution such as that she would get to go in through a quieter entrance or something.
Now they've told her about breakfast club I feel awful by saying I can't make it work.
The school have been amazing but I'm very aware that my son is also a pupil there and I'm supposed to be setting him up for a full day of learning. I'm not sure if his teacher would feel I was doing that if he has had to wait in the rain for 45 minutes prior to school starting.
I can't afford a cafe trip every day and no other parent lives locally. There is a paying breakfast club at the end of our road but it's £5 a day and I can't justify that, plus he would have less time at home in the mornings. I just don't want to ruin school for him as he quite likes it so far (he's in reception).

OP posts:
NovemberWitch · 05/10/2021 07:43

Have you tried out ear defenders with your daughter?
It’d reduce the aural sensory overload.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 05/10/2021 07:44

Agree with the others who say to take her a bit later so she’s only going for 15-20 minutes and it’s not as much waiting for your DS.

CarpeVitam · 05/10/2021 07:45

But the school ARE helping! Confused. Tbh, you sound ungrateful and somewhat entitled OP.

skahan · 05/10/2021 07:45

If they allow your DS to go to every other child in the breakfast club could have multiple siblings wanting a place as well. Then it just becomes a general breakfast club and other parents will be thinking hang on why can't my child go as well. My primary has a breakfast club for everyone, it has over 60 kids attend in a morning. That situation wouldn't help your daughter at all. What about the other children who are already in the breakfast club and also needing the quiet start to school. Why is your inconvenience of a 45 minute wait more important than the adjustment that has been made by the school to support those pupils with SEND appropriately?

Fluffypastelslippers · 05/10/2021 07:46

Sorry I should add that it is absolutely not my motive to bully school into offering ds a place. I just hoped that they would offer a solution such as that she would get to go in through a quieter entrance or something.

Have you considered raising the possibility rather than hoping they will offer?

Now they've told her about breakfast club I feel awful by saying I can't make it work.

Why would you feel awful? They offered a solution but it doesn't work for you on a practical level. No need to get any sort of emotion involved here. 'Thanks that would have been great but it doesn't work for us'

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 05/10/2021 07:47

Do you have a partner at home? Could they take your DD and then you go with DS later?
They could make adjustments to their day too.

HoppingPavlova · 05/10/2021 07:47

YABVU, most 6yo are happy to dick about for 45mins especially if you take something to occupy them, ball, yo-yo, some toy or other. Hell, give them your phone to play on for 45min and it’s problem solvedGrin. Is it 45min he would be by himself with you anyway? Surely other kids dribble in at some point in the 45min before school starts and he’d have a little run around with them?

FuckingFlumps · 05/10/2021 07:48

I'm not sure if his teacher would feel I was doing that if he has had to wait in the rain for 45 minutes prior to school starting.

If you took her for less time and then waited in the playground your son would probably love starting his day by playing with others in the big playground. If he's in reception he probably doesn't care that it's raining if he's getting to play, most of them don't even notice enough to remember to put their coats on in my experience. Grin