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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be astounded people are defending John Barrowman

211 replies

GoldFrankensteinAndGrrr · 04/10/2021 07:20

Or that they ever did, but particularly in the current climate.

Defending/diminishing the actions of a man whose colleagues have repeatedly said has exposed himself at work? Really? If he worked at Sainsbury's and did it there would it be ok too?

Some of the excuses I've heard include he's gay so he didn't fancy them, what's the problem/it was just a laugh/he's in showbusiness, it's different and so on. No. It's not. Assault is assault and dismissing it or justifying it, or implying that women need to lighten up and get a sense of humour, normalises his actions and validates others who do similar - it's just messing about/a bit of fun, after all.

I cannot believe that anyone would think it's ok to slap your penis on a colleague's body while at work, but apparently some people do. Bonkers.

OP posts:
RaskolnikovsGarret · 04/10/2021 09:03

I see he calls it ‘tomfoolery’ and ‘high-spirited’ behaviour and that it ‘may’ have caused offence. Yes sexual assault is such fun. Wth is wrong with these men? 😡

Tilltheend99 · 04/10/2021 09:09

It is disgusting that ITV are basically condoning his behaviour by giving him more work. I would happily never see him on tv again.

FreeBritnee · 04/10/2021 09:09

I think him being gay within an industry that has its roots in theatre and the Bohemia that comes with that has allowed this behaviour to go on. Suddenly with the #metoo movement it’s no longer amusing and what used to be a funny story is now seen as threatening and sinister. I suspect his objective was to be seen as outrageous and hilarious but obviously now he’s been cancelled I suspect he needs to do some baring of his soul on social media and hope the contrition wins him some work again.

GoOnDoAnASEyeroll · 04/10/2021 09:13

it was just a laugh/he's in showbusiness

Someone should tell him/them that showbusiness doesn't mean "show your business".

I'm with you OP. Some people defend famous people/their favourite people to the death, no matter what they've done. Till it's done to them.

GoldFrankensteinAndGrrr · 04/10/2021 09:14

@RaskolnikovsGarret

I see he calls it ‘tomfoolery’ and ‘high-spirited’ behaviour and that it ‘may’ have caused offence. Yes sexual assault is such fun. Wth is wrong with these men? 😡
I've seen comments from so many people saying it wasn't assault. How wasn't it?

There are lots of (annoying, childish) ways to express your wacky, high-spirited, tomfoolery loving side without sexually assaulting women ffs. Like fuck is this about tomfoolery.

OP posts:
Tilltheend99 · 04/10/2021 09:15

Just had a look to see what you mean. Sounds as if the deformation laws in Australia may be silencing women Flowers
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.com/news/world-australia-53259355.amp

AbstractEim · 04/10/2021 09:16

Just read his comments about being naked and filming sex scenes. I’ve worked on lots of closed sets when filming sex scenes or nudity and none of the actors that I recall working with were ever walking about the set naked. They would have flesh coloured underwear or fabric taped in place to cover genitals at least until they were in position and going for a take, underwear or cover ups would only be removed if absolutely necessary as they could be seen, mostly with camera angles they were kept on if possibles and for rehearsals everyone was covered. Sex scenes rarely show genitals, so there were always ways to cover up unless there was a full frontal but then the actor would tend to be in a robe until the last minute not parading about flipping their nob on women’s shoulders.

It’s also considered good practice that actors don’t actually have their genitals touching each other so there would be flesh coloured cover ups on those areas and no skin to skin contact for privacy, dignity and health & safety reasons. Not sure what was going on with JB but I’d say that’s incredibly unusual behaviour.

DancesWithTortoises · 04/10/2021 09:16

It was years ago. He apologised.

I can't get worked up about something that happened so long ago and was "case closed" after a fulsome apology.

Of course he went too far, he knows that now. I'll be watching his new programme.

Flaming torches, anyone?

Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/10/2021 09:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Handsoffstrikesagain · 04/10/2021 09:19

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Bobbiethemouse · 04/10/2021 09:23

Grim! Reading this I suspect he is at least bisexual and pretends to be exclusively gay to get away with this behavior. Awful man.

toomuchlaundry · 04/10/2021 09:24

@DancesWithTortoises so when does it become not okay?

If a DC’s friend’s dad did this to one of your DC would that be ok if he apologised?

PineapplePasta · 04/10/2021 09:25

"case closed" after a fulsome apology.

He's rubbed his genitals on people for years in the workplace.

He knew it was wrong but continued to do it through his career for his own thrills. But case closed because of a PR written apology!

Dmsandfloatydress · 04/10/2021 09:26

I spent at lot of time in the theatre I the 90s. If a straight guy had behaved like this the police would have been called. However, gay guys often behaved outrageously and it was considered hilarious and non threatening as they were gay. Only by the women not the men. It really would have been viewed as high jinks I'm afraid. Times have changed, thank God.

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 04/10/2021 09:29

@DancesWithTortoises

It was years ago. He apologised.

I can't get worked up about something that happened so long ago and was "case closed" after a fulsome apology.

Of course he went too far, he knows that now. I'll be watching his new programme.

Flaming torches, anyone?

Can you be sure he hasn’t done it in years though? There’s so many incidents it seems like an obsession of his. How likely is that that someone can stop being a pervert overnight?
JayAlfredPrufrock · 04/10/2021 09:29

This makes me so sad as DD and I loved Captain Jack.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 04/10/2021 09:29

Totally agree

notacooldad · 04/10/2021 09:30

Flaming torches, anyone?
Dont be daft.
I would struggle to forgive if it was a o e iff.
However it wasnt, it was done repeatedly.He knew what he was doing and also he could het away with it.

notacooldad · 04/10/2021 09:31

one off!!!

CreepingDeath · 04/10/2021 09:31

It was years ago. He apologised.

I can't get worked up about something that happened so long ago and was "case closed" after a fulsome apology.

This is such a lame excuse. Many victims don't feel able to come forward at the time, especially if they feel they will lose their job if they do. Just because it happened years ago doesn't mean that they shouldn't get justice.

What about sexual abuse against children that happened years ago, does that not matter either?

The whole reason these guys get away with this is because they know women are usually too intimidated to speak up. So it allows them to continue. And when the women finally do speak up, people like you just dismiss their experience as unimportant.

I remember a few years ago when Scarlett Johannsen was groped on the red carpet - the guy literally squeezed her breasts live on tv Angry. His 'defence' was that he was gay so it was ok Hmm. These guys are disgusting, they don't seem to think anyone else's boundaries matter.

But hey, we're not even women anymore, we're just body parts to be grabbed at.

JasonMomoasgirlfriend · 04/10/2021 09:32

@DancesWithTortoises so everything should be forgotten about If it happened years ago?

What a stupid thing to say.

CuteGirlsWatchMeEatEther · 04/10/2021 09:33

It’s not “flaming torches” anyway for someone to face a consequence (eg losing a job) for a proven serious incident/crime/sexual assault. Should there be no consequences for poor actions?

GoldFrankensteinAndGrrr · 04/10/2021 09:35

@DancesWithTortoises

It was years ago. He apologised.

I can't get worked up about something that happened so long ago and was "case closed" after a fulsome apology.

Of course he went too far, he knows that now. I'll be watching his new programme.

Flaming torches, anyone?

If you sexually assaulted someone at work, would you expect to be given a pat on the back and told to get on with it as long as you said sorry?

What a shame you believe that historic sexual assault doesn't count because it happened a long time ago. Perhaps you'd get more 'worked up' if you were the victim, or a female family member was.

OP posts:
GoldFrankensteinAndGrrr · 04/10/2021 09:36

@CreepingDeath

It was years ago. He apologised.

I can't get worked up about something that happened so long ago and was "case closed" after a fulsome apology.

This is such a lame excuse. Many victims don't feel able to come forward at the time, especially if they feel they will lose their job if they do. Just because it happened years ago doesn't mean that they shouldn't get justice.

What about sexual abuse against children that happened years ago, does that not matter either?

The whole reason these guys get away with this is because they know women are usually too intimidated to speak up. So it allows them to continue. And when the women finally do speak up, people like you just dismiss their experience as unimportant.

I remember a few years ago when Scarlett Johannsen was groped on the red carpet - the guy literally squeezed her breasts live on tv Angry. His 'defence' was that he was gay so it was ok Hmm. These guys are disgusting, they don't seem to think anyone else's boundaries matter.

But hey, we're not even women anymore, we're just body parts to be grabbed at.

Excellent post, all of it.
OP posts:
IvyTwines2 · 04/10/2021 09:37

@FreeBritnee

I think him being gay within an industry that has its roots in theatre and the Bohemia that comes with that has allowed this behaviour to go on. Suddenly with the #metoo movement it’s no longer amusing and what used to be a funny story is now seen as threatening and sinister. I suspect his objective was to be seen as outrageous and hilarious but obviously now he’s been cancelled I suspect he needs to do some baring of his soul on social media and hope the contrition wins him some work again.
I think the way 'art' and 'bohemianism' has provided a shield and pretext for all sorts of abuse, bullying and exploitation, especially of women, girls and young men and boys, and for centuries, is something that still hasn't been properly addressed.