What shall I do about husbands drinking?

[SpicyPickle22]

He’s drinking so much now. At least 4 pints an evening. He promised me he would do sober October and he failed on the first day.

I’m due to give birth next month and I genuinely don’t trust him to be able to drive me to hospital if I went into labour. He agreed to stop drinking from now at 34 weeks as my pregnancy has been so bad and I’ve had quite a few trips to triage lately and there’s a chance baby could come early.

He drinks his beers then he will sit and drink all of my zero alcohol ones. He will go days at a time on the zero stuff so I don’t think it’s an actual alcohol for fancy but he needs to physically have a beer in his hand when he’s home. I don’t know if I’m just more sensitive to it because I’m not drinking myself atm. I just don’t know what to do. It upsets me so much.

Honestly OP you are deluding yourself.
You won’t cure a problem with drinking by being supportive.
It doesn’t matter that he’s not putting vodka on his cornflakes. His drinking is affecting your relationship and you’re not happy about it.
He has brought home more beer.
He doesn’t want to stop drinking. So he won’t.

I was worried about telling people because they all thought he was wonderful. In their eyes he was a good dad, did housework, did cooking. My mum loved him, his family didn't like me much and thought he was wonderful as he did the above things.

And he did do those things. Until alcohol took over and he didn't anymore. And so it got worse. And I worried about what people would think about me and never spoke to anyone about it, even my best friend.

Until one day it became too much and I admitted it to my friend, and hinted to my mum (who was unfortunately ill and died soon after) No one who was important in my life judged me. And his family soon saw what I'd been living with for years.

I really really hope your husband keeps his word and sorts it out.

I really really hope that if he doesn't you don't waste years of your life with him like I did with my ex.

OP I'm not sure what you want from this thread,it seems to be making you upset hearing others opinions,but youvdid ask.

Anyway he says he has booked a counselling session so that's good news. Good luck

[quote SpicyPickle22]@Namelessnancy thank you for that link hes downloaded the app now and is watching some of the videos [/quote]
Good luck to both of you. If he can commit to the 30 days (which should fit in well for both of you!) it can make a long term change so much easier. At least that's my personal experience.

I and others are basing our comments on your relationship with alcohol on comments you've made on this thread.

You're extremely defensive even aggressive when we do comment too.

If he actually does the counselling and stays off the drink at least until you have the baby that's a good start. I for one am not convinced he'll manage more than one counselling session and stays off the booze.

I hope I'm wrong I fear I'm right

Quite disturbing you think your parents would want you to stay in a dysfunctional relationship

There is literally nothing YOU can do to stop him drinking and address his alcoholism (not drinking is just part of it)

I agree more likely is he will hide it

It’s called being a supportive partner

No it's more like enabling and co-dependency you'd likely benefit a great deal from counselling yourself.

If it were just you then that's your choice as an adult however foolish, but there's about to be a newborn baby in this and that puts a HUGE amount of stress on any relationship, and there's already another child in this dysfunctional situation, doesn't bode well really

His not drinking when your child is awake is irrelevant, alcoholism isn't part time it's constant it affects everything though given how you are being on thread I suspect you are in deep denial about that

I’ve never seen him actually drunk that's because he has built up a physical tolerance that's how it works

If you've had active addictions in the past then you really should know all this. I find that fact interesting in light of the aggressive/defensive responses to comments on your relationship with alcohol and I wonder if you're truly in recovery yourself

I think you both have a long long way to go to having a clear, honest grip on all you have going on and meanwhile there's a 7 yr old and a new baby in the mix

Aggressive get a grip! You’d be aggressive too if all the armchair psychologists had ascertained that you were yourself an alcoholic based on what? That I like to have a few zero alcohol beers now and again! Give over.

It’s good to hear that your husband is making some moves to address his alcohol dependency. My husband is 3 years sober now and an AA devotee. He is very much not a joiner, but he has found his people there. Since achieving sobriety he has lost 4 stone, runs triathlons and meditates twice a day. The ten years before he joined AA were often terrifying. The peace we have found now is incredible.

Oh op. Good luck.

I grew up with a dad like this. It was terrible. My mum kept believing he would change but he didn't and he put his kids in some very dangerous situations because of drinking. Do your kids a favour and spare them growing up with a dad who puts alcohol before his family

OP even by your title you have this all wrong and completely backwards. It's not about what YOU can do nor can anyone give you suggestions that will help because at the end of the day its completely down to your partner to actually do these things.

We can all sit here and list ideas but unless he is active upon them it's all pointless. This isnt for you to fix. Yes be supportive but you need to know when to draw the line with it. If his addiction is doing you more harm than good you need to step away. Not just for you but for your unborn child.

Yes right now it may seem like he is perfect in every other way but what about after the birth? What about when he doesnt help with any night feeds because he is too busy drinking away? Or when he nearly drops the baby because he is under the influence of your baby? You cant trust to leave him alone with a baby with the amount he is in taking- WHETHER he seems drunk or not. That would be highly irresponsible and it's not fair the by drinking he unwillingly puts all that on you.

What does your midwife have to say about all this, or have you not told her?

Also op you are very coming across very defensive and almost like you are snapping at the people you are trying to reach out to help for. You dont need to have your back up so much about him. It's not going to help anything. People arent being rude they are telling you advice and their truths from similar experiences. Listen!

Also why are you so concerned with supporting him when you are literally HEAVILY PREGNANT and so vulnerable! It should be the other way around. He should be putting in the effort to support you and be concerned for you. That in itself should be making the guy get help. I really hope he follows through with this op otherwise I fear you will be back on here when it all becomes worse.

He is supporting me, by working 12-14 hours a day so that I could leave work and finish my degree and grow our child and be a stay at home mum for the first year of our baby’s life.
I’ve gotten all I need from this thread now. I’m currently in triage I don’t need the stress of you all telling me what a cunt he is and what a shit mum I am.

ok. you love him. you want to fix this. how do you propose to do that ? are you looking for the right form of works that will make him understand that drinking so much is a bad idea ? because NOTHING you say will have the slightest impact.
the word 'alcoholic' conjures up all kinds of images of drunken tramps with bottles of meths on a park bench, but the vast majority of alcoholics are not like that at all. The vast majority hold down jobs and lives that are slowly falling apart because they cannot moderate their alcohol intake. I know, I am one of them . I'm sober now, and have been for more than 5 years - but then I decided to stop drinking ...
unless he decides to stop drinking there is not one single thing you can do to influence this ... so you either stay, and accept it. Or you leave ... stop looking at how you can change him; YOU cant ....

I hope you are ok, OP.

I don't see anyone name calling him on this thread op nor calling you a bad mum. Why bother starting this thread if your going to jump at every reply?

I dont understand exactly what you wanted or expected from people. Because when they tell you the truth you dont want to hear it. I feel like you are mis directing your anger here. We arent your problem we are all trying to help. Your problem is your partner and his drinking

You can't fix him op. You need to leave. He is an alcoholic and doesn't want to give up.
I am the child of a father who was exactly like this. My whole childhood revolved around his drinking.
Then came the driving bans (multiple) for drink driving.
Then the bankruptcy because spending on alcohol was prioritised before paying bills.
My heart is breaking for you and your child. You either leave, or you and your child will live a life tainted by alcoholism. It's a miserable existence. Please believe everyone that has posted here and speaks from bitter experience.

As the others have said; he has to make a choice young force it. I would have a sit down when he is sober and tell him honestly that the baby comes first. And has to. He needs to make a decision is he gonna be a dad or a drunk because he can’t be both. You are going to have enough on your plate with out baby sitting a pisshead.