School aren't helping with morning routine

[Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower]

My dd has always been anxious. Since starting back at school she has had serious meltdowns every morning, crying for up to forty minutes, shaking walking to school. At her age this behaviour is quite unusual, especially as she was better (1-2 meltdowns at drop off per week) in previous years. I feel it's sensory, as she is perfectly happy walking to school and excited to see friends but seizes up and bolts for the gate as soon as she gets in the playground. It's quite different from last year (covid) as all the kids are in the playground together as well as all the parents, dogs, teachers etc and she just can't tolerate the noise, chaos of it.
School have offered a breakfast club so she can avoid this. There's not a breakfast club currently apart from for kids with additional needs and low income families, so there's about six kids who attend in the whole school. My dd went yesterday and loved it, the school said she was calm and ready to join the class at lesson time. However, they can not accommodate my ds who is also at school. So if my dd goes I then have a 45 minute wait with him, not enough time to go home, no park local and it's cold and wet. I feel this is really unfair and might impact on his feelings about school, as he has to leave home earlier and will have a long wait before starting.
Can I push this and should I as he does not fit the criteria?

@Lazypuppy

There must be a cafe or something you can go in and have breakfast with your son?

You assume too much. If this was my child’s primary school there is nothing within a 25 min walk except a housing estate and hospital. If we were in this position we wouldn’t have anywhere to go either.

[quote Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower]@PotteringAlong I agree but what am I supposed to do? I have two children. [/quote]
That's not really their problem. If everyone with multiple children left all their children then breakfast club would be chaos. Isn't there a shop or anything nearby?

Totally agree with @ChloeCrocodile and @BrilliantBulb

OPs child currently not entitled to any extra funding. The school are already funding one extra space the expectation that they should fund another is ridiculous.

In reality the funding will most likely come from a child/childrens like DS' EHCP. If that allows and additionally funds specific provision and then the ratios then allow for an extra child to be accommodated that's how the school is providing for the OPs DD. There were a significant number of interventions instigated by DS' EHCP eg sensory circuits that other children, in his primary particularly, benefitted from

@Caramellatteplease

Maybe OP could offer to provide the breakfast for the kid and the club is already staffed anyway

Have a look to see where your local child development centre is and in what way they receive referrals. They probably won't accept parental referrals, so it'll either have go through gp or school. You need to get to the bottom of why it causes her so much distress!
As others have said could you drop her off 20mins early rather than 45mins.

Why on Earth isn't the breakfast club open
For everyone? Baffling as usually the purpose is for children who's parents work?

Anyway, I totally get your frustration. I have two with additional needs. Morning and drop offs can be daunting as they get overwhelmed but I don't really have much advice!

Could your Dd not attend breakfast club for like 15-20 minutes rather than the whole 45??

Another Suggestion would be to take your Dd into school 10 minutes before everyone else arrives? That really helped with mine or arrive via the main entrance rather than the same way as everyone else. If the school agree to this of course.

This sounds really stressful for you and both children OP.

Unfortunately there's no way DS can attend the breakfast club so you have to look at alternative options.

Could you send your daughter 20 mins before school? Pack her a brioche or something if she wants to eat and then your son's wait time is cut in half.

Alternatively is there another way for your daughter to settle before school? Can you and another mum in her class arrange to walk in the morning to reduce her anxiety?

Could you arrange to take her in through the main entrance or drop her to the classroom early?

I've seen you don't like to drive to school but unfortunately you simply might have to. Driving is a far less stressful alternative than waiting in the rain.

What are they doing RE her diagnosis? I think the best place you could start is ask to meet with her teachers and the relevant CAHMS staff to start putting together a plan.

Good luck!

Sorry but I think YABU.

It's great that the school have said that DD can go to the breakfast club for children with additional needs. Playground stress problem solved.

They're not responsible for your school run issues re having to wait. It's not an open breakfast club. I'm sure it would help many many other families mornings run more smoothly if they opened it to all, but they can't make an exception for 1 sibling.

There could then be another 20 kids who's parents could want them to join, making it busier and louder, which would defeat the purpose of it for your DD.

@MiddlesexGirl

Not so bad now but what about when it's bloody freezing?

Do kids not go out in the snow any more?
If it's bloody freezing then wrap up warm. It's not rocket science.

He is 4/5.

He can be doing without getting piss wet through each morning. I wouldn't be happy doing this and I wouldn't let my kids do it either.

Why on Earth isn't the breakfast club open
For everyone? Baffling as usually the purpose is for children who's parents work?
@Karleeb30 There is also a general breakfast club that’s open to everyone but OP says she doesn’t want/can’t afford to pay.

[quote User5827372728]@Caramellatteplease

Maybe OP could offer to provide the breakfast for the kid and the club is already staffed anyway[/quote]
But by adding more children you need to employ more staff.
There will be ratios in place that need to be kept to by law.

So you’ve not even asked the school?! Fantastic

@BrilliantBulb

There’s 6 kids of school age, probably 2 adults, I’m sure they can manage!

[quote User5827372728]@BrilliantBulb

There’s 6 kids of school age, probably 2 adults, I’m sure they can manage![/quote]
That very much depends on the children and why they go in early. Ds goes in early but is on full 1-1

[quote User5827372728]@BrilliantBulb

There’s 6 kids of school age, probably 2 adults, I’m sure they can manage![/quote]
It’s literally for children with SEN. The ratios there are much smaller, sometimes as small as 1:1.

[quote Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower]@PizzaCrust sorry I'm at work I can't reply but I am reading and taking it all in. I don't see that as rude.[/quote]
You've not been rude at all. PizzaCrust just wants to find something to have a go about. Ignore her.

Shock horror, people have lives and can't spend all day tending to their Mumsnet threads! FFS. [hmmm]

I think you have to do what we all do and balance the pros and cons with what you have and avoid causing others difficulties by our actions. The title is wrong though, your school is being accommodating.

So the benefit for your daughter has to be greater than the inconvenience to your son of waiting 45 mins.

Or ask if you can pay for breakfast club but turn up late? So less time waiting. Or walk to somewhere dry?
How long is the walk from home?

could you share the drop off with another parent or your partner? Could your son walk by himself (not sure how old the kids are or how far the walk is).

Other than that maybe drop your DD off, take DS for coffee/hot chocolate somewhere around, make it special for the two of you too?

Just trying to make this work somehow, your DD needs that club, so think what would your DS like the morning to be like for him? See if you can fit it in.

Good luck. Also I'd push for diagnosis through GP as soon as you can find the strength. It may help.

@User5827372728

The responses you've given seem quite naive and not very understanding of the needs of children with SN

@Agelikeafinebottleofblacktower

Forgot to say school are also not willing to recommend any SENco support at the moment and I don't know whether to look into getting on the waiting list for a diagnosis yet or not. I feel so clueless about all of this.

Sorry to say, you as the parent have to be pro-active, it took me a long time figure this out. Speak to your gp and get an referral asap, it can take a long time to get to the top of waiting lists.

As far as your other child, sadly you will find barriers everywhere you go with anything sen related. Its up to you to fight for it.

The school have a legal obligation to make ‘reasonable adjustments’ which they could argue have done. I would speak to the head again and if no joy, maybe a conversation with the governors. A word of warning though, keep school on side as much as you can be advocate fir your dcs.

School obligations actually are only to provide an 'adequate education appropriate the the childs age, Sn and medical needs. They are not normally responsible for the child getting to school (the LEA may be if the child is responsible for school transport). If the parent cant get the child in the school gate that's not actually generally the schools responsibility (unless the reason is because a failure of school provision and this can end up a horribly messy legal argument).

More abelist bullshit.

What a bizarre thread title. The school have offered the help you need. You haven't even asked about your son but are happy to slate the school for not offering you free child care for your son.

They are not mind readers...

Looking at the anxiety and school refusing - is your daughter asthmatic and taking Montelukast / singulair?
This can cause anxiety lead to school refusal.
www.fda.gov/drugs/drug-safety-and-availability/fda-requires-boxed-warning-about-serious-mental-health-side-effects-asthma-and-allergy-drug

This threads a really sad read. Its so fucking difficult parebting a sen child, more help needed not less.

Some of the replies on here regarding the school are blinkered and impractical.

Sitting in the school library - we set up the library ready for a phonics group/early intervention group.

DS can go to the school breakfast club because 'one more won't hurt' - except when others might have two or three other siblings and all want them to then have a place too. We have to work on a staff:pupil ratio. It isn't so easy to 'just add another one'.

Offer to do photocopying/reading etc before school - 🙄

Ask if the child can go into the classroom early. What, 45 minutes early???? Joke.

Also all the other ridiculous suggestions of buying a camping chair/take a picnic/ go to a cafe etc etc etc.

You need to consider just taking your DD for the last 15 minutes of breakfast club.
Or asking if she can go into school via the office/a different door and possibly a little later.
Ear defenders might also help.

The bottom line is you need to speak to the school and discuss all option available.

Good luck