AIBU to be uninterested in my work colleagues sex lives?

[jacktheladess]

NC for obvious reasons! The company I work for is very 'woke'. It recently had a LGBTQ+ day where everyone who wanted to could 'come out' to colleagues. One colleague gave us chapter and verse on how he was Bi (engaged to female, which we were all aware of). He then went on to write an article for our company newsletter on how supported he felt about revealing to all his colleagues that he was Bi and how wonderful they had all been, and what a wonderful reaction he had. So I feel a bit uncomfortable about this tbh. He isn't a close colleague, but even had he been I have absolutely zero interest in my work colleagues sex lives? I couldn't give a flying fuck if they are straight, bi, gay, into bondage, whatever. I really, really don't care. I do not expect my colleagues to wonder about my sex life, so why should I be encouraged to take an interest in theirs? Perhaps not an AIBU (because even if the majority think I am, I don't care) , but does anyone else feel like this? That their work place is actively encouraging people to share their sexual proclivities?

You know it's about way more than just having sex, right?

I get what you mean and often think the same myself - however I think the idea is this is about people being marginalised in life for various reasons and let's be honest in that historically the LGBT community has been treated terribly. It's about people being free to be themselves and not to be persecuted for it. This runs deeper than sexual relationships.

YANBU. This is why I'm glad I work for a small company where the focus is on work not the latest woke trend.
How is someone's sexual preferences in anyway relevant to the workplace?

There is a difference between sex life and sexuality.
It's good that he and others feel accepted.
If a straight person talks about their partner I don't automatically jump to that being 'about their sex life' so don't think that if they are gay or bi either.
I don't want to hear about sexual positions from and colleagues, that would be talking about their sex life.

Are you seriously mixing sexuality and bondage together?

Sexuality isn’t a kink.

I’m no member of the woke brigade but Christ, you need to educate yourself.

YABU to think that someone coming out is telling you about their sex life.

I can't see anywhere in your post where he's said anything about his sex life, just his sexuality and his past experience. Or have I missed a bit where he wrote an article about how he loves rimming?!
If you have to name change cause you're worried about people judging your homophobic post, perhaps have a think about why that is.

You're putting it all on to sex, it's about your wider life sometimes and of course being honest - not constantly editing your outward social "story" remembering who knows what etc it can be exhausting. I am bi. I've had relationships that I had to conceal the nature of at work as I didn't feel work was a safe environment for me to discuss a date, falling in love, turning up in the sake outfit etc. Stories about me, things that help you understand and empathise with people over.

*so yes, it is liberating to be out around people, it takes a lot of pressure off.

Yanbu. It would be nice if some people equally respected other people's desire not to know.

Isn't sexuality about who you're sexually attracted to?
I'm not really interested either tbh.
A bisexual friend was grumbling about bi-visibility day recently. Her complaint was that she wants to feel visible every day and not just on that one day.
I do struggle to understand this if I'm honest. She's visible every day, because she's more than her sexualiity.
I've had all sorts of relationships in my life (middle aged now) I've no need to put a label on them. Happily married now, to a man, and I can think of any good reason to 'come out' as anything.

I used to work in a place where I didn’t feel it was safe to come out. I spent two years referring to my girlfriend as my flatmate. It’s not a nice way to live: the constant anxiety about someone finding out, having to think before I mentioned her at work (even just a how-was-your-weekend conversation), the stomach-dropping fear when a colleague said I reminded him of a lesbian celebrity. YABU.

Some of my colleagues wonder why our new colleague has mentioned that he is gay, as they think its irrelevant. I think that if you have lived with the default being straight and fearing negative reactions then its an important thing to tell people. Its not about sex.

You don't want to know? Your problem, not theirs.

So do you object to "Nancy" in accounts explaining how she's been off to care for her husband? But if you're objecting to knowing about someone's sexuality then yes, you don't want to listen to that. Because if it was her wife YOU would be uncomfortable? So why sympathise when it suits you?
If you don't want to "know" yes you're an active homophobe. That is a character flaw of yours. You're the one sexualising everything because of one fact, they might be attracted to men as well as women.

Two of my brothers are gay. They experience the world in a constant state of hyper-vigilance, because they have to operate in a society that has been built by and for straight people, and constantly makes assumptions about them that are incorrect. They live in a permanent state of apprehension, sometimes even fear, at what will be said or done to them.

Being out at work is one way of normalising who they are as people. Straight people get to talk about their weekends, their nights out, their weddings, their divorces, their relationships — all at work. Why shouldn’t my bros feel able to do that too?

Sexuality is not about sex life. And it is not a ‘sexual preference’. YABVU.

If he'd told you about his new girlfriend, would you immediately conclude that he was discussing his sex life? Sexuality is more than sex and if you can't accept that you're homophobic

I dunno. I’ve had colleagues we all knew were gay but weren’t out at work. That said, I don’t think a ‘coming out day’ would have made any of them decide to say anything at work. It seems a bit odd.

In a way I agree. I don’t care if colleagues are green, purple, blur with pink spots, bi, straight, gay or whatever.

All I want is that they do their job,

YABU, telling someone your sexuality is not the same as talking about your sex life. And the only reason people have to “come out” in the first place is that heterosexuality is the assumed default

I mean how much detail was he going in to? Positions and techniques then YANBU, nobody needs to hear that.

If he was just talking about liking men as well as women then it's not a 'woke trend', its something that people face widespread discrimination for so good on your company for trying to show support. you dont care he is bi but a lot of people do treat people differently because of their sexuality so I'm surprised you cant understand that people might feel like they have to hide it at work and that feeling accepted and relieved that they dont have to is a big deal.

I expect a lot of LGB people would like their sex lives to be of no interest. TBH, reaching the point where it doesn't really mean anything to other people would probably be the ideal for a lot of people. If "meh" was the strongest reaction an LGB person ever got, they would probably consider it a win!

If you have had to hide something about yourself for fear of harm and discrimination, then I suppose it must feel quite special to be able to feel safe about saying it out loud. I wouldn't want to discuss it in any detail either, but I can see the value in telling people.

OK, maybe I didn't write this very well, of course I understand it's more than sex, but what I was getting at was that it was in the company newsletter. If he wants to tell his direct colleagues that's fine - I know some of my direct colleagues are gay, because we work closely, it's the expectation that the whole company needs to know. I NC because I post on here a lot and I am most certainly not homophobic, I am very much 'live and let live, and if it doesn't hurt anyone else go for it' - I just can't see why a company would think we all need to know.

Well, I have worked in local government for the whole of my adult life, and truly I have never seen anyone being sidelined, passed over for promotion etc due to their sexuality. In fact a number of the managers were gay. It was a complete non issue, no-one talked about, no comments were made, no-one was interested because it made no difference to my job or their job.

I don't know how I'd say it tbh. Am I bisexual? Or did I just used to be bisexual? I love women, and women's company, and I've had a couple of relationships with women. I think I'm pretty straight, most of the time. I'm monogamous now, but I've also been in ethically non-monogamous relationships. Not sure if any of that's anyone else's business, but I'm certainly not ashamed.

Everyone voting Yanbu PLEASE just try going a week without making any reference to your living arrangements, your activity at the weekend, your holidays. Or try referring to your partner by a different name, all the time.

You'll probably get frustrated. Waste a lot of productivity wondering if you slipped up or not.

Now multiply that for years. You will stop discussing with your colleagues your emotional life at all. You will not be part of the team. You will possibly suffer emotionally from maintaining a mask or fabrication.

Your heterosexuality is expressed in a multitude of ways. Noones stopping you doing that! Why on earth are you so keen to insist upon other people doing that for you?