AIBU to be uninterested in my work colleagues sex lives?

[jacktheladess]

NC for obvious reasons! The company I work for is very 'woke'. It recently had a LGBTQ+ day where everyone who wanted to could 'come out' to colleagues. One colleague gave us chapter and verse on how he was Bi (engaged to female, which we were all aware of). He then went on to write an article for our company newsletter on how supported he felt about revealing to all his colleagues that he was Bi and how wonderful they had all been, and what a wonderful reaction he had. So I feel a bit uncomfortable about this tbh. He isn't a close colleague, but even had he been I have absolutely zero interest in my work colleagues sex lives? I couldn't give a flying fuck if they are straight, bi, gay, into bondage, whatever. I really, really don't care. I do not expect my colleagues to wonder about my sex life, so why should I be encouraged to take an interest in theirs? Perhaps not an AIBU (because even if the majority think I am, I don't care) , but does anyone else feel like this? That their work place is actively encouraging people to share their sexual proclivities?

Likewise.
I sometimes think it's all a bit like 'the only gay in the village' sketch.

I never see the point in telling people at work that you're gay if you're engaged to a woman at the moment.

@3scape

Everyone voting Yanbu PLEASE just try going a week without making any reference to your living arrangements, your activity at the weekend, your holidays. Or try referring to your partner by a different name, all the time. You'll probably get frustrated. Waste a lot of productivity wondering if you slipped up or not. Now multiply that for years. You will stop discussing with your colleagues your emotional life at all. You will not be part of the team. You will possibly suffer emotionally from maintaining a mask or fabrication. Your heterosexuality is expressed in a multitude of ways. Noones stopping you doing that! Why on earth are you so keen to insist upon other people doing that for you?

Yeah but why do you have to announce it? You just talk about your life like everyone else does. It's never going to be normalised if you treat it like its something special

Totally agree with you but you'll probably get flamed. I go to work to do a job, I don't care about the sexuality of anybody I work with. I think social media has a lot do to with this. Total oversharing all the time.

If the male colleague is happily married to a woman, and is coming out as bisexual, why do they want to let colleagues know? I'm sure im missing something other than, "in future I may have an affair with a man or leave my wife for man?" That's a bit of an odd announcement? Or maybe it's about letting people know about their past?

That's because you think people have no past or future then?

@jacktheladess

OK, maybe I didn't write this very well, of course I understand it's more than sex, but what I was getting at was that it was in the company newsletter. If he wants to tell his direct colleagues that's fine - I know some of my direct colleagues are gay, because we work closely, it's the expectation that the whole company needs to know. I NC because I post on here a lot and I am most certainly not homophobic, I am very much 'live and let live, and if it doesn't hurt anyone else go for it' - I just can't see why a company would think we all need to know.

I imagine it was in the newsletter to show others in the office that they don’t need to worry about mentioning their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife because it might reveal their sexuality. From your thread title I thought it was going to be about colleagues gossiping about explicit details in the office. Nothing you’ve said is anything to do with his sex life. An attitude of I don’t mind but “why do we all need to know” doesn’t sound very accepting to me.

The fact that these are articles in company newsletters is because when people speak about things openly then that topic becomes normalised.

Sorry 'normalised' - what is 'normal' anyway...

@riotlady

YABU, telling someone your sexuality is not the same as talking about your sex life. And the only reason people have to “come out” in the first place is that heterosexuality is the assumed default

Perfect & concise.

@Mumoblue

YABU to think that someone coming out is telling you about their sex life.

It is the definition of telling someone about your sex life!

Why should what you want to do in the bedroom have any impact on your work, or be of any interest to your colleagues?

It’s not really relevant and I don’t care if someone is gay or straight. However I have had two colleagues who have definitely over shared about their add lives and I just don’t want to hear - having sex with 3 different women on the same day, or getting picked up by a group of (strangers) men in a car and going off with them for a bit of group outdoor recreation on the common... Definitely fingers in ears lalalalalalala...

Yeah but why do you have to announce it?
You just talk about your life like everyone else does. It's never going to be normalised if you treat it like its something special

Because if you don't, FlexibleGiraffe, and you accidentally mention your boyfriend as a gay man in front of the wrong person, and you could be in line for harrassment or discrimination or much worse. You mention "oh my ex-girlfriend worked for X company and she said they did their audits this way" in conversation about a competitor with your boss as a bi woman now with a man, and you get disgusting jokes about being a 'secret lesbian' and 'only marrying DH for the money' until you have to leave your job because HR don't take it seriously. You mention your partner is female to your religious homophobe line manager, who then refuses to give a reference to your adoption agency as she thinks it's wrong.

All of these things have happened to me or friends of mine. Coming out specifically might not have fixed some of them, but a workplace saying "this is somewhere we specifically encourage people to be open about their sexual orientation" means it is, by extension, "this is a workplace where we don't accept discrimination based off that sexual orientation". It reminds the homophobes that their opinion is not wanted or necessary or acceptable in civilised society.

I don't understand why anyone needs to 'come out' as bi if they're engaged to a person of the opposite sex.

I know someone that's recently declared themselves as 'queer', they've always been in 'straight' relationships, are married to someone of the opposite sex and have never had a same-sex relationship.

It all smacks of attention seeking bollocks to me.

Aren't you all lucky not to understand why people might need to come out? Or why it might not be all about sex?

‘And?’ is the the only response needed to someone at work (a colleague, not your mate or sister) telling you that they are gay. I don’t need to know unless I am trying to chat someone up and they say ‘errr, I’m gay’.

If they are going to come to work dressed in the garb of the opposite sex, then yes I’d like a heads up, so that there would be no embarrassed silences or double takes...

I think people should be able to discuss aspects of their life outside work without worrying they will be discriminated against. So if someone is in a same sex relationship they should be confident to discuss their life in the same way as someone in a opposite sex relationship.
However:
Kink
Sexual practices generally
Crushes on people outside someone's current relationship (regardless of whether or not they are the same sex as current partner)
Not really topics of conversation unless it's a close friend you work with. And unfortunately the LGBTQIA+ agenda can cause people to share things I think should stay private

I don't see the benefit of that type of "coming out" event in the workplace. It seems like the kind of thing you might gradually learn about a colleague in passing, just as you might learn that Sarah has twin sons, Ben's father is deaf, and Mina spent her childhood abroad. It has no real bearing on work. If it comes up in casual conversation, that's okay, but there's no need for a big announcement to the whole company.

It feels like a performance on the part of the company, to celebrate how enlightened they are. Who cares?!

Tbh I’m not interested in my colleagues lives altogether. Someone stopped me by the printer the other day to try and spend 20 minutes talking to me about their new kitchen. This is why I like working from home, I can just do the job and not have to listen to Janice going on about Spain or how the kids are annoying Tony. Having said that, if coming out in the workplace makes someone have a more comfortable work experience then I don’t object to that at all, but do I care about the specifics of theirs or anyone else’s relationship? No.

@cormorantes

If the male colleague is happily married to a woman, and is coming out as bisexual, why do they want to let colleagues know? I'm sure im missing something other than, "in future I may have an affair with a man or leave my wife for man?" That's a bit of an odd announcement? Or maybe it's about letting people know about their past?

Because currently being with a woman doesn't make him straight.

This thread is a straight-privilege bingo edition of why this stuff is absolutely still necessary, and shy it might be necessary for a company to actively take steps to demonstrate that it's a safe place for people to be out.

I’d want to hear about a new kitten...

‘And?’ is the the only response needed to someone at work (a colleague, not your mate or sister) telling you that they are gay. I don’t need to know unless I am trying to chat someone up and they say ‘errr, I’m gay’.

Do you give such a rude response to colleagues when they tell you other information about their personal life that you don’t need to know?
Someone comes in and excitedly says they got engaged. Do you say “and?” After all, you don’t need to know, do you.

@AlthoughTheyFlyByJumboJet

I don't see the benefit of that type of "coming out" event in the workplace. It seems like the kind of thing you might gradually learn about a colleague in passing, just as you might learn that Sarah has twin sons, Ben's father is deaf, and Mina spent her childhood abroad. It has no real bearing on work. If it comes up in casual conversation, that's okay, but there's no need for a big announcement to the whole company.

It feels like a performance on the part of the company, to celebrate how enlightened they are. Who cares?!

Yes but Sarah probably isn’t nervous of the reaction she’ll get if she mentions her twin sons.

@LoislovesStewie

Well, I have worked in local government for the whole of my adult life, and truly I have never seen anyone being sidelined, passed over for promotion etc due to their sexuality. In fact a number of the managers were gay. It was a complete non issue, no-one talked about, no comments were made, no-one was interested because it made no difference to my job or their job.

So because you never saw it then it doesn’t happen? What a pile of crap.

Surely it doesn’t take more than a couple of brain cells to understand the implications of feeling like you have to hide or be ashamed of an aspect of your home life? If your colleague wants to shout from the roof tops about his sexuality because it makes work chit chat easier and free from shame, then so be it. I can’t see how this negatively effects you one bit.