AIBU to be uninterested in my work colleagues sex lives?

[jacktheladess]

NC for obvious reasons! The company I work for is very 'woke'. It recently had a LGBTQ+ day where everyone who wanted to could 'come out' to colleagues. One colleague gave us chapter and verse on how he was Bi (engaged to female, which we were all aware of). He then went on to write an article for our company newsletter on how supported he felt about revealing to all his colleagues that he was Bi and how wonderful they had all been, and what a wonderful reaction he had. So I feel a bit uncomfortable about this tbh. He isn't a close colleague, but even had he been I have absolutely zero interest in my work colleagues sex lives? I couldn't give a flying fuck if they are straight, bi, gay, into bondage, whatever. I really, really don't care. I do not expect my colleagues to wonder about my sex life, so why should I be encouraged to take an interest in theirs? Perhaps not an AIBU (because even if the majority think I am, I don't care) , but does anyone else feel like this? That their work place is actively encouraging people to share their sexual proclivities?

Thank goodness! Ive just refreshed and seen sane folks have turned up. I only posted because the first few pages were so awful and the OP made me so cross!

I guess it is all about society accepting different sexual identities as equally valid as heterosexuality. This is no different to identifying as a woman at work where women are underrepresented. I'd prefer that it wouldn't matter and people should just get on with their jobs, but discrimination exists and needs to be combatted.

We have a loud and proud at work nobody cares or is remotely interested .
I genuinely think he was pissed of that nobody was bothered .

I could come out as an asexual single mother but why would I feel the need to do that?

Yes, you could do that. (And arguably have done on this thread.)

Not to do so is your choice. But would you deny that choice to others because it’s something you don’t want to do yourself?

It's like if a colleague tells me they are getting married, or turning 40. It doesn't affect me, and I'm not going to go home ans lie awake at night thinking about it. But I'm happy for them and congratulate them, I don't just sit there going 'oh it does affect me I don't understand why they felt the need to tell me'. Conversation isn't just purely functional instructions

If someone tells me they are gay, bi, lesbian I am happy for them. No it doesn't affect me but I'm happy they feel comfortable to tell me, because it wasn't that many years ago they wouldn't have been able to.

Hopefully with time people will gradually stop feeling they need to come out. But there's still 70 countries in the world where its illegal to be gay, and 12 where you get the death penalty. We are not in a world that views homosexuality or bisexuality as equal to heterosexuality, as evidenced by this thread

@seaandsandcastles

Are you seriously mixing sexuality and bondage together?

Sexuality isn’t a kink.

I’m no member of the woke brigade but Christ, you need to educate yourself.

What is the “woke brigade”?

There is a difference between sex life and sexuality

Quite reasonable for work colleagues not to be interested in either. Why do we need to know?

@BIoodyStupidJohnson

I could come out as an asexual single mother but why would I feel the need to do that?

Yes, you could do that. (And arguably have done on this thread.)

Not to do so is your choice. But would you deny that choice to others because it’s something you don’t want to do yourself?

I'm not denying people the choice of doing what they want. Discrimination sadly exists for many of us of race, religion, status, sexuality, and for a whole other plethora of reasons. I'm not saying it's right. There is far more awareness nowadays with LGBTQA events etc but I don't need to be educated. I'm there with you and part of it. But my bugbear is being accused as HOMOPHOBIC because i've not made a song and dance of someone coming out. To me that feels like yet another discriminatory label put on me because I keep myself to myself. Sometimes it works both ways.

@jacktheladessSun

Quite reasonable for work colleagues not to be interested in either. Why do we need to know?

Do you feel the same if someone mentions a new boyfriend? That is discussing their sexuality.

Sorry, should have tagged @ModerateOven

@seaandsandcastles

Are you seriously mixing sexuality and bondage together?

Sexuality isn’t a kink.

I’m no member of the woke brigade but Christ, you need to educate yourself.

In that case, so does every "pup" or adult baby who ever swung a leash or giant dummy at a Pride Parade.

@jacktheladess

OK, maybe I didn't write this very well, of course I understand it's more than sex, but what I was getting at was that it was in the company newsletter. If he wants to tell his direct colleagues that's fine - I know some of my direct colleagues are gay, because we work closely, it's the expectation that the whole company needs to know. I NC because I post on here a lot and I am most certainly not homophobic, I am very much 'live and let live, and if it doesn't hurt anyone else go for it' - I just can't see why a company would think we all need to know.

I know some of my direct colleagues are gay, because we work closely, it's the expectation that the whole company needs to know.

There is no expectation that they need to know. He wants them to know and that's very different. He's trying to help 'normalize' relationships that are not heterosexual.

Just the fact that companies still feel the need to have 'LGBTQ+ days', should speak volumes to you.

The company you work for is not 'very woke' as you describe it. They're trying to make their employees feel as comfortable and as safe as possible, so they can get on with their work without fear of judgment or 'being outed'.

I have no problem with anyone being whatever sexuality they want, I just think it is irrelevant to the workplace and a great way to open up the taps to lawsuits. It's a bit like if the office had a "share your personal politics" day and we all got to talk about being Tory, Labour or UKIP voters and why we think certain policies are good or bad. It has nothing to do with work.

@BrendaBubbles

I have no problem with anyone being whatever sexuality they want, I just think it is irrelevant to the workplace and a great way to open up the taps to lawsuits. It's a bit like if the office had a "share your personal politics" day and we all got to talk about being Tory, Labour or UKIP voters and why we think certain policies are good or bad. It has nothing to do with work.

It's easy to dismiss it as 'irrelevant to the workplace' if you've never lived in fear or embarrassment of your colleagues finding out.

Some people still need educating about the struggles and attitudes a lot of LGBT people still have to put up with.

And of course there will be other people just like the OP who immediately conflate people 'coming out', with 'telling everyone about their sex life'.

Rather than understanding the prejudice they can still face on a day to day basis.

@BrendaBubbles

I have no problem with anyone being whatever sexuality they want, I just think it is irrelevant to the workplace and a great way to open up the taps to lawsuits. It's a bit like if the office had a "share your personal politics" day and we all got to talk about being Tory, Labour or UKIP voters and why we think certain policies are good or bad. It has nothing to do with work.

Sexuality is nothing like politics.

A person chooses their politics. Their sexuality is something they are. Not something they ‘want’.

So all those who think it is irrelevant to the workplace think your colleagues should never mention any wife, husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, pregnancy, wedding, engagement, date or children?
Or do you just mean gay and lesbians should not mention this?

@ModerateOven

There is a difference between sex life and sexuality

Quite reasonable for work colleagues not to be interested in either. Why do we need to know?

But what you, nor any of the rest of the ‘But I don’t need to know!’ crowd have been able to explain is why that automatically extrapolates to ‘Therefore I absolutely shouldn’t know’. Do you only know things you absolutely need to know about all your colleagues - or even your friends and family?

In my immediate team at work, I have a Japanese-born colleague, an Indian-heritage colleague, a Somalian and someone half-Greek. I know this because they all individually told me about their heritage. I reckon most people would think I was a massive twat if I’d replied, ‘So? Why do I need to know that?’ Yet somehow, amongst a certain type of people, sexuality is a last bastion of Topics That Must Never Be Discussed - ‘But of course, I don’t have a problem with it or anything…’

Is it that you’re scared that, if you know Steve from Accounts is bisexual, you’ll picture him at it with a man every time you see him? Will you find yourself endless speculating whether he prefers working in Accounts Payable or Accounts Receivable? I’ve got news for you - if you’ve ever been on maternity leave, have a photo of your children on your desk, or have even mentioned their existence, I KNOW you’ve had sex. I don’t need to - but I do. And somehow, someHOW, I can sit through a meeting with you without picturing you humping away. If it’s your turn to do the tea run, I’m not imagining the noise you make when you come when you ask if I want sugar. Even with the terrible burden of this knowledge I didn’t need, I still manage to get on with my job and my life.

A person chooses their politics. Their sexuality is something they are. Not something they ‘want’.

Also true of gender by the way.

Don’t be so homophobic. Your colleague no more informed you about his sex life that you do by telling people you’re married / have a boyfriend etc.

Fuck’s sake, you think we’re making progress and then some backwards bullshit like this comes along to remind you what we’re up against.

@BrendaBubbles

I have no problem with anyone being whatever sexuality they want, I just think it is irrelevant to the workplace and a great way to open up the taps to lawsuits. It's a bit like if the office had a "share your personal politics" day and we all got to talk about being Tory, Labour or UKIP voters and why we think certain policies are good or bad. It has nothing to do with work.

But people aren't whatever sexuality they want. They are whatever sexuality they are. You chose who to vote for, it's not the same thing.

He told you he's bisexual OP, not give you a detailed description of his favourite sex positions FFS.

It's like if a colleague tells me they are getting married, or turning 40. It doesn't affect me, and I'm not going to go home ans lie awake at night thinking about it.
No, it's like if a colleague writes a company wide email about turning 40. I would not want to read an email about some random person I don't knows 40th and the impact on their life.
Whereas if it was acolleague I spoke to socially I'd be totally happy to discuss it with them.

Maybe I'm biphobic. I've had relationships with both sexes but to all intents and purposes am outwardly straight now having been in exclusive long term heterosexual relationships for the last 25 years. Its of no relevance to my colleagues that I had girlfriends in the past and I don't know why I would bring it up. Its private.

I’m a lesbian and I’d much rather been in the company newsletter for some amazing new idea or epic promotion or something that was going to help my career than the fact I’ve got a wife. Over my dead body would I write an op ed about it, in the same way I wouldn’t write about my ADHD or IVF or recent operation AT WORK. It’s attention seeking in the worst way IMO. I work on the assumption that if people have a problem about the fact I’m a lesbian or I bring my wife up in convos they’ll stop talking to me, or let me know, and in either case I don’t give a shit 🤷🏻‍♀️

I suppose personally it bothers me because I haven't and wouldn't "come out" and so everyone just assumes itsfine to call me straight.
I don't want to "come out" I want people to think of me as a person and not assume anything
Fed up of labels and having to put myself in a box. That's why I don't like it.

No, it's like if a colleague writes a company wide email about turning 40. I would not want to read an email about some random person I don't knows 40th and the impact on their life.Whereas if it was acolleague I spoke to socially I'd be totally happy to discuss it with them.

Obviously I don’t the policy in your company, but I’ve been working in big companies for the last 13 years, and they’ve all had newsletters focused on people within the company, social activities etc. - nothing to do with the actual job. ‘Helen in Marketing did a 10k run in aid of Alzheimer’s Research’. ‘The Southampton office held a bake-off, won by Christine Banks’. All those companies also had a policy that new starters would send out a short email telling everyone a bit about themselves.

Is it necessarily fascinating? No. Sometimes I don’t even bother to read it. And guess what? That’s okay. I have the freedom to delete the email unread. But just because not everyone finds something fascinating, or even vaguely interesting, doesn’t mean the email shouldn’t go out.

Its of no relevance to my colleagues that I had girlfriends in the past and I don't know why I would bring it up. Its private.

But that’s you. Not everyone is you. Surely you understand that? Unless you’re being forced or coerced somehow to feature in one of these newsletters, it isn’t an issue.

YANBU. It seems a bit OTT.